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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another 'take my child out of school thread'

44 replies

WWOOWW · 08/02/2014 12:14

Too many details given which could link to my regular name - Nc'ed

My son is 11 (year 6), doing his SATs in May this year. My sister and her kids are coming from the US to visit for a week in June. She can not take time off work during our 6 weeks holidays plus she is divorced and has to go to court to get permission to take the kids out of the country when their dad has access to them. We only see her once every 3 years. I can not travel to see her as I suffer from agoraphobia/Panic disorder and have not been on a plane for over 30 years.

I would like my son to have the opportunity to spend every minute he can with his Aunty and cousins and would therefore like to take him out of school for the week in June.

AIBU?

OP posts:
dexter73 · 08/02/2014 12:17

I wouldn't do it personally. He will be able to see his cousins after school. Do you think you will be fined for his absence too?

SantanaLopez · 08/02/2014 12:19

I wouldn't do it, there will be plenty of time after school.

Your sister and the children might be tired after the flight and unlikely to be up at 9am anyway.

Original poster
WWOOWW · 08/02/2014 12:27

I think it is likely that I would be fined.

I know there is time after school and I think this is what the school would say if and when I discuss it with them but it is not the same as spending some really quality time with them. If we were allowed the time off we would probably all go away together for the week.

OP posts:
DanceParty · 08/02/2014 12:29

Well, you take him off and pay the fine..........or don't.

You seem determined to take him off, so budget that into your spends Smile

dexter73 · 08/02/2014 12:31

Take them out of school then if that is what you want to do. It doesn't really matter what anyone on this board thinks as it is your decision.

frugalfuzzpig · 08/02/2014 12:33

Hmm I don't think I would, but then I don't really have any relatives so I don't understand what it feels like IYSWIM. That said I think there should be allowances for family stuff like this as long as people (in general, I'm not talking about you) don't take the piss.

I remember one of my classmates having a relative from America stay with him when we were in infant school, the relative actually just joined our class for the week! Those were simpler times, I guess it wouldn't be allowed now

collarsandcuffs · 08/02/2014 12:34

I just think put this in perspective...my 83 year old uncle travelled over in December from abroad and I have not seen him in 5 years. He stayed with my parents who live 100 miles from me. I didn't get to see him as I had after school commitments such as nativities, church services, carol concerts that week. Would IBU to have taken a week off work to go visit him as a class teacher?

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2014 12:34

Considering jet lag and everything, I don't think there's any need to take him out of school.

As PP have said, there's plenty of time after school and at the weekend for him to spend with them.

IneedAwittierNickname · 08/02/2014 12:35

I wouldn't take him out of school, sorry.
When we had relatives visiting from Oz the dc went to school like usual, and saw them after school/weekends.

manicinsomniac · 08/02/2014 12:35

I don't think there would be anything particularly wrong with taking him out of school if you want to.

I probably wouldn't. Not for the whole week anyway.

Where I work we've occasionally had visiting foreign family members and friends come to school with the host family's child/children. Everyone seems to enjoy it and, depending on the confidence of the visitor/s, we can learn about their country and culture a bit. Could you consider that?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 08/02/2014 12:36

Well I wouldn't do it myself but I'm not you.

Your boy has done his SATS and if you're determined then take him out and pay the fine.

Enjoy the week with your family.

CoffeeTea103 · 08/02/2014 12:39

I also wouldn't do it as there is the option of spending a lot of time after school with your sister and family. It's unnecessary really.

You would probably be fined, if you are happy with that then that's up to you.

Original poster
WWOOWW · 08/02/2014 12:42

Hmm this isn't about me missing work though is it ? This is for the benefit of my son, niece and nephew. We could do the after school thing but that would mean only mean spending 4pm -7pm together each day.

I haven't made up my mind. I genuinely wanted opinions from here before I decided if I was BU or not

OP posts:
Fairylea · 08/02/2014 12:44

I think a week is unnecessary. As others have said you'll have all the time after school to enjoy time together. However, if you particularly wanted to do a special day out somewhere or two then I'd say he was sick for the Thursday and Friday and do something then (or the Monday and Tuesday- doing it prior to or after a weekend means even if the child does let slip that they've been out it doesn't necessarily mean they went on the school day, they could have gone at the weekend when they weren't ill and got confused. .. at year 6 I think he would know to keep the lie up). I know others think lying about sickness is awful but if he has an otherwise excellent record for attendance that's what I'd do and have done with dd before (she is also year 6).

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2014 12:48

Then let him stay up until 8pm that week.

Anyway, it gives you and your sister some quality time together while he's at school.

dexter73 · 08/02/2014 12:49

What do your kids think about missing a week of school? I only ask as my dd would have hated to miss so much time off.

dexter73 · 08/02/2014 12:50

Sorry, your ds not kids.

desertmum · 08/02/2014 12:50

I would - he will have done his SATs to all that stress will be out of the way and it is unlikely they will be doing a huge amount of anything useful. My kids were brought up overseas and their primary school head mistress was very vocal about how important it was that the ex-pat children saw their overseas extended family and if that meant taking them out of school for a week so be it. At primary school it isn't (in my mind) a huge issue. If they were in the middle of GCSE's/AS/A2 levels it might be different. Of course, we weren't going to get hit by a fine if that happened. They are now at

kilmuir · 08/02/2014 12:51

2 days off 'sick'

SantanaLopez · 08/02/2014 12:54

I think I'd take the Thursday and Friday off if I were you. It'll give your sister and kids time to recover from the flight, you can spend some time with her and your DS doesn't miss that much school.

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2014 12:55

he will have done his SATs to all that stress will be out of the way and it is unlikely they will be doing a huge amount of anything useful.

How do you come to that conclusion?

There's over 2 months of school left after the SATS

Of course they'll be doing something useful.

NearTheWindmill · 08/02/2014 12:55

I agree with Kilmuir.

collarsandcuffs · 08/02/2014 13:00

I clearly understand it is not about you missing work but you ask if it is ok for your child to miss school and suggest it is needed for family time but how would you feel if your child's teacher did this for 'family time'? This is what my example was trying to put across...

mattsmadmum · 08/02/2014 13:01

In almost exactly the same position. Wont be taking mine out of school.

Original poster
WWOOWW · 08/02/2014 13:02

School is very important to me and to my son and this will not be a decision taken lightly. He has a very high attendance rate. I do not want to put my son in a position where I am forcing him to lie - that much I am clear on. I think it is terrible to make or condone an 11 year old lying.

Interesting points to consider. Does anyone know what the fines are ?

OP posts: