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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit pissed off about this gift (I think I am)

49 replies

Gossipmonster · 16/12/2013 21:44

OH and I have 6 DC (none together). I have one DD (14) and two DS, OH has two DDS and 1 DS.

My DC live with me, we see his DC as often as possible (his 2 DDs 6 and 8) come every other weekend when he is not away with work.

All 3 of our DDs are massively into 1D, although I think DSD who is 6 copies her sister a bit.

We agreed to spend the same on all DC this Xmas. in the past OH has gone a bit OTT with his DC (esp the girls when little) and a lot of their gifts discarded/broken before they could take them home which greatly upset me. He has calmed it down a lot the last couple of yrs.

DD (14) desperately wanted the 1D perfume which I have got her think it was £30 - its the 1st time I have ever bought her a (what I consider a rather pricy) perfume and we got the girls a 1D doll each.

OH has then bought both the girls a bottle of the perfume (each!) which has really pissed me off. I think partly because I think it's ridiculous to buy a 6 yr old a bottle of £30 perfume which will just get sprayed around the house the week we have them, and partly because I wanted DD to feel a little bit more sophisticated even though they are all into the same band.

I am not going to say anything to him but want to know if IABU feeling like this?

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 16/12/2013 21:49

It doesn't matter whether YABU, because even if you're not (and you're not) you are on a hiding to nothing as. Wicked step mum! Grin

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 16/12/2013 21:51

Ah but I am not a step-mum we aren't married Grin.

I love them to death - I can just invisage the stench and my buttocks clenching at the waste.

OP posts:
pictish · 16/12/2013 21:52

Yanbu...what a wasteful man he is.

On the other hand - One Direction have a perfume? Will they stop at nothing to get kids to part with their parents cash?

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 16/12/2013 21:52

The perfume is a red herring, but if you agreed on spending £100 on each child that's a huge chunk of of the limit for a 6 year who could have a something else like a massive supply of arts stuff to open

bubblesausage · 16/12/2013 21:53

I don't think you abu I can see where you're coming from, does seem ridiculous to give a 6yr old such expensive perfume, and I'm assuming the dolls for the younger ones were instead of perfume.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 16/12/2013 21:54

why would any girl want to smell like a sweaty boy band lol

ExitPursuedByAChristmasGrinch · 16/12/2013 21:55

YANBU. he is being an indulgent Dad.

littleblackno · 16/12/2013 21:57

YANBU I would speak to him about it. What would their mum think? I would be really pissed off if my exh bought that for our 1d mad 6 yr old and would be happy if his gf said something. Some men don't seem to have a clue on what is age appropriate and have more money than sense. (I know some women don't either).

ChunkyPickle · 16/12/2013 21:57

I do think it's a bit ridiculous - plus, it means that your DD doesn't get to bestow a puff upon the younger ones in a benevolent fashion, which would probably be just as exciting as having a whole bottle to themselves (which becomes more mundane)..

TBH the money isn't really the point, more the exclusivity/pointlessness I think.

LaurieFairyCake · 16/12/2013 22:00

It's a crap gift for a 6 year old. Really, really pointless.

But it's his kids and his mistake to make.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 16/12/2013 22:01

I don't want to piss all over his parade but yes I do not feel the 6 yr old esp will appreciate it really and I thought the dolls were more age appropriate for them and yes DD got the feel like the older sophisticated sister rather than possibly feeling a bit silly.

I will tell her later after I have given it that they have one too as we won't see OH or DSDs on Xmas day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gossipmonster · 16/12/2013 22:06

ChunkyPickle YES!! Exactly that!

OP posts:
Backtobedlam · 16/12/2013 22:06

YANBU-it shows little thought on his part. There's so many other things (even 1D related) that are more suitable for a 6yr old. It's almost like he's treating them as 'the girls' rather than individuals.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 16/12/2013 22:08

Backtobedlam don't even go there - when I met him he used to just focus on the 9yr old and tell everyone when he was picking her up!! Hmm

I pointed out he has two daughters and he now treats them equally but not always as separate entities but we have progressed somewhat!!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 16/12/2013 22:16

YABU and its not worth the argument IMO.

SeaSickSal · 16/12/2013 22:18

So you buy it for your daughter and you're a great Mum. He buys it for his daughters and he is 'wasteful'.

And you complain that they break their presents and it's pointless him spending money on them. And you see them enjoying their presents as a buttock clenching waste.

Sorry, you may protest that you love them to death but you sound really resentful to me.

When he buys them something appropriate like toys you complain they break them, he's bought something else and you moan about that too. I have a feeling no matter what he bought you'd complain about anything bar a satsuma or a lump of coal.

When your kids were little and broke their Christmas presents did you stop giving them nice things?

Nerfmother · 16/12/2013 22:21

Being careful here, but do you think she will want the perfume? Dd is 15 and a massive fan, but any 1d themed stuff is met with derision? If have thought 1d perfume for a six year old much more appropriate than for a 14 year old, who'd probably want angel or body shop stuff?

ImperialBlether · 16/12/2013 22:23

Seasick, that is the strangest interpretation of a thread that I have ever read.

Original poster
Gossipmonster · 16/12/2013 22:25

She def wants it - she asked for it.

She allergic to body shop stuff.

I never said I was a great mum Hmm.

I think £30 on perfume for a 6 yr old is silly.

I don't resent my step kids. I did resent finding things (games etc) I bought them scattered all over the house and trodden on a day later.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/12/2013 22:28

He needs to learn the difference between treating them equally and treating them identically - it is perfectly possible to treat them all equally without buying them the same thing - £30 perfume is a completely daft present for a child that young - it will be wasted.

lifesgreatquestions · 16/12/2013 22:31

Things will never be equal so long as he isn't living with his children. It sounds to me that he just looks for ways to make them feel special to make up for not living with them. He may not be finding the"best" way to do that, but I applaud his trying. Of course a£30 perfume is a waste on the young ones. Does he have someone to talk to about it?

Nerfmother · 16/12/2013 22:32

That's okay then, I wouldn't worry. At least they won't be nicking hers.

justgirl · 16/12/2013 22:32

I agree ImperialBlether!!!!

BrickorCleat · 16/12/2013 22:35

It's a lovely thought for your DD, and is a surprisingly sophisticated non-cheap smelling perfume. (Tricked in a blind smell after I was snotty about it!).

Totally inappropriate for 6 year old. Your OH clearly overcompensating for something.

Just deep breaths...

FirstOnRecallDay · 16/12/2013 22:37

Just thought I'd say, the perfume is actually v nice, if it wasn't 1D I would probably buy it for myself Grin

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