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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want their marriage to be over?

41 replies

Slippersatbedtime · 07/02/2014 08:46

He cheated - with me.

I didn't have a clue he was married. He promised me everything.

Now I am left devestated and he gets to carry on his nice life with his (lovely looking) wife and kid.

It doesn't seem fair that he gets to be happy and have things so easy.

OP posts:
LisaMed · 07/02/2014 08:47
Shock
pinkyredrose · 07/02/2014 08:48

I doubt he's that happy. I feel sorry for his wife. Hopefully she'll make his life hell.

NotAnotherPackedLunchBox · 07/02/2014 08:48

It doesn't seem fair on his wife and child.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 07/02/2014 08:48

You want their marriage to be over so he can be with you?

Why would you want a man who's spun you an elaborate web of lies? Shock

brooncoo · 07/02/2014 08:49

How long did it last? Just think of your lucky escape from a complete bastard.

Original poster
Slippersatbedtime · 07/02/2014 08:50

Don't think she knows. And no, I don't want him!

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 07/02/2014 08:51

did his wife know about your affair? How long did your relationship last?

I'm so sorry for you, it must be horrible being an accidental OW, you have all the guilt even though you didn't know you were doing this to someone else.

I wouldn't assume it's happy, his poor wife probably knows something is wrong, if not what. And sadly, you probably aren't the only one.

I know lots of people will say don't tell, but I think I'd want to know if I was the DW. But give yourself some time to recover before making that decision, if you tell, let it be for her sake, not yours.

patienceisvirtuous · 07/02/2014 08:51

Eek, this won't end well.

Sorry you were spun a yarn OP, you are a victim in this too.

You can do better than a lying cheat though.

DontmindifIdo · 07/02/2014 08:53

Oh and I can understand you want him to hurt, out of all the people involved, he's the one who's behaved badly, yet he's the only one not feeling any of the negative concequences (his DW probably is having a shit time and doesn't know why, the poor woman might even be blaming herself).

scantilymad · 07/02/2014 08:53

So you don't want him anymore but still want his marriage to be over and a child to have to deal with that too? Eh? Is this parallel universe day?

brooncoo · 07/02/2014 08:54

I would want to tell to drop him in the shit, so that he can't just walk away selling like a rose with no consequences. But, I don't know if I could drop that bombshell on his innocent wife and child. In the long run (past the initial revenge) I think it would feel bad.

I might let him think I was thinking about it though.

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 07/02/2014 09:00

for the sake of his wife and child, the marriage should probably end.

you have my sympathies op, this has happened to me before and his partner took him back but still hates my guts.

Original poster
Slippersatbedtime · 07/02/2014 09:02

I'm not going anywhere near him, her, or their marriage. Just feeling bitter.

It's his problem. He must love her though, or at least not me, or he'd have left. The kid is a baby.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 07/02/2014 09:10

OP - he probably doesn't really love her, he probably really loves his lifestyle, living in a house with his wife and child, having a family. If he did really love her, he'd not be having affairs (and it's probably a regular thing)

Men like that love themselves far too much to love anyone else.

DontmindifIdo · 07/02/2014 09:17

and chalk it up to experience, get on with your life. It's shit that it's going to have slightly erroded your trust.

View it as having dodged a bullet, can you imagine if he had left his wife for you what your life would be like? I wonder what lies he told her to be with you. Couldyou ever trust him? Always feeling like you're going slightly crazy, and actually it's him fucking about again.

Melonbreath · 07/02/2014 09:21

You're lucky you got out of it. If he'd cheat on the mother of his child he'd cheat on you.

and actually, I would tell the wife. If I were the wife I'd want to know. I'd be devastated but I would hate feeling a fool and wasted years if I found out in the future.

You might be giving her her ticket out.

Finola1step · 07/02/2014 09:21

Stay well away. You've had a lucky escape. That poor woman and baby.

pictish · 07/02/2014 09:26

Thank goodness! You just saved yourself from wasting your precious time on a liar.

Liars are to be avoided at all costs.

Phew!

DownstairsMixUp · 07/02/2014 09:27

I agree it was a lucky escape. Even if he would of left his wife for you the relationship would of been doomed. You'd of probably always wondered if he'd do the same to you.

MatryoshkaDoll · 07/02/2014 09:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 07/02/2014 09:30

You know that saying...
When a man marries his mistress, he creates a vacancy.

MothratheMighty · 07/02/2014 09:31

You didn't really know him at all, so as others have said, better to get out now.
How did you find out he was married? How long were you together,or was it just a weekend fling?

Preciousbane · 07/02/2014 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 07/02/2014 09:40

YANBU at all to be feeling bitter and hurt.

You were betrayed as much as his wife.

Take care x

expatinscotland · 07/02/2014 09:42

He's a dick. Find someone else.