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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be offended by this birthday card?

33 replies

Doubtfuldaphne · 20/10/2013 11:04

I've always been a bit overweight, size 14. Always get weight comments from IL's usually 'ooh you're looking slimmer' or after ds was born 'how's it going with your weight' and also 'I've HEARD you're losing a lot of weight! (Standing in right in front of me)
Maybe I'm being a bit over sensitive as I've been bullied all my childhood for being a chubster
But today I get a card with a picture of women eating cake and a caption ' we'll diet tomorrow'
Is this another dig or is it funny?

OP posts:
xCupidStuntx · 20/10/2013 11:07

Oh I'd be raging to be honest!!

Nancy66 · 20/10/2013 11:08

I think it's just somebody buying a card without thinking about it long and hard.

There's loads of 'sod the diet' type birthday cards out there. And if you're somebody that talks about their weight a lot or talks about staring diets then the sender probably thought it was appropriate.

Don't take it as a dig, size 14 is NOT big - and happy birthday !

FeckOffCupofBatBlood · 20/10/2013 11:08

I think it's quite funny and I'm fatter than you, it depends who it was from and what they wrote inside too though.

flipchart · 20/10/2013 11:09

I think you are overtaking it
Diets and cakes are usually an in joke between women ( well they are where I live!)

Piaffle · 20/10/2013 11:09

Well surely you know if the person who sent it is the type to make a dig.

Do you talk about your weight? If so then they probably assumed you'd be fine about it.

FetchezLaVache · 20/10/2013 11:09

I think it's rude and insensitive, personally.

And happy birthday, by the way!

Weeantwee · 20/10/2013 11:12

I agree with nancy. The person hasn't thought that through at all. I'd be gutted about it and it would promptly go through the paper shredder and thenI'd focus on all the other lovely cards and gifts that I'm sure you have :)
Happy Birthday!

Hooleywhipper · 20/10/2013 11:12

Please don't over think it, I am sure it was purchased & sent without offence. I'm a size 14, little overweight maybe but defo not fat. Have a very happy birthday OP.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 20/10/2013 11:13

Thank you everyone. I never talk about my weight it's not the sort of thing I dwell on but they do talk about it a lot more.
I don't know what to think its not the first time this person has offended me so I don't know if it was on purpose or not

OP posts:
RevelsRoulette · 20/10/2013 11:13

Something can be funny or rude depending on the backstory.

Since comments about your weight are often made, then I can understand that you feel it is barbed.

If nobody made comments about your weight and you didn't feel criticised, then it would just be a funny card. But since you say that they always make comments about your weight and generally act like it is an issue, then I can see why you feel that the card may simply be an extension of that.

But it may not be and since there's no way of knowing, it would be best to file it under joke and not let it upset you.

saulaboutme · 20/10/2013 11:14

Yanbu I think it's insensitive, unless they have no idea how you feel about your weight.

YouTheCat · 20/10/2013 11:15

As you are sensitive about it (size 14 really isn't big though) then it's rude and thoughtless.

I'm a 18/20 and it wouldn't bother me though it'd be a bit pointless as I never diet.

treaclesoda · 20/10/2013 11:21

if you never talk about it, its perfectly possible that they just don't realise that you're sensitive about it. And size 14 is not big enough to register with most people as a size that you might be sensitive about.

But having said all that, I hate those type of jokes anyway, so I'm kind of in the yanbu camp!

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 20/10/2013 11:22

I agree those type of jokes just aren't funny whether I'm sensitive about it or not. Personally I wouldn't choose a card that could be taken two ways in the first place - why risk it!

OP posts:
saulaboutme · 20/10/2013 11:27

So they've offended you before? Then bin the card, don't thank them for it, move on and don't let it spoil your birthday.

Happy birthday by the way.

Lazysuzanne · 20/10/2013 11:35

When it's their birthday be sure to send a card which makes a joke at their expense Wink

sneezecakesmum · 20/10/2013 11:43

YANBU how insensitive!

I'm not overweight but short.....DH used to say 'I've been putting manure in her boots but it doesn't work!

Do what I did and have a VERY sharp word!

themonsteratemyspacebar · 20/10/2013 11:45

From what you have said about your IL's i would take it as a dig tbh. But thats only because they have form with making comments about your weight. Its a horrible thing to do and you aren't even big so i don't understand why they would do this.

Happy Birthday by the way!
Just pass it off as their stupidity and insecurities as its them with the problem, because you certainly don't have one!

InMySpareTime · 20/10/2013 11:46

For DS's 4th birthday, someone got him a card that said:
"On your birthday, you'll wish you were an egg-
If you're not getting smashed you'll be getting laid!"
It was from a child whose parents didn't have great English skills, so I hope it was an innocent mistake, but otherwise it was fairly offensive.

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 20/10/2013 13:01

Oh dear that's a bit inappropriate!

OP posts:
BackforGood · 20/10/2013 13:07

I'm with Nancy and Flipchart - a lot of birthday cards have that "go on, treat yourself, it's your birthday" type message, I wouldn't see it as offensive.

Gruntfuttock · 20/10/2013 13:09

That's vile InMySpareTime. I wouldn't call it fairly offensive. For a 4 year old that's completely unacceptable. I would have had a word with the parents and explained why they should never send such a card to a child or they'll be sending them to other children.

HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel · 20/10/2013 13:15

Was it sent by a bloke ? We do office birthday cards and one of my male colleagues once wrote in one that had a picture of a cake "better not have a piece of that cake !". He had no idea how that might be received by the not very skinny female recipient until i said "i can't believe you've written that ".

Original poster
Doubtfuldaphne · 20/10/2013 13:24

That's so bad! Mine could be forgiven if it was a man as they don't seem to pick up on what's appropriate in my expeience

OP posts:
BrokenSunglasses · 20/10/2013 13:24

It wouldn't occur to me to be offended about that card. I think the fact that you are offended is partly about the card, but more about your own sensitivities.

I agree that's its a 'treat yourself - its your Birthday' type message that is quite common and is not intended to be mean.

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