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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's sick twisted and wrong

27 replies

noNicknameAnymore · 20/10/2013 12:23

Litle bit of background
Friend left her ex one DC
To cut long story short
She was staying in bed unable to walk due to pain
So her ex was taking care of their child
When she was bit better. Her neighbours ask her haw was her holidays
ex told her neighbours that she left their child and went on holiday while she was ill

IMO it's absolutely sick cold calculated

My friend still cannot not believe in all things he did to her

OP posts:
DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 20/10/2013 12:26

Err, don't understand what you mean, can you explain the issue again?

AmberLeaf · 20/10/2013 12:30

She was ill but he told her neighbours she had gone on holiday? did he say she had left as in abandoned her child or just that she was away and he was looking after her?

DoJo · 20/10/2013 12:31

So her ex told people she was on holiday when she was actually ill? It doesn't sound like the end of the world - I wouldn't want people knowing the details of my medical problems but it sounds as though this goes a bit deeper. I'm not really sure what you are hoping for from this post but as an isolated incident this doesn't sound too bad to me.

PedlarsSpanner · 20/10/2013 12:32

Did the child stay with the ex, or did the ex stay at your friend's house?

Not important really, more worrying is that the ex has been telling lies, what a fantasist!

I hope she can call on friends, or family, if ever she becomes ill again

Libertine73 · 20/10/2013 12:33
Hmm
Isildur · 20/10/2013 12:34

Well I wouldn't want anyone giving neighbours details of my private life.

Saying she was away/on holiday seems perfectly reasonable, and stops just short of telling them to mind their own business.

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 20/10/2013 12:35

Maybe he didn't want to be dishing her medical problems out to all and sundry, or the child was there and he didn't want him/her to worry.

BoneyBackJefferson · 20/10/2013 12:44

Is it his place to discuss her medical problems with the neighbours?

ilovesooty · 20/10/2013 13:12

Perhaps he had his reasons.

You're hardly unbiased and why is it your business anyway?

TidyDancer · 20/10/2013 13:18

Did he say that so that no one would help her?

Otherwise I think he was right not to discuss her medical issues with them.

Original poster
noNicknameAnymore · 20/10/2013 14:18

My friend lived separately with her ex

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 20/10/2013 14:21

how do you live separately with someone?

I'm either missing something or yabu

Original poster
noNicknameAnymore · 20/10/2013 14:23

From my perspective he had reasons
he even gain some goals
he wanted to picture her as bad as it is possible

OP posts:
HildaOgden · 20/10/2013 14:23

Are you the friend?

It certainly doesn't sound that bad to me...maybe he thought her illness was none of the neighbours business?If he had told them,that might have pissed her off too.

Don't see why this is a big problem at all,certainly not enough for you to get riled about (if you are indeed the friend,and not the woman herself)

AgentZigzag · 20/10/2013 14:27

Not sure whether that sounds a bit sinister or not, it's what people say when they've done away with someone and accounting for where they are.

He didn't have to go through a run down of her medical history to say 'she's ill and I'm looking after X', why make out she wasn't there when she could have been seen by the neighbours and his lie shown up.

What did the friend say to her neighbours when they asked?

'why is it your business anyway?'

Because it's her friend? Confused

Onebuddhaisnotenough · 20/10/2013 14:28

I understand what you are saying and I'm not quite sure why your replies have been quite so obtuse.

He wants to paint her in a bad light. Tell her to ignore him. Men like this get a kick out of getting a reaction. Ignore and rise above it..

Passmethecrisps · 20/10/2013 14:29

Is this related to aspects of her health? By that I mean is he trying to sew seeds of doubt about her health this get her into trouble?

Maybe you need to cut the story less short

ilovesooty · 20/10/2013 14:29

Even if it's her friend she sounds way too invested in the situation to me.

mayorquimby · 20/10/2013 14:31

Sounds perfectly reasonable and considerate to me

IvanaCake · 20/10/2013 14:31

Not understanding why this is a problem, sorry. Yes it was a twatty thing to do but it doesn't actually matter what the neighbours think, does it?

AgentZigzag · 20/10/2013 14:37

Depends what he's done to her sooty, sounds like he's playing the long game and this is just adding to the atmosphere the OPs friend has to live in.

It's OK to be outraged on a friends behalf.

If he had generally good intentions towards her then it'd be different, but he hasn't, so you'd have to wonder what's behind it.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 20/10/2013 14:40

What?! So he's painting her in a bad light to other people?

My abusive ex used to do that. Tell others lies about me so that they wouldn't like me and to make him look good.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 20/10/2013 14:42

So you friend lives with her ex still, and the ex apparently told the neighbours that she had abandoned their child to go on holiday when if fact she was ill in bed.

BUT
unless the neighbours are a few planks short they would realise that the child could not be abandoned when living in their own home with their father - surely? I must be missing something... cant see why your mate would care - I would much rather my health issues weren't the subject of neighbourly gossip anyway!

ConfusedandDazed24 · 20/10/2013 14:50

If he was saying she left her DC alone whilst she was on holiday then yes I'd agree that's massively shitty, but if it's just that he said DC was staying with him whilst she was on holiday it's not the end of the world.

soontobemumofthree · 20/10/2013 15:02

I am not sure that going on holiday and leaving your child with their father would be such a bad thing.

I think "sick twisted and wrong" is a bit ott for a friends pov, unless I am missing something. He lied to the neighbours. If it was my ex and I thought he was trying to turn people against me - I might wonder about it - but it isn't that bad - but it's an easy lie to correct - if you feel the neighbours would judge you/be offended for taking a holiday?!?

If you really are her friend I would assume he did it to protect her medical privacy. What does your friend think? Does he "play games" like this all the time, if it is part of a bigger picture your reaction may make more sense to me!