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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD about DSD's constant nits.

38 replies

LouiseSmith · 03/01/2014 15:22

So heres the situation,

My DSD always comes to us on a Friday with nits. We treat her, and check her hair and she's always sent home nit free on the Sunday. To go through the whole process again. My DP has sent her mum messages saying she has nits, and all she says is "I know, shes been crawling for days."

Am I too be unreasonable in thinking she should be treating her, and at the risk of being flamed here I don't want nits in my home, or for my son to keep getting them from her (hasn't happened yet mind) Not the little girls fault but what can we do?

OP posts:

minniemagoo · 03/01/2014 15:27

Unfortunately unless the mum treats her household, people, bedding, brushes etc they are likely to keep returning. Is the mum treating them? Would she be amiable to you passing on some treatment tips/shampoo etc?

SaucyJack · 03/01/2014 15:27

Yes, YABU to be blaming the mother for a nit epidemic at the school. Your partner has shared custody of his daughter- these things are just as much his responsibility as hers.

Being a Saturday dad isn't just about the fun bits.

Fragglewump · 03/01/2014 15:28

Op I feel your pain as we have exactly the same! We have had my dsd visit us with nits constantly for about 4 years. Sooooo frustrating for us as we then have to constantly treat my own dcs every week too. I feel it is neglectful to subject your child to a life of constant nits but I guess these other parents don't! We have tried asking nicely, giving tips, and everything else we can think of but if she can't be arsed doesn't see it as a priority then there's little anyone can do to persuade her otherwise! Good luck.

pandaptogether · 03/01/2014 15:29

Not sure really, keep treating her? I hate it when i see children scratching and the parents leave until its convenient to treat it. It must be so uncomfortable for them.

My dd get them occasionally and you just have to deal with it and keep their hair tied up. Youve tried letting the mum know, theres not much else you can do but de-nit when they are with you

SantanaLopez · 03/01/2014 15:29

Depends- there could be a nitty child at school who is never treated. But mum should be combing every night if there is.

Original poster

LouiseSmith · 03/01/2014 15:32

I'm not blaming the mother at all. But other children have been told (by there mothers ) not to play with DSD because she has 'little friends.' We deal with it, buy the stuff treat her weekly, and then when we get her back even when she hasn't been at school she's crawling with them again. Surely that's a bit extreme, and almost neglectful to leave it without treatment.

OP posts:

Fragglewump · 03/01/2014 15:33

From experience it is impossible and very demoralising to spend hours at the weekend treating and combing if the other parent doesn't play ball and do the same - as unless you do it every day or every other day they will keep coming back!

mrspremise · 03/01/2014 15:33

TBH, they should never have gotten rid of the nit nurse from school. My kids have them almost constantly, despite all the treating and combing...

Purplepoodle · 03/01/2014 15:35

Would it be worth sending an electric nit comb home with her when dp drops her off? He could tell her mum that he's found it great so thought she might like one?

Chattymummyhere · 03/01/2014 15:38

Vosene shampoo I think its called do a nit repel version £2 a bottle in asda, maybe you could give mum some of that (or get her to buy it if she will) it might help a bit if mum is not bothering at home. We have just started using it to try and avoid the kids getting nits I've heard in recommenced on here before

Original poster

LouiseSmith · 03/01/2014 15:42

@chattymummyhere - thank you, I will grab us a bottle.

We have sent bottles of stuff home, combs, offered to buy enough to treat all of the children but she says we're being rude. But when we ask why we're the only ones treating it, she says she's got other kids not just DSD and why should she pay for it, there's no winning,

DP is thinking about calling SS as he says it's neglectful, I personally am not sure. I've told him not to rock the boat but I don't know what to say.

OP posts:

Loopylouu · 03/01/2014 15:43

My ds has had nits for a over year now. I'm at my wits end.
I tried everything.

He's put his foot down about daily washing and combing - he's 11 so I am finding hard to force him.

