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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think he might have gone off me after one date?

20 replies

oharaharlot · 08/12/2013 01:42

I've worked with a guy for the last month, we email a lot and flirt. Both free and single etc.

Even though we work together he lives in a different city to me, and he happened to be going out with his work team in my city and then I asked him if he would like to come over to mine afterwards as I knew he wouldn't be out long.

(We've been trying to arrange a date for ages, but working different shifts, different hours and living in different cities made it difficult)

He came over, we chatted, laughed and kissed. He left at 1am.

As he was leaving I said - text me when you get home.

I haven't heard from him since.

OP posts:

VanitasVanitatum · 08/12/2013 01:47

He could have got home and been distracted by a house mate or fallen asleep on the sofa, he may just have forgotten. I really wouldn't assume anything from this. Just wait and see what happens next, I wouldn't text him tonight.

MsONatto · 08/12/2013 01:49

He might have thought you sounded like his mother telling him to let her know when he got home. He might have heard warning bells ?!

Original poster

oharaharlot · 08/12/2013 01:52

MsONatto

Don't know if this is classed as drip feeding - but didn't think it was relevant. He got a bit lost on his way over to mine and when he was leaving mine he had about an hours drive.

So just a let me you got home ok because I care - I'd say that to friends/family/partners.

OP posts:

CoolaSchmoola · 08/12/2013 01:55

Was this tonight? If so and he had an hours drive he won't be home yet. If yesterday he may have been so knackered he went to bed.

Wearyworker · 08/12/2013 01:56

Surely if he only left yours at 1am he won't even be home yet?
I wouldn't panic just yet :)

CoolaSchmoola · 08/12/2013 01:56

Or he got lost on the way and isn't home yet?

Original poster

oharaharlot · 08/12/2013 01:57

Sorry this was Friday night - so like a day ago now.

Not heard a peep.

OP posts:

rabbitlady · 08/12/2013 02:29

he forgot. i do that all the time.

themaltesefalcon · 08/12/2013 04:21

I'd never do this.

I can't stand being obliged to reassure anyone as to my whereabouts if he isn't the father of my child, and
if I didn't get home until silly o'clock (as he mustn't have), then I'd not risk waking you with an inane and unnecessary text.

Please don't waste a moment's thought on it, OP.

Financeprincess · 08/12/2013 08:12

Even if he never texts you again, don't think it's because you asked him to text you. It's not your fault!

Can you handle brutal frankness? I think he's decided that, for whatever reason, you and he aren't happening. Maybe he enjoyed all the flirting and e-mailing but when it came to the crunch he found that he didn't fancy you enough.

None of this is your fault. It doesn't mean that you're unattractive. This sort of thing even happens to Jennifer bloody Aniston. Somebody else out there will be mad about you, so chin up and get out there and mingle. If your colleague gets in touch again, that's a bonus.

Mia4 · 08/12/2013 10:14

I'm agreeing with Financeprincess here I'm afraid OP. When in work on monday be friendly and civil and see how he is but I really wouldn't wait around or bother too much about why he's not contacted you.

fluffyraggies · 08/12/2013 10:35

Hmmm. If the last time you saw/spoke/kissed was Friday night, and you've heard nothing at all from him for the whole of Saturday then i would assume he's not keen. Sorry OP.

Forgetting to text on the Friday night when he got home is plausible, but not a peep the whole of the next day is a bit flat line'ish IMO.

Perhaps he'll phone or text this morning? If not i'd be polite but distant on Monday.

WooWooOwl · 08/12/2013 10:45

After one date that isn't really a date, you really shouldn't be asking for texts when gets home.

I'd find that off putting if a man asked me to do that, and I certainly wouldn't entertain it. It sends the message that you expect him to answer to you in the same way that couples answer to each other out of consideration when they live together. Too full on for an encounter that he didn't even initiate.

sutekidane · 08/12/2013 10:47

Isn't that the point of dates? To see whether you do quite like someone? So YANBU to think he might have gone off you but if he has, it's not because you asked him to text, it's just sometimes flirting doesn't go anywhere after all.

formerbabe · 08/12/2013 10:50

Maybe he got home and didn't want to text you because it was late and thought you might have been asleep and didn't want to wake you.

Another potential scenario...he was in town, thought you might have been up for a one nighter? It never happened so he moved on. Not saying this is definitely the case, but it wouldn't be the first time in history this has happened.

Leverette · 08/12/2013 10:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

daphnesglasses · 08/12/2013 11:00

I agree with the others, just let it go, act civil/friendly if you have to see him at work but do NOT contact him, just leave it.

Tbh going to your house after a night out could be misconstrued as something more casual/you being too accommodating/potential shag, which is fine if that's fine with you but it sounds like you want more of a proper dating scenario so I'd hold out for that next time

SaucyJack · 08/12/2013 11:00

As Uncle Greg Behrendt would say- He's Just No That Into You.

Sorry dude. This one isn't even gonna get off the starting block. And if he does text you for a shag next time he's pissed, please have the self-respect to say no.

Draw a line and move on.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 08/12/2013 11:00

Don't agree with previous posters that just because he hasn't texted you for a day means he's decided he isn't keen. Of course it may mean that but it's certainly not a foregone conclusion. I find men are more into functional texting than just chat (generalising obviously but in my experience). I don't think it necessarily means one thing or the other you'll just have to see what hes like in work next week and take it from there.

Mattissy · 08/12/2013 11:10

Do people really expect dating as adults to be the same as dating as teenagers?

I wouldn't give it a moments thought, he'll text when he gets round to it or maybe he won't. He'll be busy and the date with you may have been pleasant but it's not the only thing happening in his life.

Flip