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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate DP staying out late at night

47 replies

FizzyPink · 30/11/2013 22:46

He goes out on average about once a week which I don't have a problem with at all. But I really struggle to sleep when he's not here and hate lying awake knowing I have to go to work in the morning.
Mainly it's due to worrying about what he might be up to. He's one of those people that are always in the wrong place at the wrong time and has a tendency to stay at friends houses and forget to send a text.
In the last six months I've been woken up by two phone calls on nights he's been out. Once when he was hit by a car after riding his bike drunk and once when he had been arrested (not his fault, we currently have a complaint against the police).
He says I'm being silly and there's no point in worrying.
Just once I'd like him to understand what it's like to not be able to sleep for hours, then get woken up at silly o'clock when he comes in then faffs around getting a drink of water, going to the toilet etc.

OP posts:
Jacobscracker1234 · 30/11/2013 22:51

That'd really piss me off, but it sounds like you are looking for him to fail you.

So even if he got in and tiptoed round, would you still wake up as you are worried/light sleeping?

Have you got children? Does it cause loads of rows?

Pinupgirl · 30/11/2013 22:51

No yanbu-but I am sure there will be many posters along shortly who will tell you that you are bu and controlling to bootHmm

Twice my dh has been on nights out and been arrested. They were many,many years ago but why should I trust him again? I have been in many states but I have never been in trouble with the police.

The last time he was on a big night out he was so drunk he pissed on my hair straightners during the night and broke them. I cannot trust him on any more nights out.

Your dp driving while drunk is way out of line. My dh used to drink until stupid o'clock and then drive-I threatened to phone the police and now he doesn't do it anymore.

Original poster
FizzyPink · 30/11/2013 22:54

No children so not that big of an issue. Just annoying that I know I have to get up early and he thinks I'm stupid for worrying even though I've tried to make him understand it's not nice to get middle of the night phone calls from the police.

OP posts:
DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 30/11/2013 22:55

The last time he was on a big night out he was so drunk he pissed on my hair straightners during the night and broke them

Sorry, but I just peed a little myself I am laughing so hard!

Pinupgirl · 30/11/2013 22:57

Its not funny dirty-they were good ones and I could only afford crap ones to replace then which have ruined my hair!!

Titsalinabumsquash · 30/11/2013 22:58

YANBU DP sometimes works away all night and I don't sleep until he gets in. He's never done anything I'd need to worry about I think it's the familiarity of having him next to me in the bed.

squeakytoy · 30/11/2013 22:59

Yabu. He is an adult not your child. It is not his fault that you can't sleep. Tell him to be more quiet when he gets in though.

Upcycled · 30/11/2013 22:59

Can you not tell him to go into spare room/sitting room, when coming drunk and tell him your phone will be turned off and he needs to phone his parents or drinking mates to rescue him.

Original poster
FizzyPink · 30/11/2013 23:00

DPs family think his drunken escapades are hilarious. Dinner party conversation always includes the time his dad weed on the curtains.
At least I know where he gets it from.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 30/11/2013 23:01

YANBU but only because he sounds like an irresponsible child

It doesn't matter how pissed he gets, if he's staying at a friend's house he should be adult enough to text and let you know.

Equally, he needs to grow up and stop getting arrested. He could have killed himself or someone else riding that bike while drunk.

On the other hand, what are you going to do about it? If he won't grow up, you can hardly keep him indoors for the rest of his life.

I'm one of the most easy going people you could meet, but even I wouldn't put up with this childish behaviour.

DirtyDancingCleanLiving · 30/11/2013 23:05

Sorry pinup but still chuckling

I do understand somewhat. Years ago when df had been out I was woken in the middle of the night to find him standing at the foot of the bed and pissing right onto the middle of it...about 2 inches away from me.

Not fun. At all.

Upcycled · 30/11/2013 23:05

If his parents find it hilarious than tell him that on drinking nights he is to go to his parents house/call them when in trouble.

Upcycled · 30/11/2013 23:07

Alcohol is just a legalised type of drug.
I wish people would just be more responsible and careful using it, since it will be impossible to prohibit its use.