I get emails from his dad and partner all the time saying I'm being neglectful, but what more can I do? I have used every treatment going and now wash and comb every 2-3 days with tea tree oil but it's getting more and more difficult as ds becomes more and more difficult. I'm in between a rock and a hard place.

Original poster

LouiseSmith · 03/01/2014 15:47

@loopylouu - I feel for you. It's not a nice situation to be in. We're trying to be supportive and helpful, because at the end of the day it's for DSD but we kept being met with a brick wall. From what DSD has said her mum doesn't treat them. She's 6.

OP posts:

SaucyJack · 03/01/2014 15:48

We deal with it, buy the stuff treat her weekly, and then when we get her back even when she hasn't been at school she's crawling with them again.

I simply don't believe this. If your SD had an isolated infestation, and you were treating it properly at the weekend, then you'd clear it up within two or three weeks.

If she's constantly crawling then I strongly suspect her entire class is.

Nits are an ongoing battle with my two girls. My ex and his partner tried to pass the buck to me solely on to me in much the same way that you are doing until I set him straight.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2014 15:52

My DSD always comes to us on a Friday with nits. We treat her, and check her hair and she's always sent home nit free on the Sunday. To go through the whole process again.

It takes 7-10 days for the eggs to hatch

So if she's crawling with them by Friday, the chances are you/your DH aren't removing them all.

Fragglewump · 03/01/2014 15:55

@saucyjack I just don't agree. We have been doing this for years but if the op's dsd goes back to a house where her mum won't treat them and gets into bedclothes which have nits and eggs and uses hairbrushes with nits and eggs then they will never go! It's crazy to suggest that a parent with weekend only contact can eradicate them with no help from the other parent!

C3P0 · 03/01/2014 15:57

Maybe a buzz cut is the way forward? No hair, no problem.

Altinkum · 03/01/2014 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack · 03/01/2014 16:05

Fragglewump

You're either misunderstanding me, or I'm not explaining myself very well.

I'm not suggesting for a second that nit prevention should only be the problem of the OP's partner.

I just don't agree with them trying to blame solely onto the mother when it's most likely an ongoing problem at the child's school.

The mother may very well be thinking the same thing about the OP.

HotDogHotDogHotDiggityDog · 03/01/2014 16:07

I've had an ongoing battle with DD's hair for about 3 years now. Thankfully as she's getting older (9) she's not getting them as often as before, I think it's mainly because she's growing out of hugging her friends in class so much.

I do get pissed off when she comes home from her dad's with messages passed on that I should be doing her hair more often with lotion and some silly little 'cures' exMIL has come up with i.e full head of hairspray to prevent the nits sticking .

Putting lotion on her hair on a weekly basis is not good. DD has a dry, flaky scalp as a result. The advice I give is to just try and manage it as best as possible with regular coming and a repellent shampoo. Occasionally put lotion on if its particularly bad and of course inform the school so they can send notes out.

I remember my mum going through the same battle with me at that age. My brothers & SIL's are going through the same with my DN's. Friends moan about it too. They are all in different schools so it's very common.

It is not a sign of neglect.

BlatantRedhead · 03/01/2014 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jacks365 · 03/01/2014 16:11

Saucy I think you may have missed the significance of the op mentioning that they had offered to the mum to pay for all the children to be treated in other words their dsd has other children in the home that she is mixing with on a day to day basis and that they are the source of the constant reinfection because the mum isn't treating any of them.

Op your dp may be right to speak to ss because if this is being ignored what other needs are as well.

Altinkum · 03/01/2014 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fragglewump · 03/01/2014 16:29

Saucyjack I think I understand you but suspect you have either misunderstood the op or have another axe to grind. If there is a big nit problem at school then the dsds mum should be combing her hair free of nits and eggs everyday. She's not doing it...... At all by the sound of it. Whoever has the child the bulk of the time must by default take the majority of the responsibility for keeping the child nit free else it will not work.

SaucyJack · 03/01/2014 16:32

jacks

Why would the mother want them to send her some of the stuff they use when it clearly doesn't work?

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