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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To lose it with dp??!!!

17 replies

Lj8893 · 10/12/2013 01:38

Ok this is gonna be a big rant as currently I'm very pissed off!!

We have a 6 week old dd. I'm on ml, my dp works 6 days a week. Leaves the house at 10, home by 7.30.

I do all the night feeds, she's bottle fed and I don't mind as I can catch up on sleep during the day if needs be. Generally she's a pretty good sleeper at night and she is very good at waking me up when she's hungry.

Fairly often if she's not sleeping when Im ready for bed (10/11ish) dp will take her downstairs while he watches a film where she will go to sleep and he will bring her up about 1.

Tomorrow is his day off and earlier on in the evening he said "as I'm off tomorrow I can stay up later tonight so you can have a good sleep and then I will have a lie in."
Sounds good to me I thought, as I'm not one for lie ins anyway and would much rather a longer uninterrupted sleep instead.

I went to bed at 10.30, at 1pm I was woken up by dd crying with hunger downstairs, (she will cry after about 10 minutes of not being fed when showing hunger signs etc) i assumed dp was sorting her so I tried to go back to sleep but about 10 mins later I went downstairs. She was still crying and dp was asleep on the sofa.

I don't have a problem with him being asleep but AIBU to expect him to wake up when his dd is crying and wants feeding?!

I made her a bottle, changed her nappy, and took her upstairs. At which point dp woke up and asked what was wrong!! I said she had been crying for about 20 minutes and he replied "oh god really, sorry"
I've finished feeding her upstairs and settled her down and he has stayed downstairs!

Wibu to kick him put of bed/off the sofa to do every feed from now on and not let him have a lie in either?!?

I'm meant to be going out Friday night and will prob come home about 2, but now I'm really worried that I can't leave her with him as if he falls asleep she will be left crying and hungry!!

OP posts:

Tiptops · 10/12/2013 01:46

YABU

Sounds like he accidentally just crashed. Happens to us all.

ScaredToBeHonest · 10/12/2013 01:51

I once slept through DS screaming for food and he was in his crib only 30cm from my head.........and I'm his Mum and supposedly in tune with him

My husband woke up, changed him and fed him and I woke as he was putting him back in the crib!

It happens. Your DH would have woken up eventually

LuisGarcia · 10/12/2013 01:54

We have a 6 week old dd.

If I stopped reading here, YANBU.

Can I bring you anything?

holidaysarenice · 10/12/2013 01:57

He made his first parenting mistake. When you make yours (when not if) would you like a hug or the sofa to sleep on?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 10/12/2013 02:00

He sounds exhausted.

Good intentions by the sounds of it.

So YABU as im sure he didn't not wake up on purpose.

Original poster

Lj8893 · 10/12/2013 02:04

Ok IABU. Think I'm just feeling the sleep deprivation.!im getting about 6 hours sleep a night but its broken sleep of course.
He's getting about 8 hours unbroken sleep a night I'm just jealous

OP posts:

BillyBanter · 10/12/2013 02:06

Yabu. You're both tired. He tried to do good but failed.

LuisGarcia · 10/12/2013 02:07

I'm just jealous

Don't be jealous. The more sleep he gets, the more he can take over and the more sleep you will get. Go Team Sleep!

MammaTJ · 10/12/2013 03:01

I once slept through DS sleeping for so long a neighbour rang to check we were ok!

Don't be too hard on him!

PansOnFire · 10/12/2013 03:13

I'm not going to say YABU because I would/have felt exactly the same. However, it's a steep learning curve but one of the best pieces of advice given to me was to forgive the early parenting mistakes because most of them happen out of exhaustion and good intentions. Your DP sounds like he's trying to help you so the best thing to do is not knock his confidence with it, otherwise he'll feel like he can't do it and will probably stop offering.

Don't tell him he owes you but maybe have a bit of a shuffle round of arrangements, suggest he does the first morning feed and then goes back to bed after that? It's so hard when you're sleep deprived but it does get easier.

My DH has done similar and, IMO, I've done worse. At least my DH eventually wakes up, I really do tend not to even though I'm the mum who is supposed to be running on instinct! As it is, DS is now a year old and he's fine. Punishing myself for not waking up wouldn't have ever done any good, punishing DH for not waking up would have got me even less help. It does get easier , I'm only awake now because DS has a cold and can't sleep, other than that he does 7-7 and your LO will do similar before you know it.

Anydrinkwilldo · 10/12/2013 08:46

Hah op I'm cross with my dh coz he claims he didn't hear ds cry last night at 4am. I'm having none of it to his face but it does, and has happened here. You're sleep deprived I completely understand it, and even the slightest thing can make you irrational. You're also slightly hormonal still-not a good combination. Enjoy your day together and let the poor sod off the hook

jammiedonut · 10/12/2013 08:52

I get the jealousy over more unbroken sleep. Sounds like you are both exhausted. It's such a tough time at the start, and you do want to kill each other for the tiniest things...try not to though! Fwiw the last few weeks I've gotten used to ds sleeping through til 4am, so when he does wake at 1 or 2 I'm dead to the world and when I do finally wake up I'm faced with a very hurt looking, grumpy baby and a grouchy dh!

Whoknowswhocares · 10/12/2013 08:57

I believe you did just make your first mistake

surely the correct response to an OH sleeping through a crying newborn is to wake the OH, not deal with the baby??

Original poster

Lj8893 · 10/12/2013 09:19

I did try and wake him but he only actually woke up once the baby had stopped crying!

Well, he came up about 2am and then at 5am when dd woke up for a feed and I asked him to do it his response was "I'm really tired, this is my only day off"
I don't get a day off but yeah whatever, I just did it. Because who else was going to do it!

I was all ready to cut him some slack untill he said that. And he's still asleep now.....how lovely that would be.

OP posts:

BlousyMumsyTwat · 10/12/2013 09:23

Tbh he sounds nice :) - and he did say sorry! We've all been there - but yes, it is bloody annoying when they trot out the "but I'm tired" line - because we, as women, are always bouncing around ready to run a marathon! ;)

livinginawinterwonderland · 10/12/2013 09:26

Ooh, that last comment would annoy me.

My line of thought is this: if you're a SAHP, that is your job for the same number of hours your OH is at work. When he gets back from work, parental/household stuff has to be split. So, go wake him up and leave the baby with him and go out/have a bath. Tell him that you don't get a day off and expect him to pull his weight when he's at home, not sleep in past 9am and let you deal with everything!

Original poster

Lj8893 · 10/12/2013 17:40

Just a little update:

I had originally said to dp that I would come home about 12.30 on Friday night, but today he pre booked me a taxi for 2am so I could have a proper night out and not be worrying about getting home for dd too early!

So I think I got the message across!

OP posts:

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