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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To check my baby every half an hour when he sleeps?

38 replies

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:14

My husband thinks so as do my friends and family. He is 7 months and is healthy. I always have been terrified that something will happen to him when he sleep, especially that he will stop breathing. I don't know how to relax or when this fixation will stop. Help!

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 31/01/2014 21:16

Can you buy the Angel care mat that sets off an alarm if the baby stops breathing?

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:17

I've thought about it, but I feel it's a bit late to be buying one. Has anyone had a good/reassuring experience with them?

OP posts:

NormHonal · 31/01/2014 21:18

If you have iPad/iPhone, buy the Baby Monitor 3G app and you can watch/listen to him by leaving one of them next to him, without actually being in the room with him.

PleaseNoScar · 31/01/2014 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

geologygirl · 31/01/2014 21:20

Totally normal. I did exactly the same! When my ds was born I didn't take my eyes off him all night in the hospital. Then literally every few mins checking.

There is a monitor you can get that sets off an alarm if they stop breathing. However if I had that I wouldnt have trusted it and still kept checking!

No advice but it eventually passed.

IDontBowlOnShabbos · 31/01/2014 21:23

Hiya, sorry to hear you feel unable to relax. Is it just when he's asleep that you feel anxious or is it all the time?
Every half an hour is excessive in my opinion but do you think there might be an underlying reason why you're worried, such as pnd?
I would talk to my hv or doctor if I were you as they might be able to put your mind at rest and give you some advice on dealing with your anxiety.

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:23

Other than this one issue, I'm calm, happy and enjoying parenthood. I've always had quite a strong fear of people I love dying.

I like the iPad idea I'll check the App Store.

I'm glad it does pass.

OP posts:

ExBrightonBell · 31/01/2014 21:24

I don't think this is normal at 7 months to still be doing this. 7 days, yes, but 7 months, no. You must be exhausted!

Could it be a form of OCD? You should perhaps speak to someone (GP maybe?) about this, as I doubt it will get better on its own. Do you have any other anxieties about your baby?

LayMeDown · 31/01/2014 21:25

Do you mean that you get up at night every half hour at night to check or is it just nap time?
I think it is normal to check excessively at the newborn stage but this should have well passed by 7 months.
Do you suffer from anxiety generally or is just this issue?

Smartiepants79 · 31/01/2014 21:26

At 7 months that does seem a little extreme. If he was 7 weeks I might be agreeing with PP.
He is past the danger stage for cot death. It seems like a very high level of anxiety. Can you think of any particular reason why you would be so anxious over this particular thing? Are you usually an anxious person or only when your son is involved.
I would suggest perhaps a chat with a professional and see what they have to suggest.

Ragwort · 31/01/2014 21:27

As Lay says, are you getting up every half hour at night? When do you sleep?

Figster · 31/01/2014 21:27

At night? How do you get any sleep?

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:27

I guess I don't think it's normal either and I wish I could stop. In the night I will fall asleep but wake in a panic and check him. This is every night. He rarely sleep more than 3 hours at a time.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:28

To clarify, I can sleep for about 2-3 hours without checking sometimes.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:29

It's whilst I'm awake every half hour.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 31/01/2014 21:31

checking often before you go to bed is pretty normal imo. if you're getting upin the night and checking then no.. well not if he's in the same room with you. I would often lay a hand from the bed in the middle of the night when he was right next to me.

joanofarchitrave · 31/01/2014 21:32

What PleaseNoScar said.

I think in a way YANBU, because you are managing your anxiety this way. But if you are doing this to me very frequent checking and still feeling terrified and unable to relax, that's not good.

I would talk to your GP, about anxiety and perhaps about cognitive behavioural therapy. You don't have to be like me (I literally never check, never have) but there might be a happier medium. Or even if you still check frequently, to feel better about it.

MrsSeanBean1 · 31/01/2014 21:33

I was like this after DD was born, probably made worse by years of infertility and miscarriages. I was up all night for months checking her. It does get better i promise you. Just be kind to yourself and accept that, for whatever reason, you need a bit of extra reassurance for the time being. I had the angelcare breathing monitor and the snuza nappy clip monitor on DD until she was over a year. Then the Snuza kept falling off so I took it off. She has now just turned 2, has just gone into a bed and still has the angelcare monitor under her mattress. It also tells me when the little monkey has got out of bed!! I'm due number 2 soon and have all my monitors ready to go again! Now I check DD once before I go to bed and that's all. It will get easier xx

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:36

I do have some OCD tendencies sadly not the clean house type returning from journey to work as convinced I've left keys in the door, straighteners on Etc! Never been assessed for this though. I just see them as my quirks.

OP posts:

MrsSeanBean1 · 31/01/2014 21:37

I also read A LOT of the research about cot death and did absolutely everything possible to minimise it - e.g, nothing in cot apart from mattress protector and bottom sheet, fan circulating the air in the room, on back to sleep, no covers etc. This also helped me as the chance of cot death if all the advice is followed is actually miniscule

IndigoTea · 31/01/2014 21:37

I can understand why you do that.

I think you should get the monitor. Just sell it on when you are done with it. At least you'll get some rest and peace of mind :)

Original poster

Bumpandkind · 31/01/2014 21:40

seanbean.
Maybe I should get the angel care. Glad to know it gets better! I see Ds as a bit of a miracle as it took years of duel infertility and giving up before we spontaneously conceived. Congratulations on dc no.2.

OP posts:

MrsSeanBean1 · 31/01/2014 21:44

Thanks :-) our number 2 happened very quickly so bit of a shock. Honestly, get the Angelcare. The monitor is so easy to use and picture is really clear. You can use it for years, even when they are too big for the breathing monitor you can just disconnect it.

MrsSeanBean1 · 31/01/2014 21:50

I saw a very good post natal clinical psychologist as I was so anxious after DD's birth and she was brilliant. She didnt diagnose me with anything or try to say that all the checking I was doing was unnecessary. She simply said that I had had a hard few years and that this is what I needed to do to cope, I just had to make it manageable so that it didn't take over my life. The monitors were a godsend and I gradually felt happy to wean myself off all the checking. Every week the anxiety will get a little bit less although we will probably always worry that little bit more than most x

Trustmeimfibbing · 31/01/2014 21:52

I have got an angelcare monitor.. DD is 5 months old & I couldn't be without it. The angelcare monitor has taken a weight off my mind. I got it brand new off eBay for £35. It's the movement & sound monitor.. Ive forgotten to turn it off when taking DD out for an early morning breastfeed once or twice & given the whole family a fright with the alarm going off but at least I know it's working!

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