Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be annoyed with DH for being a misery when ill?

25 replies

HoleyGhost · 17/12/2013 13:14

Every time he has a cold he turns into a dementor - sighing and speaking a miserable voice and maintaining a pained expression. He is not ill enough to take time off work or see a GP, just enough to suck all the joy from the festive season.

I am fed up with it. I don't wallow when ill, neither do the dc. I just want him to go to bed and stay there until he can interact normally.

AIBU ?

OP posts:

HaleyDunphy · 17/12/2013 13:21

Ha, my DH is the same. It does annoy me slightly, but then again I'm no joy to be around when ill (though I do handle it better than him )

ShatnersBassoon · 17/12/2013 13:22

He's probably just tired if he's working and nursing a cold. The illness itself isn't that bad but can be tiring.

Is he refusing to lie in bed and rest? Has he been taking any medicine for it?

Purplefrogshoe · 17/12/2013 13:26

my DH has been in bed for 8 days with a chest infection, i also have chest infection, i have gone to work, cooked, cleaned, school run as i have had no option! YANBU

ViviPru · 17/12/2013 13:28

"sighing and speaking a miserable voice and maintaining a pained expression."

This is so funny as it's such a perfect description of my DH when ill. Conversely, should there be anything amiss with my health, he shows no real sympathy whatsoever. (I feel I ought to add that notwithstanding illness, he is an otherwise wonderful human!)

Vikki88 · 17/12/2013 13:30

This is my DP! I tell him if he can't cheer up then to go to bed. He's more dramatic than DC when they're trying to get a day off school!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/12/2013 13:31

I'm going to say YABVVVVVVU only because I'm exactly the same with a headcold. I feel almost suicidal and burst into tears (which makes it SO much worse).

If your husband isn't prone to giving way at every mild illness then you should cut him some slack with a headcold... give him lemsips, water and tissues and let him wallow.

... and then, as soon as it's gone, he needs to be 'up and at 'em' and make up for all his 'wallow time'.

Commiserations to him though, it feels crap - also to you as you have to look after him. Cake?

Original poster

HoleyGhost · 17/12/2013 13:35

Yes, he refuses to go bed and rest & also shows little sympathy for me when ill.

He is generally wonderful, so I can live with occasional malingering. God forbid he ever becomes chronically ill though!

He is convinced that his behaviour is normal and that I don't like ill people

OP posts:

Mattissy · 17/12/2013 13:52

I'd make a shit nurse coz I just get the rage and want to punch dh if he's ill!

I'm loving the rest if the time, I swear! Lol

Mim78 · 17/12/2013 14:03

This seems to be the theme with me - my DP anyway. Makes such a big thing about his own illness, but cannot sympathise with anyone else's.

For example I have just had a cold. Had to carry on as normal. He then caught the same cold and you'd think he was dying.

"sighing and speaking a miserable voice and maintaining a pained expression."

This is exactly what we get - the sighing especially.

Mim78 · 17/12/2013 14:03

I mean men, not me. The definition of "man flu" I think. No excuse, but it seems to be common.

PinsAndNoodles · 17/12/2013 14:05

I'm like this - I'm a NIGHTMARE when I'm ill - pained voice, pathetic requests for other people to do things for me, etc etc. Eugh, I would want to punch me.

BuntyandherMassiveGlitteryCoil · 17/12/2013 14:06

Ugh, my husband does this. I was brought up with the mindset of take two paracetamol and get on with it.

I have shouted at him before to stop being so pathetic.

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 17/12/2013 14:09

My ex is being the same at the moment, he is doing sighs and feeling his forehead every few minutes.

He hasnt yet got a decent place to live so he visits the kids here.

I swear its a virus but he cried (!) and went to the doctors and demanded blood tests.

I will laugh a hearty laugh if they all come back normal. It would be a lot of drama, tears and self forehead feeling for just a virus.

He has a temperature and feels crap.

Thats it.

Thats all.

ITS A FUCKING VIRUS YOU TWAT!

cerealqueen · 17/12/2013 14:11

YANBU. I have this with DP at the moment. He is always getting ill, but never looks after his health.

He has a longstanding health issue for which he takes medication, but because it doesn't make him ill, he will often not take the medication and I have to nag him.

Yet any niggle, he'll moan and whine about and get me worried - eg, he says when he picks up one of the DDs, he feels it in his brain, he is very worried, must go to the doctor. I am a terrible worrier about major ill health issues as we have both lost our parents and am forever worried about leaving the DCs orphans. So I worry, urge him to see the doctor, and he never does. He hasn't mentioned it since.

