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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think weddings are a rip off?

73 replies

KissMyStardust · 13/11/2013 22:14

£3.50 for chair covers?! £400 for a harpist for a 20 minute ceremony?!

These things were the final straw today, the costs are actually making me feel sick. Its not even value for money. I refuse to buy in to this industry. But in laws (to be) think im being unreasonable as, apparently, we must have this, that and the next thing - what is a going away outfit anyway?! Thing is, it is the in laws that wish to fund all this but I still can't bring myself to spend such massive amounts of money, even if its not mine.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 13/11/2013 22:16

YANBU. Can you run away?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 13/11/2013 22:19

Elope.

My wedding cost about £400 total. We're just as married as anyone who spent £20,000.

Lilacroses · 13/11/2013 22:21

I feel for you....I have exactly the same feelings about the cost of weddings. We did nearly everything ourselves and not only because we didn't have alot of money...I actually think it's nicer and more personal. I agree, it makes you feel sick that you are "buying into" all this crap. It's a right racket.

frogwatcher42 · 13/11/2013 22:22

I totally get where you are coming from. I would rather spend the money paying off a mortgage, or on the honeymoon!!!

Could you talk to them and explain that you just don't want it. It is a total rip off and if you are anything like me, the best weddings you have attended have been the slightly alternative, cheaper versions and not the bog standard large house, large meal (usually pretty tasteless and cold!), dismal disco/dance, standing for hours for photos etc etc.

The best one I went to had the reception in a pub! Good luck. You're going to need it (but I am sure whatever you end up doing it will be lovely and one of the best days of your life!).

ReluctantCamper · 13/11/2013 22:24

God, I loved my wedding and properly bought into all the racket. However, you should have the wedding that suits you OP. Find a way to escape. Good luck!

overmydeadbody · 13/11/2013 22:26

Weddings don't have to be like this though, and you don't have to buy into it.

Just be firm with your In Laws, even if they are funding it, try to get them on your side in helping you organise a brilliant party for all yor friends and family without throwing money away.

Would it help if you decided exactly what you 8do* want for your wedding, what feel you want, the general atmosphere, everything, and then talk to your in laws about this and say that some things just don't 'go' with your theme.

For example, I'm having rustic wooden mismatched chairs at my wedding, so chair covers are definitely not needed!

Tell them it is just a party, will only last one day, and there is no need to spend silly money on it.

PrincessKitKat · 13/11/2013 22:27

You're not wrong OP. I had many a panic attack as I hate wasting money and couldn't cope with the excess.

I ended up looking at what I felt was essential & with that in mind, setting a budget I was comfortable with and working strictly to it.

Could that work for you?

Onefewernow · 13/11/2013 22:27

YADNBU.

I have thought the sane for ages. The sorts if weddings people have now are first world madness.

My cousin had a marquee, a field, hay bales and trestle tables, local flowers and food bought by guests. A home made cake.

It was really lovely.

Original poster

KissMyStardust · 13/11/2013 22:29

thought about eloping but would love all my family
there, especially grandparents and with having a young dd going away is a bit stressful!

fil has turned from a lovely man to some sort of wedding obsessed monster...i need to have quiet alone time after seeing him...i have mental health issues which prob doesn't help matters.

i like the pub idea though...much more us.

OP posts:

ElizabethBathory · 13/11/2013 22:29

Elope.

ElizabethBathory · 13/11/2013 22:29

Sorry xpost OP!

WooWooOwl · 13/11/2013 22:31

Weddings are not a rip off. Weddings are lovely celebrations.

Certain wedding services are a rip off though, absolutely. You don't need even half of what's available and marketed as essential to brides, and I say that as someone that had the whole big shebang of a wedding.

Think about the things you actually want for your wedding, like happy guests and a lovely memory, and work out what will make that happen. Chair covers contribute nothing of real value to a wedding. Drinks, good food and good music contribute massively to happy guests, and that is what you will remember.

Let the inlaws spend their money, just make sure they spend it of stuff that will let you and your future husband have the wedding you want.

frogwatcher42 · 13/11/2013 22:32

The pub was genuinely lovely. They had a church wedding, then we all went to the pub, had pub grub (pre ordered - there were a lot of us but pub had a few rooms which were all traditional and lovely) then informal speeches and music in pub with locals coming and going. Pub fires in the evening - all very casual. The pub only charged for the actual menu prices, we all commented on how great the food was compared to most weddings, and the informal dancing and chatting with log fires was excellent. It was a great knees up - bit like a pub party at new year!!!

fannyfireworks · 13/11/2013 22:35

I couldnt take money if it meant compromising on what i wanted. Too late to back out and do it all yourselves OP?

80sMum · 13/11/2013 22:36

Weddings are a bit of a rip off, I agree. As soon as the word "wedding" is mentioned, the price of everything seems to go up. Why does a fairly ordinary meal that would normally cost less than £20 suddenly cost £50 a head? How come a nice evening dress might cost £300 but if it's a wedding dress it's £1,300?

Original poster

KissMyStardust · 13/11/2013 22:38

WooWooOwl - i totally agree with you, weddings are lovely celebrations, i want to have that.

Im not good at standing up for myself and there is so much pressure from ILs.

OP posts:

Slimchance · 13/11/2013 22:38

YANBU. And the worst of it is that you are a hostage to fortune on the day because it is a one-off event and for most people it is the first time you are arranging it all and therefore naieve when it comes to potential problems.

The surroundings for my reception were lovely, but (very expensive, supposedly top notch hotel in Suffolk) decided (without consultation) to restrict us to one room area, when we had been told it would be two, reducing the space we had available by about 40%. (Fortunately it was boiling hot so we could spill out on to lawns, but still.) They also changed the serving/food arrangements.

We were not happy but we were too busy and caught up in the day to complain at the time, then we were away on honeymoon, and then I was moving countries. And I guess I was younger and less savvy than I am now and I suppose overall it wasn't quite bad enough to make me want to spoil the memory of it by making a fuss.

They have you over a barrel basically!

diddl · 13/11/2013 22:38

Well they might wish to fund it, but you don't have to let them!

You can arrange it yourselves & just invite them!

Slimchance · 13/11/2013 22:40

Your cousin's wedding sounds lovely Onefewernow

Onesleeptillwembley · 13/11/2013 22:40

It's perfectly possible to have a wedding without chair covers.

lighthousesea · 13/11/2013 22:42

80% of the weddings I have been to were boring and unoriginal (and expensive). Agree with the other posters that the best weddings are the cheaper but more thoughtful weddings.

It's one day! And yes it's lovely, but it's definitely not worth the money. I would much prefer a slightly bigger house or a few amazing holidays.

DownstairsMixUp · 13/11/2013 22:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

lighthousesea · 13/11/2013 22:42

Ps. Really do not bother with the chair covers!

Original poster

KissMyStardust · 13/11/2013 22:43

thankfully not too late to back out and have a total rethink though, fannyfireworks .

I always just wanted this to be about us getting married with the people we love...not a big showy do.

OP posts:

Iaintdunnuffink · 13/11/2013 23:02

No one remembers the chair covers at a wedding they went to. People are far more likely to remember a free bar.

The nicest weddings I've been to have been in places like a church hall with a hog roast, booking out a restaurant, or going to a pub.

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