To not want to be called fat in the office

[lizardqueenie]

This is more of a "what the hell do I do now"

Just had an embarrassing moment earlier when a lady in the team asked me if I was pregnant- she didn't mean it in a horrible way- I am overweight, I am loosing weight & doing something about it. Later on told a friend about it at work- he said he had made a comment before to someone who he thought was pregnant but she wasn't so we chatted a bit about it & laughed, about how awkward it is etc. Then a guy in the office who is frankly a twat in all other respects ( rude, shirks work) started joining in- I felt he might ask if I was pregnant given what we were discussing so I said before u ask I am not pregnant. And he like the twat that he is piped up "oh I didn't think you were, I just thought you were fat".

Sat here with tears pricking my eyes & other stunned colleagues around me. What the hell do I say now?? The did you mean to be so rude comment slipped my mind!

Oh that's horrible!

You can always lose weight (if you want to) but he will always be a twat

for you

What a twat he is. So sorry you were embarrassed like that. I think your moment on this one has passed but keep a line in stock for next time.

"I am doing something about it but you'll be a dickhead forever! Such a shame!"

X-post madasa. Great minds think alike!

What idiots. Ignore them

Thanks guys. It's honestly the absolutely mortifying shame that I feel. You know when you can hear everyone take a sharp intake of breath?!

What an idiot. He has no respect for people, you should never say something like that. At least he confirmed for other people the type of person he is. Did he even try to apologize or anything?

No he probably just chuckled to himself! He thinks he's very funny. I think if I spoke at that point a sob would have come out. I was overweight before but my husband had part of his pancreas & spleen removed in August as he was thought to have pancreatic cancer. We are very lucky it turned out to be benign but to say I dealt with eat by eating is an understatement so I have gained a bit.

You are overweight, you said so yourself and fucking hell you really had a reason to comfort eat - I would have done the same I think. But you don't deserve to be called fat like that. Just rest assured that even after you have lost all of the excess weight he will still be a tactless prick - I WISH you had told the group of people inc him what you just said here and shown him up.

Remember though that their sharp intake of breath would have been for his idiotic comment rather than some revelation of truth

Good luck with your weightloss and am pleased to hear that your husbands scare was just that. what an awful thing to have had to deal with

I would think the sharp intake of breath wasn't about being fat. It will have been about him being so nasty to someone that everybody likes and respects (ie, you).

Face it, we've all been fat at times. It's not a moral issue. Nobody is all that embarrassed by it.

What's embarrassing is seeing someone acting unkindly.

I'm overweight at the moment too. I've not been well. I'll be OK again by next summer. If I get round to it. And people will forget I was ever fat, or they will be quite impressed that I dealt with it.

I'm very sorry you're upset and the issues you've been having, but I really wouldn't take this to heart. I don't think you really gave him too much option but to say or at least infer you we're overweight. By preempting him and saying "I'm not pregnant" his response is either to say, no I didn't think you were, or, oh right, I had thought you were.

I think any response to your statement would have had the inference you are overweight. Of course, he could have been far more tactful, but I wouldn't dwell on it at all. He was responding directly to a statement, he probably wouldn't have given your weight a second thought unless you'd said that to him.

Just remember:

'When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.'

Ignore this arsehole - he knows nothing about the journey you are on. Only you know that.
So glad your OH got a clean diagnosis.
It must have been hell to cope with at the time.

How rude and horrible he sounds. Try not to let it get to you it is hard.

My DH did this came back from work horror struck as had asked his new colleague when her baby was due and she wasn't pregnant. He was mortified, to be fair he was new to the office and 2 of the other women were just off on maternity leave he thought she was one of them. Luckily they have got past it and are now firm friends but he has never and will never comment again on anyones pregnancy status...

Oh, op. That sounds horrible, I'm sorry.

I have a story about a friend of mine (M) who said something similarly awful but did so completely unawares and was mortified.

He was chatting to his eventual-wife-to-be (not that either of them knew it at the time) and a shy, quiet friend of hers. He asks the friend their name. Friend states name. M says 'Isn't that a girl's name?'........

You can guess how it ends :(

It could be worse op, is what I'm trying to say. Your colleagues will think he is a twat and that you have the patience of a saint.

I would have simply had to stare in complete disbelief at him before asking him if he meant to be so incredibly rude?

Horrible specimen with stunted social skills.

I would take every opportunity from now on to get my own back but I am a vengeful cow.

If he comes in smelling of aftershave etc could you make a scene about how disgusting it smells? Point out his bald spot? Laugh at his clothes?

Your probably a reasonable, decent human being who wouldn't dream of doing any of the above and lowering yourself but im not

He sounds like a complete idiot!

To be honest, I don't understand why we have this assumption that we have to act like we don't care/brush off rude comments. I know it would be embarrassing to cry at work, but if somebody says something deliberately rude like that in a social situation, I would make it very obvious that it did upset you, and it wasn't 'just a joke.' If a nicer colleague asks if you're okay later, I would recommend being honest and saying something like 'Actually no, I'm quite upset. I know x will say he was just joking, but I thought it was really rude, harsh and unnecessary.' I'm assuming most of them will agree with you, and then next time he makes a horrible comment to whoever, it will hopefully give them the courage to stand up to them.

We all need to challenge these twats, everytime, so they won't think they've got away with their stupid comments!

Also, is there anyway you can think of the first lady's comments as a suggestion that you are not that overweight? I'm honestly not bullshitting to make you feel better, but personally if someone was very big, I would never ask if they were pregnant, as it would be obvious that they were just heavy all over. tbh I would never come out and ask if someone was pregnant anyway, as I think it's rude, and they would surely tell you if they wanted to BUT if I was going to, I would only ask a person who was near to their normal size, but had a little bit of a belly (and who doesn't, particularly in certain tops!), or had just a little bit of extra weight. That probably doesn't make any sense at all, sorry!

Oh god - why oh why are people so fucking stupid that they have to ask in the first place if someone is pregnant or when they are 'expecting'.

There was a similar thread on here yesterday and i didnt reply to it as i was on my phone and it takes ages to type. I will share this with you.

Im 26 years old. Have yo yo dieted from the age of 15. The only area i put weight on is my face and stomach. Over the years i ve been asked ALOT if im pregnant.

There was a time around 5 years ago when 3 women at work was overheard saying awful things about my weight ( i was a size 14) and how i looked 6 months pregnant etc.

A colleague overheard these women and repeated to me what was said, i cant remember the exact words but it was awful, and the bloke who repeated it to me said it was awful to listen to but i had a right to know.

I confronted the main one who said it and a row erupted and we were dragged into the office by our manager.

The manager was appalled with what was said, and the woman was told if anything like that was said again, then she would go down the disciplinary route.

Those comments from her stay with me even now.

A year after the incident, i was working in another work place. When i had been working there around 8 months, a very skinny, health conscious size 6 member of staff took me to one side and started to advise me on healthy eating! She also mentioned that i was spoiling myself with my weight and if i lost the weight i would easily get myself a boyfriend!

I was stood there open mouthed for half an hour whilst she made me feel like shit. She also mentioned that when i first started the company, she was convinced i was pregnant!

I ve been a size 10.12,14,16 and now im a 18, but currently doing something about it.

Honestly op, people are fucking idiots and don't realise what they are saying.

You have my sympathy.