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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's odd that a child without SN...

90 replies

CheerfulYank · 21/01/2014 01:31

who is 3 years and 4 months old, still sleeps in a crib and eats in high chair?

OP posts:
MissPryde · 21/01/2014 01:36

I'm surprised he fits, if he's not sn and it isn't a specially made crib and high chair. I don't know any children of that age that could fit comfortably in a crib or at all in a high chair.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 21/01/2014 01:38

She fits, but it doesn't seem comfortable! She seems normal size for her age to me.

OP posts:
LoopyLobster · 21/01/2014 01:38

Do you mean a cot or a crib,

Bogeyface · 21/01/2014 01:39

Depends. Cot beds are bigger and if DD1 is anything to go by, some toddlers hate leaving the safety of their cots to a big scarey bed.

Also, many high chairs are made to be adaptable from 6 months up to 4/5 years. So the tray comes off and they are literally high chairs, chairs high enough to be used at the table.

If the child is happy and there is no evidence of abuse or neglect then tbh I am wondering why you care!

LoopyLobster · 21/01/2014 01:40

Ps my DD age 4 can still fit in her sister 's high chair and cot bed

CouthyMow · 21/01/2014 01:40

Mmm...a little. Even my DC's with SN's weren't in a crib (I assume that means cot, not swinging crib as I first thought, which hurt my brain as I tried to figure out how you would fold a 3yo into one...) or highchair at that age, except one, and he is the one with the most SN's.

The one of mine that came out of a cot and highchair at the oldest age was DS2 and he was 3y6mo for the cot (it was easier to tip the end of the cot up for his respiratory issues) and the highchair at around 3y2mo when it broke with him in! Blush (He wasn't mobile so was quite heavy at that point. He's a skinny malinky now)

And he wasn't able to sit up unaided until he was 2y6mo, so it wasn't a stretch that he was in a highchair for a while after.

But for an NT DC, I would raise an eyebrow, for sure.

DS3 is 3yo on Friday. He was out of a cot at 11mo as it was too dangerous, as he was throw ing himself out of it. A toddler bed with the cot mattress on the floor was safer for him. Ditto the highchair at 16mo. And he's NOT NT.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 21/01/2014 01:40

I haven't seen her in her crib in ages so not actually sure of the fit there. I know she does still sleep in it though.

OP posts:
LoopyLobster · 21/01/2014 01:42

Actual crib? Are you sure?

SavoyCabbage · 21/01/2014 01:42

An actual crib?

And what kind of high chair? One with a plastic tray and what not or a chair like these

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 21/01/2014 01:45

I'm an American so to me a cot is an Army or camping type thing! :) I mean a crib like this

Bogey the high chair has not been adapted and is used with a tray. I don't "care", as in I would never say anything to the mother, I don't lie awake thinking about it, etc. I really am wondering if I am BU to think it's odd. That's why I "care".

OP posts:
HeartShapedBox · 21/01/2014 01:49

hmm. it depends, really.

my ds is 3 yrs 4 months, doesn't have anything "babyish", slept in single bed from 17 months old, for example.

neighbours child is 3 yrs 9 months and has a dummy, baby bottle, uses highchair ( can see into their living room from mine without trying) and uses a buggy ( ie gets put in buggy, wheeled out to car and strapped into car seat, buggy folded and put in boot, reverse it for when they come home. from car to front door is perhaps 7 foot, maybe 8 at a push)

however, my ds is the eldest of 3 ( other two are 17 months and almost 12 weeks so I'm using a double buggy for them etc) and neighbours kid is an only.

maybe only children get babied that wee bit longer?

for instance, my eldest had a dummy/ bottle til 2 (so until middle dc was about 5 weeks old- middle dc came off baby bottle just before first birthday) and used a buggy til I was about 3/4 months pregnant with dc3

uselessinformation · 21/01/2014 01:49

Ds in cot until 3yr 4 mths (never tried to climb out) and high chair until 3yr 6mths (no sn).

SavoyCabbage · 21/01/2014 01:52

Ok, well I don't think it's that weird to sleep in a cot. My dd was just a bit younger than that when she went into a bed and that was because we were having dd2.

I don't get it when people do things early. My neighbour put her carseat in when she was a couple of months pregnant and bought a baby walker when the baby was two months ole etc. I don't understand that. Always going on to the next stage rather than enjoying the one you are in.

Both my dds still use their Tripp trapp chairs and my oldest is 10.

