AIBU to say "no" to this request from DS?

[akaWisey]

Briefly - DS is 31, lives on quite generous benefits as he has MH problems but he's ok.

Regularly he runs out of money. He borrows from mates, they borrow from him etc. Sometimes he borrows from me. However, the last two occasions recently (and in the past) he has borrowed and not paid me back, despite reminders. I work, I can, within limits, afford to lend him money. However his rent etc is paid for him whilst I have a mortgage etc and support my DD at college. He owes me £70 from the last two times. I've had a text asking for a further £120 to pay for something for his car.

I feel like saying no, I'm cross that he hasn't paid me back for the last loans but this pushes his debt up to almost £200 when I'm thinking ahead to Christmas etc and I have ongoing housing costs due to repairs….

If I say no. AIBU?

Not at all, if you keep bailing him out he'll never learn.

Of course you should say no.
Tell him you can't. Offer to help him figure out how to manage his finances better.

And say you won't lend him any more until he's paid off what he already owes.

YANBU - unless there is a genuine financial emergency, you are not doing him any favours by helping him out all the time

Part of the reason i am so cross that it's for his car is because my DF bought my DS a perfectly good car a year ago, the best one he's ever owned and he sold it recently for a bigger car which so far has cost him money because it isn't as good but it was what he wanted.

It's for a key fob. Fuck knows why it should cost that much.

Well then don't lend it to him.

But tbh I am not going to comment on his decision making because it may be related to his mental health.

No pag it's nothing to do with his mental health, trust me. It's his decision making, which is very of the moment.

His MH is stable, he hasn't been unwell for a very long time. He doesn't have BiPolar. It isn't a mental health issue, if it was I'd probably go to his CPN.

My brother is like this OP. Say no. My Mum has JUST learned to say no to him and she's 67! He's almost 50. He began coming to me...I struggle with two DC and a low income and he has NO shame. Just refuse. He'll stop counting you in his budget which he's obviously doing.

As an aside, the cost he's quoting for a key fob sounds entirely pausible: I had to be revived when we enquired for a spare for our Renault.

Well that's it, I think Jitney. When I was married there was a joint income and he'd borrow from my then DH. Now I'm on my own he comes to me. He does pay me back sometimes but I don't want him to be in this position when he's 50!

It doesn't entirely surprise me either Two, but I'm torn between feeling pissed at him for trading in a really good (smaller) car for a fuck-off big tank and feeling, what? Sorry for him in a way I suppose.

Key fobs are ridonkulously expensive, but our car has a spare normal key. He could use his spare or get a replacement normal one which won't cost nearly as much. So no, I wouldn't lend him the money.

I wouldn't lend him it OP, while he knows you will always bail him out where's his incentive to budget and try to save?

Can you fix the car as a combined Xmas and birthday gift?

Thank you all. I've sorted it. I will do half (he can't get another key cut because the fob controls the mobiliser apparently) for his birthday which is coming up. He finds the other half AND pays me back the money he owes me from before then he's quits.

And he's agreed to let me help him draw up a budget as I"ve said that's it, bank of DM is closed after this.