If I am ill, he isn't that caring.

Its the attention he wants.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 17/12/2013 14:39

I agree. Cheer up or go to bed. Moping, sighing, moaning and flopping listlessly on the sofa is not allowed if you are an adult, and barely tolerated in children.

applejacket · 17/12/2013 14:41

YANBU x 1000000000

had this nearly a week with dh - he is on the mend now, poor lamb THANK FUCK

SugarAndSpice126 · 17/12/2013 15:04

I'm so bloody relieved to see this thread! DP is very tiresome when ill (cold etc, nothing serious). What really gets me is I see him chatting loudly with others, being loud generally...then when we're alone he's back to 'woe is me' holding his head with an awful headache! How is this possible?! Though obviously I can't say this out loud... When I'm I'll I just get on with it or go to bed/take medication/go to GP if I need to

TheLostWinchesterWife · 17/12/2013 15:12

Totally agree. It's the 'Nobody has ever had a cold THIS bad before' sighs and groans that annoy me. I have to say he is sympathetic fleetingly as he escapes out the door to work when I'm ill. The bit that really gets my goat though is when they have exactly the same symptoms at exactly the same severity as you have had but they get to go to bed and wallow while you have had to do teh school run, nativities (at this time of year), homework, club runs, teas, bathtimes, bedtimes etc while feeling like an extra from Night of the Living Dead!!

CheshirePanda · 17/12/2013 20:07

So true. All of it. I can hardly prevent myself smacking him in the face when he starts up with the latest ailment. Last year he complained so much abut tonsillitis (which I'd had the week before and got on with, whilst doing everything for the baby) I rang NHS direct and basically had to have a massive strop on the phone to get someone vaguely medically qualified to call us back...(he was making such a fuss I thought he might actually be properly seriously ill. ) When a nurse called he went from the dementor voice to 'good afternoon, thank you so much for calling, yes I am feeling a bit under the weather' I couldn't believe it. She then said to drink lots and stay cool -- which he totally ignored(using several duvets, fleece jacket etc all at one) and made himself much worse.

Financeprincess · 17/12/2013 20:14

I laughed a lot at this thread. Especially the bit about the pained expression, sighing and miserable voice. Are we all married to the same man???

My DH also grows a beard and sits around in his dressing gown all day, speculating on illnesses he might have. Because it couldn't possibly be just a cold!

Original poster

HoleyGhost · 18/12/2013 09:37

DH informed me this morning that it is not a cold like the rest of us have. Coincidence that the symptoms are the same...

He also appears to be growing a beard

OP posts:

ThreeWisePerpendicularVinces · 18/12/2013 09:58

This thread made me laugh, MrVince is exactly the same.

If I ask him to do anything when he's ill, he whimpers and says 'do I have to, I'm ill' in a sad voice .

ShesYourDaughter · 18/12/2013 12:01

I'm a bloke and I get ill! Generally though I put up with it and don't mention anything.

Then if I'm still uner the weather at the weekend I might tell my loved one I need a cpl hours extra sleep. She's usually ok with that but takes the pee for weeks after because 'I was so I'll I had to go to bed'.

When she's ill she just snifels round the house, won't take anything for it or go to bed for which I struggle to give sympathy. Then she'll collapse into bed for a day or two and I play nurse.

Eac to their own.

I did once feel really really I'll with flu like symptoms, completely exhausted. Got the usual man flu response and finally went to the doctor who diagnosed a kidney infection. She was quite sympathetic then!

Shame I was better in 24 hours thanks to a penicillin tablet the size of a pie!

Freddiefrog · 18/12/2013 12:06

DH drives me mad when he's ill. Moans and groans constantly, lots of sad faces, brings the duvet downstairs (I have a thing about duvets downstairs), growls at anyone who comes anywhere near him and refuses to take anything for it.

Now if he's ill, he's ill, but please, please, just go to bed

DoingItForMyself · 18/12/2013 12:22

My DP had man flu last week, I took care of him (as I always do) and was very sympathetic while secretly thinking he was making a meal of it .

This week I have caught it and it is HORRIBLE! He's been lovely, making me tea, sorting the kids' lunch boxes and getting us takeaways for dinner, but he does like to joke that I have the milder 'woman flu' version which is not as debilitating as the men's variety.

Flip