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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit miffed

20 replies

Adeleh · 03/01/2014 23:56

My DH found wrapper for pg test, and wanted to know what was happening as he had vasectomy several years ago. I explained that, as I'd got pregnant on Mirena, I always take pg tests if period late. In fact period came right after test. He still seems upset. But why would he be upset unless he thinks I'm having affair? I do have many faults but betrayal not one of them. Am a bit miffed tbh. Didn't mention test to him because I know I can be irrational and neurotic, and sometimes that can be tedious. If I'd been unfaithful, I'm sure I'd have hidden things more. (And you do hear of pregnancies after the snip . . .)

OP posts:
BohemianGirl · 03/01/2014 23:58

I find it odd you've never mentioned your neurosis to him before and so does he by the sounds of it. How much are tests these days? It's a lot of money to throw away

Doinmummy · 03/01/2014 23:58

I can understand him being miffed. In his head he's had a vasectomy so why would you be checking to see if you're pregnant .

Original poster
Adeleh · 04/01/2014 00:03

I have mentioned it to him, just don't do it every time. Test £3.50 from Tesco. Maybe iabu though.

OP posts:
Lairyfights · 04/01/2014 00:03

I think YABU, of course your DH would be suspicious if he had found a pregnancy test! If you don't tell him that this is what you do, I can imagine it came as a massive shock and probably scared him shitless!

If you are that anxious and need to do these tests then that's your perogative, however a bit of open communication with your DH would have definitely avoided this situation - plus, he's your husband, he can probably help you with your anxiety issues!

Doinmummy · 04/01/2014 00:04

I expect he was scared that you are either having an affair or are pregnant when you have decided on no more children hence him having a vasectomy.

LadyVetinari · 04/01/2014 00:10

A PG test is a totally understandable response to a late period. After all, vasectomies can become reversed spontaneously...

ashtrayheart · 04/01/2014 00:13

My dp has had the snip and I have a mirena - and no periods. I think my dp would be Shock if he found a pg test wrapper!

RestingActress · 04/01/2014 00:15

What lairyfights said

Original poster
Adeleh · 04/01/2014 00:16

But would he be upset if you explained that you took the test because you can never be completely sure? Mirena was presented to me as almost completely reliable, and it was still firmly in place when I got pregnant. So I do take tests if I'm late.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 04/01/2014 00:24

If you 'always' do this, then it suggests your periods aren't terribly regular and you should probably stop being so neurotic about being pregnant when it's highly unlikely. It seems like an odd thing not to have mentioned to him at some stage - before him finding the wrappings... I can see why he was Hmm

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 04/01/2014 00:38

A pill is a bit different from a surgical procedure OP. I do think it's good to be safe, but it's perfectly understandable for him to be a bit confused.

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 04/01/2014 00:39

Sorry coil! Not pill

DoYouLikeMyBaubles · 04/01/2014 00:40

Ignore my first sentence it makes no sense now Blush

Still there is a big difference from having a coil, and having a vasectomy.

AgentZigzag · 04/01/2014 01:36

HNBU to wonder what's going on, but he should take your answer as the truth unless he has any other worries about your relationship.

I don't tell DH about every in/out of my neuroses, fucking hell, I want to have a positive relationship with the bloke! Grin

Plus some things are my own business.

Anxieties aren't stopped by someone telling you it's not something you should be worrying about Chipping, they can seem irrational to other people but they're very real to the person, even if they know their thinking's possibly getting it out of perspective.

sykadelic15 · 04/01/2014 02:22

Yeah... he's had a surgical procedure which is a lot different to if he hadn't AND you were on Mirena (I'd understand then... although I haven't had a period in 4 1/2 years since getting the rod).

I totally understand him freaking out. It's irrational to think because your period is late that you could be pregnant, unless you were over a month late and had symptoms. There are many other reasons for it and I suggest you see a doc. Are you still on Mirena?

He's going to be a little mistrustful of you for a while, I know my husband would be in this situation! The only time I took a PG test I told him about it and it was because I had a few symptoms from the hormonal changes from changing over my old rod to the new one.

Yeah... my DH would f.l.i.p!

steff13 · 04/01/2014 03:08

My brother's vasectomy spontaneously reversed, so we have a surprise niece. So, I understand that you get nervous when your period is late.

I don't think he's being unreasonable to wonder what's going on; anyone would in that position. However, unless he has other reason to doubt you he is being unreasonable to continue to be upset. I'd just calmly talk to him about it, see what he's thinking.

Original poster
Adeleh · 04/01/2014 03:22

No - haven't been on Mirena for years, because got pg when on it! That's why paranoid now! But will try again to put his mind at rest. It really is just because we were sure we were safe with Mitena, and then we weren't. Statistically the two don't seem too different. But thanks for all the feedback - v grateful.

OP posts:
Idocrazythings · 04/01/2014 04:40

I can see where you're coming from and I don't think there is a problem with you doing a test or that you didn't tell him. I can also see that he may be a bit confused as to why you would be doing one as in his mind another pregnancy is 100% not going to happen where as you seem to be more never say never. Surely if you just say to him occasionally I like to do one for peace of mind and not necessarily feel the need to tell you I'm doing one that should be ok?

If after all that he is still going to accuse you of being unfaithful there are some trust issues to work out.

Idocrazythings · 04/01/2014 04:43

I think it all comes down to whether you have the fancies to be a serial POAS'er or not. Everyone is different. Some people do them more frequently than others... And with hardly any symptoms either.

Idocrazythings · 04/01/2014 04:44

Crap *the tendencies

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