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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dislike people who are Always Right.

53 replies

ConfusedPixie · 30/09/2013 09:54

It's minor I know, but it grates on my nerves. My Dad is one of these people, starts huge arguments over nothing and if you dare to have a differing opinions he's all "woe is me, I'm always wrong. Don't listen to me, I'm wrong."

My landlady is like it too (I'm a lodger). And it's never something big, it's something petty and ridiculous. Like yesterday she posted an interesting video on facebook. It was an experiment as to peoples reactions to a gay couple getting flak from a waitress based in Texas. At the end it referenced the same experiment done in New York. Whilst chatting about it I said "And that guy! The one who actually high fived the bloody waitress!"
She stopped and said "No, that was in New York." I shrugged it off and just said, "Oh, I thought that it was the Texas clip in the diner, oh well." and tried to leave it at that, but then she kept on and on about how actually, it was in New York not the Texas clip and so on.

I have seen the video again since then and it was the guy in Texas. Not that it matters, it's a moot point, it's a ridiculous thing to use to 'prove' that you're right about. It's always things like this, with both my Dad and my landlady.

The best from my Dad recently was him having a massive go at me because I won't go self employed (I'm a nanny, have called HMRC three times in the past month alone about this and have been told all three times that no, I cannot become self employed!) and him saying "I'm self employed, my employer pays my tax, then I pay my tax too and I get a massive tax rebate every year in the thousands!" I gave up at that point and told him that yes, of course that's how it works.

Why do people have to be Always Right ffs? Why is it so hard for them to say "Actually, I'm mistaken about that."

AIBU?

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/09/2013 10:15

YANBU but all you can do is save your breath. I find the phrase 'you know best' (delivered with a raised eyebrow) is a nicely passive-aggressive way to end a conversation with people like this. They know you're not buying it but there's damn all they can do. :)

AngelsLieToKeepControl · 30/09/2013 10:22

Yanbu at all. My brother is like this, to the point he says he just happened to be talking to a proffessional about the very thing he is arguing about just days before.

These things include me putting my make up on wrong, he was talking to a beautician about eyeshadow a few days ago, him going on a first aid course and now being more qualified than a paramedic, despite me having been on the same course, apparently he discussed it with the tutor and the tutor said that my course wasn't as advanced as his, even the fact I prefer McDonalds to Burger King, he said he had been talking to a marketing manager who said they did a survey and it had been proved that BK was better than McDs so I was wrong in my preference. The list goes on and on, I have now perfected the smile and nod

fiatpandababba · 30/09/2013 10:22

Very annoying - I get this too and always over stuff that doesn't matter. That restaurant you talked about is in x street not y street like you said. The person had no plans to go to the restaurant anyway. I said oh ok thinking that's the end of it then a giant conversation unfolds about the streets and a helpful google map emailed to me later. Hint! I don't care!!!!!!

intheduskwiththelightbehindher · 30/09/2013 10:36

Both my dcs are like this. Nightmare.

DeWe · 30/09/2013 10:37

There's different ways of "always being right".
Df does it. He likes a good debate and is very good at arguing. So if you change to agree with him, he's quite capable of switching sides too and doing just as persuasive an arguement for the other side. Can be quite funny sometimes.

Bil does it too. But in his case he always knows everything and it's always right. If it's proved wrong then he's got an excuse why it's someone elses fault it's wrong. Everyone is obviously envying his things-the fact they have actively chosen different is obviously a mistake..
My dm used to say a poem. I can't remember much of it, but it started
"I know a little girl, she isn't very nice
Because everything I say I've done she's always done it twice..." and that sums it up really.

tolittletoolate · 30/09/2013 10:41

My husband is very clever and well read etc, he knows everything about everything and we call him google most of the time. Occasionally he gets on my bloody nerves though. Especially when you are having a conversation about something and because he knows a lot about it he just talks over everyone.

Original poster

ConfusedPixie · 30/09/2013 11:25

Angels, that's madness! I thought my experiences were bad enough but your brother sounds insane!

tolittle Ah, but in your case, you have reason to believe that he is actually correct!

OP posts:

vladthedisorganised · 30/09/2013 11:34

Oh god, DH is always right.
The irritating thing is that he gets confused between 'there is only one way to do things, and this is the correct way' with 'there are many different ways to approach this, all of which work'.

He wouldn't start a huge argument if challenged and doesn't force things that are clearly wrong on me like the OP's dad, but if I do anything I'm almost waiting for the 'wouldn't it be better if...'?

The annoying sod dear lad thinks he's being helpful, but it doesn't half get on my nerves.

Example: I decide to mop the kitchen floor and move to get a mop out of the cupboard.
DH - "Wouldn't it be better if you swept the floor first?"
Me - (clenched teeth) "I was going to sweep the floor first, I prefer to have the mop ready for when I've finished sweeping the floor."
DH - "Wouldn't it make more sense if you swept the floor, put the broom away and then got the mop out? That's what I'd do.."
Me - "Good for you..." (silently screams WHO THE HELL CARES???)

In all other ways he's very nice..

JohFlow · 30/09/2013 11:39

Few words for the situation - narcissism, control freak, abusive, smart arse,interfering, insecurity. Feel free to discuss

MistressDeeCee · 30/09/2013 12:19

My OH is like this. Always right. Sometimes we'll be debating/disputing something and then agree to disagree. But he always finds a way to bring it back into the convo later on, just to get his point across. Which doesnt work as I already know he's going to do it so Im just very offhand about it in a 'its been done & discussed already' kind of way. Lovely in other ways tho. Dont think Id like it much at all if the 'Im always right' was a big deal, AngelsLieToKeepControl your brother making a point about how to put on eyeshadow made me smile, he's got a lot of time on his hands methinks..yes, the smile and nod is best (and secretly you know best, anyway)

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 30/09/2013 12:31

ARGH, this is my MIL. I've just had to silently fume whilst smiling and nodding because she Will Not Believe that there is anything out of the ordinary with ds2 who is currently undergoing assessment for autism and dyspraxia. It's painfully obvious to anyone who spends 5 seconds with ds that he's not like other 7 year olds but because she used to teach reception and yr1, MIL is obviously more qualified than the fucking paediatrician, school nurse and SENCO who have thus far all agreed that he is somewhere on the spectrum.

