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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel aggrieved by my presents from parents?

13 replies

kazza446 · 27/12/2013 10:49

Really feel mean writing this but it has seriously got on my tits! My dm asked what we wanted for Christmas. I told her politely that kids had everything they needed and rather than buy us presents we would really appreciate some money towards a holiday. I'm currently on crappy mat leave & after a crap year we would all benefit greatly from a holiday. Dm agreed so was a bit pissed off yesterday when she arrived with a bag of toys for kids. Me & dh got a few bits. I got a few pairs of primark pyjamas & a pair of hideous slippers. My dh got a gift voucher for a store for £25 and some biscuits. My db on the otherhand got shoes, trousers, homeware stuff and flights paid for for both him and his gf for a city break. My brother is golden balls in my mums eyes. He always pleads poverty and she must give him at least £100 a month to allegedly pay for food and bills. (He lives with his gf and baby) she doesn't work and is claiming as a single parent. They always have money for cigarettes and beer amazingly. My dh and I work full time in stressful jobs but we are by no means affluent, we just get by on a monthly basis. Never ever thought I would be jeleaous by it but it has began to get on my nerves. Her purse is always open for them.

OP posts:
skiingnomore · 27/12/2013 11:04

Same in our family.

My DM gave my husband some old spice aftershave and me a pair of slippers. She never even responded to my invitation for Christmas as she spends it every year without fail with my darling sister and her children. Sadly this year she broke her leg whislt there so my sister is stuck with her now for a month or so.............Im not smiling just saying..........

My DPIL are the best. DH is one of 4. The others are all girls and dont work. In 20 years Ive never known them cook for DPIL at christmas or any other time for that matter. I do it every year without fail but never again. This year they turned up with a bag of secondhand books for me and DH as presents and spent all lunch saying how marvellous the other 3 were and how much money they have given them to help them out ( tens of thousands to pay off mortgages etc ). We get nothing and never have. I do have a very well paid job BTW but work hideous hours and therefore dont exactly look forward to all the christmas catering. The ugly sisters turn up only when they get money.

So next year and forever now we shall be spending Christmas in the Alps in some uber expensive hotel being waited on hand and foot. No longer will I be the mug I have been.

YANBU. My pet hate is parents who are not fair and I will tell anyone who will listen that is why families fall out.

Hope that helps.

HappyMummyOfOne · 27/12/2013 11:06

Parents should treat their children the same but sadly many dont be they adult children or toddlers.

However, you both sound as bad as each other. Your post is awful, slating gifts as they dont meet your standards and the lack of money means you might have to pay for your holiday as sounds like you were expecting her to fund the bulk of it.

Original poster
kazza446 · 27/12/2013 11:13

Not at all mummyofone. If she had never asked me I wouldn't have been bothered but why ask me what we would like and then not give it. I would never expect hert to pay for it all but just a token gesture would have been nice, especially knowing what she had given my db. Like I said, I feel terrible for feeling this way as I'm not a jeleaous person. I just feel that this has reinforced my feeling of insecurity comparing how she treats me and my brother.

OP posts:
Original poster
kazza446 · 27/12/2013 11:18

Thankyou skiingnomore. Luckily I have a great set of parents in laws who treat me, my dh and sil exactly the same. Just breaks my heart when I know wot an ungrateful shit my db is to my m&d. He's assaulted my dad in past, is continually verbally abusive to them bothand continually just takes from them. He must have aged my mum something chronic in past 20 years. I think that now his baby has come along its like a golden ticket to their bank funds.

OP posts:
FionasFatFairy · 27/12/2013 11:21

DH's family are generous, but not fair.

A few years ago PIL offered to sell DH their car as they were selling their UK house. I advised against it, suggesting they would still expect use of it whenever in the country. DH bought his own car.

PIL gave (not sold) the car to his brother.

The next time PIL came to UK they asked DH if the could have his car? He said he needed it for work. Their response, you can use your wife's car. He pointed out that I work full time, need my own car at work for visiting clients, would have to walk 20 minutes to the station and pay a lot in dares, the same in reverse at the end of the day. DH went to evening shift before I finished work which was the reason we had our own cars in the first place.

We still see similar behaviour.

SuperStrength · 27/12/2013 11:47

Your brother lives with his GF but she claims as a single parent, isn't that benefit fraud?

brettgirl2 · 27/12/2013 11:52

its not fair but to be honest I think that they abu with the amount they are spending on your brother, not you.

Miserere · 27/12/2013 12:00

I wouldn't have asked for money even if my parents had asked what I wanted for Christmas. But I do think the difference between your brother's gifts and your own is unfair on the face of it.

I hope you do spend next Christmas in the Alps, nomoreskiing! How dreadful your families sound. I wouldn't host, or offer to host, for any of them again, either.

Original poster
kazza446 · 27/12/2013 12:27

It sure is superstrength!! It annoys me soooo much when others have to work legitimately and hard to keep a roof above their head.

OP posts:
Original poster
kazza446 · 27/12/2013 12:27

Families are just great!!!!

OP posts:
Mumstheword1976 · 27/12/2013 12:33

I understand your irritation. My ex's parents were much the same. His sister was given everything from 3 holidays a year to Spain, to thousands of pounds worth of furniture to a a holiday to Vegas. They even pay all of her rent, all of her bills and give her 100 quid or so a month on top. Ex dp got a m&s aftershave set for Xmas...... That's it. Very unfair and I do feel for him.

WooWooOwl · 27/12/2013 12:36

I don't think it would come across as if your parents had done anything wrong if they hadn't bought flights for your brother.

It would be understandable that they chose not to give money, lots of people prefer to give an actual gift rather than a financial contribution towards something for Christmas or birthdays, and I don't think they should be obliged to give money just because they asked what you'd like and you told them.

The real issue is that you are not being treated equally, which is horrible, but it's one of those problems that is very difficult to handle without coming across as jealous and grabby.

springysofa · 27/12/2013 12:43

yanbu

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