..to ask your wise advice

[Punkatheart]

I am tired. Bloody tired. I now am beng forced to sell my home. OK - so I have got used to the idea. But I am being treated for cancer in London - so anywhere I go should be close to the capital. It is an incurable condition so it will be long term. I may also get worse - as it's an unpredictable condition. I also have a very ill daughter (horrific depression) so I want to find somewhere safe (she has a lot of paranoia too) and possibly with a nice garden for my chooks.

I do wake up sweating - it all seems a bit overfacing. So I am asking Mumsnetters - who I trust for their honesty - where should I live?

Trying to see this as an adventure but I am scared, scared, scared. Make it fun, people.

How about Oxford? There are some really beautiful parts, it's easy to get to London and it is safe

- what a shitty situation.

How close to London do you need to be?

You need to take into consideration your journey for treatment - I am sure you need it to be as easy as possible. So no horrendous changes etc.

And I think we need to have a rough idea of your budget for a house. No use suggesting Park Lane when it's way OTT!

I am sure that loads more people will be along soon to help.

Ok - Kent, Sussex, Suffolk, Norfolk - all beautiful and peaceful in easy reach of London and not overly expensive. What is your budget?

Where do you get treatment in London?
Do you want to be on the right side of the river for your hospital so you don't have to troll across town?

I downsized everything and moved to the sticks. Have a big clean out before you move - pare it down to the basics. Makes life much easier.

Depends on the budget and if half an hour on the train is close enough.

But Berkhamsted, Harpenden and St Albans are all very safe and chook friendly

Ely Cambridgeshire - very cheap, very safe, only 80 mins to kings cross

Thanks, all.

I will have approx £310,000 - but my mother is having to sell her house and yes, she will probably be living with us. I am being treated at Guy's.

You need London Bridge then?
That is easily reached by East Sussex and Kent I think.
From Brighton it's an hour or so.
Do you want rural or a town? Seaside?

A quiet location but one where it is easy to reach rail links, harticus.

Shitty situation indeed. Thinking about moving makes my heart palpitate. Some days I can barely get out of bed. Ah well - a lot of people are in worse situations. They are my inspiration.

Punk what is the worst thing about moving? the scariest thing for you?

Moving house is always one of the most stressful things you can do Punk - in your circumstances you can multiply that several times over. It would be odd if you weren't feeling apprehensive.

Maybe if you decide where it is you want to move to and it becomes a reality you will feel more excited at the change ahead and less anxious.
There are some lovely areas around Ashdown Forest and the Kent/Sussex border. Easy to get to London and down to the coast.

Leigh (nr Tonbridge) is a lovely quiet village with a station which iirc goes into London Bridge. The surrounding area is v nice too. Not sure of property prices, will have a look on rightmove.

Horrible situation for you though, hope you find somewhere perfect for you, your dd and mum, I can't even imagine how stressful and worrying it must be

Gillingham - 52 minutes from London Bridge. How about this
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-42085081.html?premiumA=true

Wish I could link but looks nice to me.

I'm pretty useless to you as I don't know the South East at all. This may be a stupid question but must it be Guys? Could you look at transferring your treatment to another cancer centre? Velindre in Cardiff is a specialist cancer hospital and you could buy something lovely for that money in one of the north Cardiff areas like Radyr or Whitchurch.

Wishing you all the best wherever you decide to live, I hope you find somewhere gorgeous that feels like home x

I'm afraid it has to be Guy's. I have something very rare and the two best people, who I have been with for years, are based at Guy's. It's also a teaching hospital that has all the cutting edge clinical trial. My nurse too is astonishing so really, I wouldn't want to change.

The most scary thing? Being ill and exhausted, watching my daughter meltdown by being unsettled, going through twenty years of stuff that have memories of being in love with my partner. Having my mother sell her home. She is in her dotage.

Thanks again for all the suggestions. I am keeping my mind open but I still wake up in a panic.

There's a lot of Sussex on the Thameslink line which is good for London Bridge and on the north side it goes up towards Bedford I think.

So Brighton , Burgess Hill, Haywards Heath and up towards Gatwick. Easy links on branch lines to places surrounding where you could get a 3 bed house for that money.

We live in Sevenoaks and it's nice here. You can get to London Bridge in 30mins. How big would your house need to be? I doubt you'd get anything over 2 beds for £310k

Tonbridge is cheaper and only 8 mins on the journey time. And still very nice.

I immediately thought of St. Albans and Harpenden too. Lovely areas, nice town centres, you could have a good life there and space to breathe. Good rail links to and from London bridge, the train is quite fast as the FCC Brighton-Bedford line is decently frequent and goes directly there.

I live in a small rural market town in suffolk and it's 90 minutes on the train from the nearest big town, Ipswich to London Liverpool Street, but it is certainly peaceful and beautiful here.
Good luck with your treatment op.

But you live in a pineapple covered in snow! Some lovely suggestions here and I will try and think hard now. Another complication is I have just scored some writing work, which might be a long term proposition, from a prestigious company in London. It will mean meetings etc in the city and because we are struggling so much financially, I really can't let it go. But Suffolk and Sussex have such appeal... It's odd trying to look fit and successful, dressing up and going into the city. When all I want is my dressing gown, tea and lots of sleep. I feel like an actress.

I like old houses too.

Very tired today but onwards and upwards.

I do keep looking but I am now worried about my mum, who seems so sad about leaving her home. I am also very sick this morning, my daughter is crying with her depression and the rain, rain, rain is just adding to the mix!

Sod it, why do things come all at once. Tell me some nice property stories, how you found a property for a £1, did it up and now you are very happy. That sort of thing.

Well I bought a pineapple for £1 in the supermarket, carved it out and sprinkled snow on it and it made a fab country pad.

Seriously though, you need to weigh up all the pros and cons, you won't be able to tick every single box, you just need to make sure you tick enough of the important ones to make whatever decision you make worthwhile!

Good luck

go to the seaside best not with the storms and all why not google the place which is supposed to be the happiest town to live in i remember reading something on the bbc website?

I don't have any practical suggestions OP I just wanted to say I hope things go ok with the move and I'll be thinking of you and your dd

A big question for me is how much the treatment takes out of you, and what kind of journey you think you could manage. I hate the idea of you having to make their way across London and then catch a train, feeling increasingly sick as the treatment takes hold.

If you can do the trip, Suffolk is absolutely lovely and you should be able to buy something nice for that cash.

Thanks for all the lovely suggestions and kind thoughts, Mumsnetters. It had made a huge difference today, when I feel absolutely awful. I love the idea of seaside and I love the idea of country - but I have a teen with huge psychological problems who wants to live near her friends, near college etc. She has sleeping tablets and can't currently attend college though - so I do have to be a bit careful with how changes are implemented.

As far as treatment goes, I am on home chemo (self-administered) and although it's keeping me fairly stable, it has been recommended that I start on a clinical trial and also radiotherapy, to improve my condition. Done the latter before a number of times and know what to expect. A bone marrow transplant was also mentioned as a possibiity - but obviously a huge risk and a long recovery time.

There are some days - like today - when I feel like walking into the sea, not living by it. It's acutely painful knowing that someone with whom I spent twenty years, was callous enough to leave me with all these problems, including his daughter.

I have put all your beautiful flowers in a vase in my mind. Thank you again.