to wonder where they get their information from?

[CommanderShepard]

I was in hospital recently; DH took DD to local children's centre for a stay and play session and left her there with my friend and her DS. DH explained situation to staff - we go there every week and DD is known to the staff - and went home to do some work. Staff happy, DD happy, friend awesomely kind, no problems.

I take her there once I'm out of hospital and a staff member comes over to ask how I am (I was quite touched actually because I was still in a lot of pain). It gets weird then: staff member alludes very strongly to a) the children's centre having been aware of my illness before DD being there with my friend and b) DH having AS.

This is not the first time someone has been aware of DH and AS and I find it really odd, especially as a midwife mentioned it when I was on the postnatal ward. DH doesn't advertise it and is near enough the NT end of the spectrum that most people don't know and are surprised to find out. Possibly I've been with him too long, but most days I forget he has it. He just comes across as very geeky.

I'm confused as to how anyone involved with DD could know this; I don't tell anyone other than friends. And Mumsnet. I've certainly never told an HCP or the children's centre. We've never to my knowledge been on the SS radar, so... where the hell are they getting their information from? Or am I being paranoid and actually DH, bless him, couldn't be more obvious if he carried a flag saying I HAVE ASPERGER'S?

So as not to drip feed; DH has been to stay and play before; he had to leave this time because he had no holiday to take but could work from home.

Do you have any very chatty/gossipy friends who knew about your illness and your DH's AS and use the children's centre?

Could they maybe have been chatting away to a member of staff, along the lines of "We saw Commander the other day, she was getting ready to go to hospital...blah blah blah...her husband's lovely, he has Asperger's Syndrome...blah blah blah..."

I would guess at the friend he left your DD with?

She didn't know until I told her about the weird convo, so I don't think so. In the broad scheme of things it's not a big deal but it's just a bit odd. And not beyond the bounds of possibility that I got the wrong end of the stick! I guess they could know about my being ill via DD's nursery which is in the same building as another CC but I would've thought it would be confidential. Hmm. Doesn't explain the midwife though. Do they get access to fathers' medical history too? I expect it's going to be an unsolved mystery...

My DSis and DM are teachers and they can spot AS a mile away. It's quite unnerving to me actually. There are adults & children I've known and never thought anything of them other than they're a bit geeky (like me) and as soon as they leave DM or DSis makes a comment.

I think if you're trained to spot AS in children (for development purposes) then you can notice the signs in adults as well.

I'm sorry, Callani, but that is not 'spotting AS'. That is deciding that someone they see has AS. Unless they check whether every single one has a professional Psychiatric diagnosis, and have no false positives or negatives, there is no evidence that their views are correct. The most they can say is that someone has behaviour consistent with AS.

I thought that the MW collected medical histories for both the mother and father at the booking in appointment at the start of a pregnancy.

Did your DD say anything about you being in hospital? You don't say if she is old enough to talk in your OP.

Probably that's the case. Seems a bit rude though to decide on a diagnosis for my DH based on one encounter with him! And then especially to allude to it to me. What if I had no idea he had AS? What if I was then convinced that if DH had it, DD must have it too?

I have at least worked out the midwife thing. I had a horrible time mentally in the immediate aftermath of DD's birth and was discharged by a psychiatrist as well as an obstetrician (it's not as dramatic as it sounds - horrible traumatic birth and I'd had really miserable AND, so I was being watched carefully). I did mention it to the psych, I think, as he'd asked if DH was being supportive and I brought it up.

I think having consulted the MN jury that CC lady is just a bit self-important and thought she'd seen something in DH that in this case is entirely true, but I'm a bit... I dunno - hurt? that if that's the case. I do get very aggrieved when people do that - like badtime says, it's a professional diagnosis, not a bleddy internet quiz. And he's not a set of behaviours, he's my DH.

She was around 18 months at the time so no, wasn't talking to the extent she could tell anyone I was in hospital. Nursery knew, because MIL was collecting her.

OH! One of the CC staff's kids goes to nursery with DD! There we go. Probable overheard conversation then. Doesn't negate the armchair diagnosis though, which the more I think about the more I am pissed off.

Look for the Black Helicopters ................

Much as I have no idea what that means, they'd be daft to try flying in this weather.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_helicopter