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 21/01/2014 01:54

Savoy I don't think people should do things "early" or push either. I whole heartedly agree with enjoying the stage they're in...it's just to me, my first thought was that they aren't in the baby stage anymore.

But it looks like it's not so odd after all. :) Thanks for the replies!

OP posts:
CouthyMow · 21/01/2014 02:16

Not that odd then. I never pushed my DC's to the next stage, but they each moved on when it was the right time for them.

DS3 was moved out of a cot and highchair far earlier than I would have liked, but it was purely for safety reasons. You can't tie him down or hem him in! He sits perfectly well on a dining chair, and has done since we got rid of the highchair.

I suspect that that is because he knows that he can get down, should he want to, yet in a highchair, the straps seem to instantly say to him that he can't get down.

He's the same with his bed - if I had known sooner that the reason he NEVER slept in it, and either co slept or climbed out to co sleep was because he detested the 'hemmed in' feeling of the bars, I would gave put him in a bed sooner!

From his first night in his bed, he doesn't get out of it until he wakes in the morning.

Contrary bugger, my DS3! Grin

I reckon he will be slightly claustrophobic tbh. Never felt the need to test this yet...

ebwy · 21/01/2014 02:32

My three and a half year old is on the large side but has been known to put himself into his little brother's cheap Ikea high chair. He fits.

He doesn't fit in the cot though. And there are a few 4 year olds at nursery who are collected from the school in a buggy with dummy (at that age, if they do still use one make it an at home thing - 35 years later and I still remember which kid still had a dummy in nursery because he had the mickey taken a lot about it in the following years

MrRected · 21/01/2014 02:43

Yes it is a bit odd. My DS1 started in uniformed school at 3y7 months (overseas)...

All of mine were out of cots at 18 months and had finished with the high chair by then too.

Ozziegirly · 21/01/2014 02:50

My DS (3.5) sleeps in a cot bed (cot with sides taken off) but there's no way he's fit in a high chair and he has eschewed the pram since he was younger than 2.

However, they are unlikely to be in a cot at 15 so it's not that much of a worry surely?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 21/01/2014 03:15

The sides are on, Ozzie. I know lots of kids that age whose parents took the sides off and converted it into a toddler bed.

No, it's not that much a of a worry...not a worry at all actually. :) It's just that every time I see it I think "hmm" so I wondered if I was odd to think it was odd! I didn't want to ask anyone IRL (mother is a friend) so thought I'd ask here.

OP posts:
HeartShapedBox · 21/01/2014 03:26

have you asked the mum why child's still in cot/ highchair ? not in a judgey wAy, just conversationally?

Original poster
CheerfulYank · 21/01/2014 04:28

Not really, this friend is pretty defensive as a whole.

Her dd was going to stay with me next month for a few days (not going to happen now) and she mentioned she would bring the pack n play (that's what we call it, like a play pen type thing) for her to sleep in. Her dd would be pretty much three and a half by then so I just said "oh no worries, I'll just put her in our toddler bed." And she said "oh I never thought of that" or something along those lines.

She has said in the past that she doesn't know how to convert the crib so she just leaves it.

Overall she and her DH do seem to think that dd is younger than she actually is, IYKWIM? like they discuss her in front of dd herself like you would a much younger child who didn't understand what you were saying.

She is an only, though, so that sort of makes sense. My friend is having another baby in September and I think once she does, her dd will seem so much older.

OP posts:
cory · 21/01/2014 08:13

Could it be undiagnosed SN that the mother is responding to? On the two occasions when I have put my judgey pants on and been convinced that the parents are babying their child, same child has later been diagnosed as autistic- the parents were simply responding to something about their child even though they didn't know what it was.

A bit like my friends thought I was babying 4yo dd when I let her ride her on my shoulders on days out. I just knew she couldn't do what the others could, though it was another 4 years before her joint disorder was diagnosed.

edamsavestheday · 21/01/2014 08:18

That's a good point, Cory.

SlightlyTerrified · 21/01/2014 08:49

The cot thing is only odd as it is not the 'norm' I guess. If it is easier to leave the sides on the cot then it doesn't matter I suppose but TBH once my DCs were in normal beds holidays and staying out was much easier. There is also only a 2 year gap between them so I needed the cot.

I wouldn't have let my children after about 2 YO use a highchair as I think it is important they learn how to sit at the table and eat properly without getting down etc, sometimes we had a booster seat or a cushion for height reasons but not something that strapped them in.

MiaowTheCat · 21/01/2014 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.