Am I a bad sister then or is BIL completely ott?

[moominmarvellous]

BIL dropped my two nephews off this evening as I'm looking after them for the weekend while my sister is away. This is fine, I offered. They've had a stressful time lately so thought it might help.

Anyway he stayed for a coffee and proceeded to moan about a couple of incidents between him, my sister and some other people. I could kind of see his point to an extent and acknowledged that, he was having a bit of a rant. Fine.

Anyway he then decided to tell me he also thought it was 'bullshit' that I mistakenly thought my sisters birthday fell on a Monday when it actually fell on the Tuesday, he said he's funny about things like that...my sister birthdays are special to him, and she's my sister for gods sake, I should know when her birthday is. But it's ok because he doesn't mind saying it to me (?) WTF?

I don't know if I'm being irrational but the more I think about it it's really pissing me off! He's one of these 'tell it like it is' people which basically means he complains about bloody everything, takes every oversight or mistake people make as something personal with an underlying motive and I'm sick of it! To put it into context and not dripfeed, he's referring to the fact that in one phonecall I said to my sister 'that's good your birthday falls on Tue and I'm child free that day so shall I come over and bring breakfast?' She said no it's Monday, I said oh yes so it is my mistake and that was that. Is that a big deal then or am I on another planet? I didn't FORGET her birthday, in fact I was the only sibling that did visit her especially - I just momentarily miscounted the days.

I'm so sick of his nitpicking - but actually is my attitude too blase? I genuinely am wondering!

He sounds like an idiot.

Oh what an arse

Massive twat alert! At least you're not actually married to him - what's he like with your sister?

No he sounds like a over barring twat. He's a 'say it like it is person' = says it how ' HE thinks it is.'

I think tip need to start disagreeing with him a bit more

Every year get his birthday wrong.
When he gets pissed off about it just laugh it off and act all flakey ' you know what I'm like!' Etc.

What a twat.

If anyone had done that to me I'd have said 'I got my days wrong, get over it'.

Well they get on absolutely fine, they have a good marriage but there is a bit of a Them vs The World thing going on at times.

He then left and was completely normal and I was slightly stunned to be honest. He obviously thinks I needed 'telling' and it's making my blood boil ever so slightly.

This is the second BIL related fury I've experienced this week! Why couldn't my sisters have just been eccentric spinsters?

Arse. Ignore.

He's an arse, ignore him.

I should have set him straight there and then, but I was caught off guard as he went from moaning about other people to the rant then being directed at me.

The ironic thing is that his initial rant was about people lying to them or avoiding issues with them - can he really not see that it's because he takes everything so bloody personally?

If it was said in a phonecall to your sister why did he even know about it? Tbh it's her I'd be pissed at, she obviously made a deal of it to him, possibly why he was 'ranting'.

Well, in your position I would've been on the phone the second I heard his car door slammed. I would've phoned my sister and commiserated with her that she'd married such an arse.

I think that's what's niggling me. It was such a non-event why did she relay it to him a though I'd done something wrong?

Apparently he told her it was 'bullshit' an she said 'oh it's just Moomin, you know what she's like' but even that, I'm a bit [hmmm] Like what? Human? Rational?

And THIS is why they are arguing with people left right and centre because it's like walking on eggshells every time you talk to them. It might not sound it based on this post but they are both lovely - really lovely at times - but it's this 'thing' that makes them unapproachable at times so people make excuses so as not to upset them. It's really uncomfortable when you're on the receiving end of it.

Sorry but I think for what ever reason it upset your sis and she told her partner, he then told you. Maybe he was trying to make you realise this matters to her.

I don't think you're a bad sis or that he is ott.

I do think you need to talk to your sis.

To be honest I don't feel I can talk to my sister about it.

She saw me for her birthday, we then met again later in the week as well as talking on the phone in between. She never mentioned it once. I think it's mainly his problem not hers, although she perhaps used my error as yet another example of people not caring about her birthday and he's decided that I'm the one he'll take it up with.

If I mention it, I'll be the one blowing things out of proportion.

Thing is even if it was a case of your bil white knighting for your sister, taking offence over the 'birthday incident' is fricking ridiculous.

To over analyse the whole conversation - you were making plans for her bloody birthday even though it was the wrong date, not blanking or suggesting something completely irrelevant. Oh and it was all before so easily put right. I haven't got enough eyes to roll tbh.

I suppose you've two options. 1) keep Scthum for the sake of keeping the peace and stealthily punch their bread when you get chance - I'm a wimp and this is my preferred option or 2) start a conversation with "I know you two like straight talking, so I think you ought to know how you come across when you decide someone's in the wrong....." And then offload. They won't like it though and will inform you that you're just being oversensitive to their honesty and it's people like them saving society one truth at a fucking time.

OMG. These people are WAY too high maintenance. Get the fuck over it - if I had a pound for every time I've got my days muddled up, I'd be a gazillionaire!!! What an idiot. Please don't give this tiny little non-event anymore air time.

I take it he's perfect, then?

I would so go down Imnotmadeofeyes route 2. But with the most amenable demeanor and no heated language (like "Bullshit" - that is such a massive over-reaction!). Lots of head tilts and reflective language.

Can you not have an "I'm a bit puzzled by the exchange I've just had with BIL..." conversation with your sister?

How bizarre. I've forgotten what day my OWN birthday falls on fgs, never mind anyone else's! What an odd thing for them to make an issue out of!

It has crossed my mind to say something along the lines of 'I think BIL had a go at me the other day. Did I upset you when I thought your birthday was on Tuesday and not Monday?' I feel a bit ridiculous even typing that sentence tbh! But it's upset one of them that's for sure.

She'd laugh it off and say 'oh you know what BIL's like' then go home and tell him and they'll decide as Imnotmadeofeyes said: that I'm oversensitive and can't handle the 'truth'. Pfffff.

I know Cuttingoutthecrap! Me too!

In fact every year there's a mass confusion about what day my birthday falls on because of the time of year and everyone's off work so days become a bit of a blur. I could not possibly give less of a shit. It baffles me how they can be bothered to be bothered by so much.

I'm really flabbergasted that she could be bothered mentioning it to him and that he even gave it a second thought.

They both sound completely mad. I do think though that if someone says they like straight talking, you should let them have it.

Yanbu, but it's seems like they both are very ott people. I wouldn't have even thought of mentioning something like that to my DH. I don't even know what day my own birthday falls on this year