Sorry, that turned into a bit of a rant. She's only just left so the rage is fresh in my mind just now!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 30/09/2013 13:33

I have a solution for that one, vlad. - anyone who offers advice has volunteered to do the job.

Hand him the mop and say knock yourself out, pal.

As for the brother who's just spoken to someone who knows - imagine the fun you could have - oh, fab, who was that? where were you when you spoke to them? how well do you know them? how did you happen to get onto that subject? ...

Beastofburden · 30/09/2013 13:35

I work with a lot of academic and indeed have married one. After 25 years I can tell you that the more expert someone is in a field, the less likely they are to claim that they are always right.

Angel's brother seems to need an awful lot of validation, doesn't he? Almost as if he doesn't trust his own judgement, ahem.

NotDead · 30/09/2013 13:37

well you are wrong about your tax.. and its new york, not texas.

edam · 30/09/2013 13:40

YY agree with Hecsy, anyone who knows better than you how to mop the floor or load the dishwasher or sort the washing should be encouraged to demonstrate...

That includes the brother who knows how to put on eyeshadow.

CailinDana · 30/09/2013 13:48

Hec is right vlad, you're totally missing a trick there. No one dares comment on anything I do because that's a surefire way to get me to dump the task on delegate the task to them.

urtwistingmymelonman · 30/09/2013 13:50

lol at the talking to an expert brother.
there was a thread on here a few weeks ago where slowly throughout the thread the poster drip fed rubbish about how much research and expert opinions she'd gathered on a particular subject just to prove her point when a mass of people disagreed with her.
it was so obvious she was talking out of her arse!

Fecklessdizzy · 30/09/2013 13:58

Oh God, this is me and my entire family. We are awful, and to make it worse in my saner moments I can see it but then the red mist descends ....

vladthedisorganised · 30/09/2013 14:20

Hee hee - I must admit I told DH I never do anything around the house if he's around, precisely because he clearly knows all the "best" ways to do every single thing.

In my more irritable moments I have invited him to comment on the effectiveness or otherwise of peeing sitting down.

LoopThePoop · 30/09/2013 14:24

MIL. Always right. About everything. I gave up arguing. I just it there now and think to myself 'shut up you twat' and smile sweetly.

She even Tried to persuade me my own birth certificate must be wrong.
(I'm a version of a full name, still a name in itself not a NN) She told me it couldn't be right. Ok then.

Shodan · 30/09/2013 14:30

DH is like this and frankly, it's very wearing.

He used to try and back up his argument with "Well everybody I know says/does the same as me." which of course would prompt me to say "What, everybody? Your boss? The man in the corner shop? You've asked them about that, have you?" or "No, not everybody you know. I, for one, don't."

But I still have to resort to Google to prove that I'm right. Either that or a)argue 'til I'm blue in the face or b) say "whatever." Both of which leave me feeling like a truculent teenager...

WiddleAndPuke · 30/09/2013 14:41

I suspect I'm a bit like this but only if I know without a doubt I'm right.

Example: the word "mischievous". My friend insists it's pronounced "miss-chee-vee-uss".

I say no, it isn't because there's no second "i". She says no but the second "i" is silent. We've actually had quite heated debates over it. I can't let it go but nor can she. And she's got no excuse for not letting it go BECAUSE SHE'S WRONG DAMMIT!

WiddleAndPuke · 30/09/2013 14:43

I mean how can the second "i" be silent?? There isn't a second "i" and anyway you're ADDING a letter!!

Thumbwitch · 30/09/2013 15:02

I have a tendency to be like this. I try to control it but I do get the arse when I come up against other people like this who are clearly wrong yet insist they are still right. (I am actually right most of the time, but not all of it).

My brother was painfully like Angel's brother - and would keep on and on and on and on and ON until you just caved and said "yes, ok, you're right and all the other people/experts are wrong"

My mum was hellbent on proving I was wrong, otoh. Even when I was right. For e.g. - I worked in a hospital lab, on the blood side. I knew a fair bit about blood (still do). But my MUM still knew more about it all than I did because she had been "told by a consultant when she was pg with X" and therefore her knowledge superseded mine.

I had a good one at work once - discussion of the word "priapic". The other person knew the word but insisted it was priapRic, because she "knew someone who had it". It's not, it's priapic. I smiled and nodded, checked for my own sanity in the dictionary and never mentioned it again.

DH is another one who likes to be right all the time, but he knows he is like this and sometimes makes a joke of it. He doesn't try to make out I'm wrong though; just that he is ALSO right, even when our statements are completely opposite to each other. INteresting bit of mental gymnastics he can do there!

DSs don't stand a chance...

SelectAUserName · 30/09/2013 15:14

My Dad is like this. He drives me to distraction, especially as he is another who has the ability to blame someone else on the 'rare' occasions he is proved wrong.

His 'finest moment' was - on the basis of no legal knowledge or training whatsoever - arguing with me till he was black in the face that people who work in driving jobs who get caught drink-driving hardly ever get banned because they can plead losing their livelihood as a defence and can argue they are a special case. I work in the Criminal Justice System and have been in court and seen people banned with my own eyes ...but I'm still wrong and he's still right.

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