WorraLiberty · 30/11/2013 23:09

DirtyDancingCleanLiving, when I was a kid I stayed the night at my Aunt and Uncle's house.

I got up in the night to use the downstairs loo and heard my Uncle come home drunk. I could hear him talking in whispers and when I came out of the loo, he was on his knees stroking their dog...saying 'Who's a good boy then'.

It wasn't til I went upstairs and saw the dog curled up in the bedroom, that I realised he'd been stroking and talking to my Aunt's fur coat in the dark Grin

FutTheShuckUp · 01/12/2013 00:13

Pinup girl for some reason I read it as he pissed on your neighbours hair straighteners. Now that would have been funny

SantaIKnowHimIKnowHim · 01/12/2013 00:19

No kids, you say? I'd wait until a random day and decide to go out on the piss with my mates til silly o clock in the morning and leave him awake and sweating. No phone calls, texts, anything. Didn't always exist them things, anyway,
Seriously, I'd be having a few 'big' nights out of my own!

mayorquimby · 01/12/2013 00:26

Yeah buy chances are he'd just go to sleep.

I wouldn't expect an adult to curb their behaviour because another adult finds it difficult to sleep when they're not around.

WilsonFrickett · 01/12/2013 00:32

I'm on the fence with this one, in that if you are with someone who is a social person and likes going out, you kind of have to accept that and not lie there at night fretting - which isnt accepting things.

Otoh - and I bloody love a drink - getting so drunk you get in trouble with the police twice is ridiculous, unfunny and just not cool. A friend of a friend killed a drunk cyclist (100% the cyclist's fault and friend was completely exonerated). A lot of lives were ruined that night.

I suppose my bottom line is going out is ok, getting drunk is ok but there's a basic level of behaviour I expect and if someone keeps crossing that, I'm not sure if that person would be right for me.

Original poster
FizzyPink · 01/12/2013 00:57

Oh fantastic, after I've laid here awake for hours after a long day at work and having to get up early again tomorrow I now get to listen to him throwing up in the bathroom while telling me how much he appreciates me helping him take off his shoes.
At least he's home and not in the gutter somewhere. I'm not even going to ask how he got home, we don't speak about that bloody bike anymore.

OP posts:
trashcanjunkie · 01/12/2013 01:04

I'm with wilson on the fence. My own Dp is out tonight, we don't live together, but stay over at each others house most nights. I have kids, he doesn't. Mine are at their dad's tonight and dp has gone out to a gig. He was supposedly having 'a couple of pints' with his mates and 'wouldn't be too late' I scoffed when he said this cos past form has him coming home between one and two thirty am.This happens once every couple of months. There are other times he does go out and have only a couple of pints, but other times when it spontaneously turns into a longer night. I don't actually mind, as neither of us have to get up in the morning, and there's no kids in the house. He's a tit when drunk sometimes, ie wakes me up being silly and wrestling, but it's always very good natured and if I was bothered I have the choice of asking him to stay at his. I'd never be dependent on someone else for me to sleep, I think that's a rocky road.

trashcanjunkie · 01/12/2013 01:05

Oh the throwing up noisily and needing help would be a real deal breaker. He's being a massive nob-head.

Original poster
FizzyPink · 01/12/2013 01:33

Just been to check on him in the bathroom and he's asleep on the floor on top of all the dirty clothes which he's emptied out of the wash basket which he now has his head in.
I've given him a glass of water and left him to it.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 01/12/2013 02:39

Yanbu.

He is clearly incapable of recognising and respecting his limits re alcohol.

JapaneseMargaret · 01/12/2013 05:42

I love a night out as much as anyone, as does my DH.

But I just don't really get this situation...

He sounds like a bit of an idiot. Is this really what you want from a boyfriend? It's fine if you do. But if not, then why are you putting up with it? Confused

You don't have kids together. Why not find someone you're more compatible with...?

MinesAPintOfTea · 01/12/2013 07:48

YABU to stay with someone who makes you so unhappy. He sounds like an immature tit ego isn't ready to grow up yet.