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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed at friend coming over with a cold??

32 replies

Xfirefly · 07/11/2013 11:50

would you go to a person's house who had a baby knowing you were unwell and could potentially pass it on?
my dd is 9 weeks old, she suffered a cold at 2 weeks old which luckily wasn't too bad.
OH friend, who does my head in at the best of times, asked to pop in to lend a DVD. He comes in has a cuddle with dd and then tells us (moans rather) that he's got a cold. my oh immediately calls him a twat for coming over but he just laughs!?
Anyway, dd has been up all night now with blocked sinuses and a very chesty cough. she's not her usual smiley self bless her she's very irritated.
OH just said leave it lie but I want to tell this friend he's made her ill

am I right to be annoyed?

OP posts:

KellyElly · 07/11/2013 11:55

I wouldn't with a young baby no. With an older child I wouldn't think anything of it.

OhMyBridget · 07/11/2013 11:56

is this your first?

WhatTheFoxSays · 07/11/2013 11:57

Not with a young baby, no.

Tee2072 · 07/11/2013 11:58

A cold takes a week to 10 days to develop. Your baby did not get the cold from this person in a matter of hours.

It's winter. Germs are everywhere.

pregnantpause · 07/11/2013 12:05

I'm on the fence. I remember feeling the way you do when dd was a baby- but after a while you realise that there's no avoiding it. If she is showing symptoms now your friend didn't give her his cold. She already had it. If you try to avoid her getting ill at all costs then the next three years is going to be hard for you.

She will be ill. She will likely catch one cold after another and by the time she's three it'll feel like she has had more colds than dirty nappies. She will then stop the continuous illness for a few months- only to start school and it all starts again.

Oh, and mother and baby groups? There's always one snotty kid who rubs their nose with their hand and strokes your baby with it.

YDdraigGoch · 07/11/2013 12:08

you can't isolate the baby from cold germs - do you take her shopping, to restaurants, baby groups, doctor's surgery???

You sound a bit precious IMO. And one of the other posters is correct, you don't develop a cold within a few hours of being exposed to someone who has one.

eggsandwich · 07/11/2013 12:10

When my dd was nearly 4 weeks old my MIL came over, I was in the kitchen putting the kettle on went into the lounge and she was standing in the corner, she then said I won't get to close as I've got a cold. Now her cold was not just the snivels it was a really heavy cold, I was furious and said you've brought your germs into a house with a new baby! guess what happened next? a week later my dh was in hospital with pneumonia, my dd got brochitis and I got had a cold and a temperture of 40.1, so my dh was in one hospital and me and dd was in another hospital and my family had to come from 200 miles away to look after my 2.5 son who has special need. I cannot believe how thick some people are.

KhunZhoop · 07/11/2013 12:11

She already had the cold. Unless you keep her hermetically sealed in a bubble for the next few years, she's going to get colds.

Fakebook · 07/11/2013 12:14

YABU. Unless your baby has other problems like asthma or another serious immune disorder.

You can buy these little suction pipe things that you stick up the nose and suck up with your mouth. It clears the nose nicely.

LadyBeagleEyes · 07/11/2013 12:16

I'd advise you never to take her out in public ever again.
What will you do if you get a cold BTW?

thebody · 07/11/2013 12:20

well I wouldn't visit anyone socially with a heavy cold unless I warned them first as it's bloody annoying and rude.

work is unavoidable but socialising isn't.

however your baby had the cold allready as the time scales are far to close.

BatPenguin · 07/11/2013 12:20

I don't think yabu. No you can't keep the baby locked up at home in a bubble, she is going to be exposed to germs in public etc but that doesn't make it ok for someone with a cold to come into your home and spread their germs. I would never go to someone's house and hold their young baby when I'm ill, that's selfish.

Hope she's better soon.

littlemslazybones · 07/11/2013 12:20

YANBU to think that someone with a cold would wait a few days to collect a DVD to minimise the risk of a newborn catching that cold. I'd goes as far to agree that person is a twat.

Pachacuti · 07/11/2013 12:21

Incubation period for a cold is a week or so. Feel free to call up your friend and accuse him of time-travelling shenanigans, though.

(But I wouldn't go to visit a young baby if I had a cold, no.)

notnowbernard · 07/11/2013 12:32

This wouldn't have irritated me, no

As others have said, germs are everywhere

Theodorous · 07/11/2013 12:37

I think the poster who asked if it was the ops first summed it up

AndYouCanDance · 07/11/2013 12:40

Yanbu. It is selfish.

Original poster

Xfirefly · 07/11/2013 12:44

thank you for the replys everyone.
This is my first yes and I know I must sound like them overprotective mothers. I know she can pick up a cold from anywhere, that's how she got her first one from being in the drs or the shop. my point was the fact he come over knowing he was quite ill and she's still small.

I should have stated in the first post that he came over 5 days ago. she hasn't been out since.

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 07/11/2013 12:46

He wasn't 'quite ill'. He had a cold.

bonkersLFDT20 · 07/11/2013 12:47

I know exactly how you feel. I remember being quite horrified when my friend brought her snivelling 2 year old with her to visit my newborn.

However, once my child go a bit older I realised I was just being precious and actually very many 2 year old have runny noses and the like.

I think your feeling are normal. You're being very protective of your new baby - that's your job, but you can't expect others to know how you're feeling.

TheIggorcist · 07/11/2013 12:48

Silly to choose to cuddle the baby if you have a cold though. There is minimal contact between dh and me if one of us is sick! Life with a small baby can be hard enough without changing it to a small, sick baby.
I always warn friends if I'm meeting them and I am sick, then it's up to them what to do. And I certainly keep my distance more if I think I have germs to spread.

lottieandmia · 07/11/2013 12:54

No, I never go to meet people if I'm ill at all, particularly if they have a baby because a baby with a cold = sleepless nights for everyone!

I have noticed that people seems to have differing attitudes about this though. Some people seem to think it's fine to go to someone's house ill as long as you don't have a sickness bug.

BeaWheesht · 07/11/2013 12:57

But you didn't know he had the cold until he told you? So not very ill? Also does your dh often call people twats?

Pachacuti · 07/11/2013 12:58

Yes, if he was there 5 days ago you are probably justified in feeling a bit hacked off. But there'll be a lot of things in your career as a parent that make you feel a bit hacked off and you really do need to let most of them go.

Original poster

Xfirefly · 07/11/2013 13:16

bea the first thing he did when he come in the door was cuddle dd as he does adore her, so I didn't notice he had a cold straight away.
oh and friend have the type of relationship where they can tell each other what they think and swear at each other...so no he doesn't call everyone twats

OP posts:

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