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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Feel like I have offended my MIL

39 replies

bengal38 · 09/02/2014 23:40

MIL always has asks if I have everything ready for work and if kids/uniforms are ready for school. I have up to now in a nice way been saying to her yes.

Tonight when she rang and asked the same thing I asked her why she always asks me the same question every week. I admit I was abit abrupt when I spoke back to her. She seemed to take offence and said she was just making conversation. Then she said ok and put the phone down on me.

Was I wrong to answer her back the way I did?

OP posts:

SeaSickSal · 09/02/2014 23:43

It was a bit rude, she is just making conversation because she's calling on a Sunday. She probably doesn't have much to say to you and that's the only thing she can think of she knows you will have been doing. YABU and rather rude.

Finola1step · 09/02/2014 23:43

What a strange thing to ask.

No idea if you were abrupt or if YABU. But does your MIL ask lots of questions about mundane things of you and others?

deakymom · 09/02/2014 23:43

probably a bit harsh ring her back just for a chat tell her you were stressed maybe?

bodygoingsouth · 09/02/2014 23:44

she's making conversation and is probably hurt. if she's generally nice then apologise.

BerylStreep · 09/02/2014 23:44

I suppose it all depends on your relationship, but it does sound to me a very patronising question to ask every week. Putting you in the position if child rather than adult.

But then I wouldn't be having weekly chats with my MIL on the phone anyway.

She sounds childish hanging up the phone. I would ignore and if you speak to her next time just say ' oh I don't know what happened last time we spoke, we seemed to get cut off!' She is expecting you or DH to come crawling to her now, I really wouldn't hand her that amount of power.

Finola1step · 09/02/2014 23:46

A quick call to apologise could be in order.

But I do have one question. Have you got the work stuff and uniforms ready for tomorrow?

Onesleeptillwembley · 09/02/2014 23:47

Yes, YABU. I get that It pusses you off, it would me. But there's no need to be abrupt, is there.
It's one of those ice breakers to her, obviously. A bit like on the Royle Family where Barbara always asks people what they've had for tea. At least she's trying (probably in both ways).

Bubblegoose · 09/02/2014 23:58

Does she call just to ask these questions?

usernameunknown · 10/02/2014 00:02

Maybe you should look at your past posts wondering how you have upset other family members, your children's friends, work colleagues.

There has to come a point in your life when you realise it is you and not everyone else with the problem!

Only1scoop · 10/02/2014 00:02

Op what a strange thing for her to ask every week....

Elderberri · 10/02/2014 00:08

Is she northern?

I don't think it's weirded at all.

I ask my mum is she all ready for work, I ask her what she had for tea.

She asks me similar, it's a way of seeing if you are alright, i think it's a way of caring.

We often say , are you all ready for tomorrow.

ladymariner · 10/02/2014 00:09

My mum always used to ring and ask the same sort of questions, she certainly didn't anything by it. I think it's just something to say, perhaps she feels she doesn't have much else in common with you so asking about the kids is common ground.

I would ring her back and clear the air....pick your battles carefully and that, to me, is not worth falling out over.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 10/02/2014 00:15

OP you asked this question this time last year

Does she really ring every day?

innisglas · 10/02/2014 00:17

I myself can be a bit hopeless making conversation and ask all kinds of stupid things

Only1scoop · 10/02/2014 00:21

Sort it out.... or you'll be back next year asking the same again....

JohnCusacksWife · 10/02/2014 00:21

She sounds like my MIL who can think of absolutely nothing to say to me that doesn't involve laundry, housework and how the children are getting on at school. She means well but we're v different people and she just doesn't know what to say to me. She's probably just trying to make conversation but I don't think you need to apologise for getting shirty with her. It gets v frustrating listening to the same old thing every time.....

BillyBanter · 10/02/2014 00:24

It just sounds like a set conversation piece/filler. Like saying 'blah, sunday night, eh? All ready for the week ahead again?' Most of our weeks are much the same as other weeks and there are few unique conversational topics.

Unless she tends to be a bit critical or suspects you're a bit hopeless and disorganised, it's probably worth calling her tomorrow to say sorry and explain.

perplexedpirate · 10/02/2014 00:41

My mil does this constantly. She thinks we are shit parents and she has to check up on everything we do.
It is wearing and neither if us have much to do with her if we can help it.
Could you be 'out' when she calls?

AwfulMaureen · 10/02/2014 00:47

OP my Mum asks me things like that all the time. "What are you having for dinner?" "Have you ironed the uniforms?" it's boring but it's not a test...it's a specifically working class way of communicating.

Comes from the time when finding dinner was a struggle and preparing uniforms and clothes in general was a struggle due to things being threadbare.

I can't bring myself to tell my mum "The uniforms are made of tefal and so don't need ironing..." I just say "Yes..all done....what are you watching on telly tonight?"

CotedePablo · 10/02/2014 00:52

The poor woman's just making conversation. And you were terribly rude. She deserves an apology.

MsMarvel · 10/02/2014 00:57

I know it's not really relevant to the thread, but crickey, you don't have post a lot about dramas in your life.

Had a wee look through previous posts and for the first time ever from doing that, I got totally bogged down with the. Repetition of the same dramas repeating and replaying over and over again!

CoffeeTea103 · 10/02/2014 00:58

You asked this exact question last year this time. Very weird

DaleyBump · 10/02/2014 01:09

That is incredibly weird. It seems your children have stayed the same age for two years.

Topaz25 · 10/02/2014 01:09

She probably was just making conversation but I can see how asking every week would get on your nerves, as if she is checking up on you or reminding you like you might forget. Apologise for being short with her this time and next time just change the subject or make a joke out of it.

Only1scoop · 10/02/2014 01:13

All a bit bizzare

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