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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be hiding from next door's children

43 replies

EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/09/2013 15:50

They are in our house again. They have been here since about 1pm. They have been over every day after school this week, and the same thing happened last Sunday too.

I am hiding upstairs in the bedroom "marking books" as I have now had enough.

I have two boys, aged 8 and 7, next door's boys are aged 7 and 5. The two 7 year olds are in the same class at school and get on very well. The 5 year old shouts a lot and cries if they don't let him get his own way. My 8 year old is fed up as he is trying to play Minecraft in peace.

They wait for us to get home from school every day and knock on the door almost as soon as we walk in. This is usually my husband's problem rather than mine as he does pickup, I'm still at work.

I did chuck them all into the garden when they first came round, and then took the younger three to the park for an hour to play football, feel I've done my bit now.

How do I politely say "go home now you are driving me crazy"?

OP posts:
FeckOffCup · 22/09/2013 15:54

Send them all to the neighbours house saying you have housework to do without 4 kids underfoot, let the neighbours put up with yours for a change.

hermioneweasley · 22/09/2013 15:55

YABVU to be hiding in your own house. Just tell the neighbour's kids it's time to go home, and when they knock tomorrow tell them it's not convenient and close the door.

Easy.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/09/2013 15:56

Just say, "Time for you to go home now. Goodbye." Don't even contemplate the possibility of refusal.

tripecity · 22/09/2013 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/09/2013 15:57

I've done it - I just snapped and said "time to go home now, you've been here ages and I'm trying to do my work"

My smaller one has gone with them. They do go over there occasionally, but my 8 year old doesn't go as he enjoys the peace when they're not here.

It's lovely and quiet now.

Best get on with those books.

OP posts:
Original poster
EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/09/2013 15:57

I think I'm too nice.

OP posts:
DragonsAreReal · 22/09/2013 15:58

You don't even have to let them in in the first place!

Just say its time to go home now an hold the door open.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/09/2013 15:58

Tell them you are busy and they have to go home.

Don't be a pushover and stand firm.

Go on, it's easy Wink

hermioneweasley · 22/09/2013 15:58

Too nice.....or a total mug

Vintageclock · 22/09/2013 16:07

YANBU

DuckToWater · 22/09/2013 16:11

Suggest they all play at the neighbours' house.

This is one of the reasons I went back to work - can't stand the after school period! Now I get to miss it altogether, hurrah!

AaDB · 22/09/2013 16:15

If my ds played in a friend every night after school, I'd have them over at the weekend. Every day after school and each weekend day is a bit to much. I wouldn't like every other day tbh. Clearly the parents aren't bothered and you will have to be proactive.

Of they wait for your DG and DC to come home, he should say 'not tonight'. If you are happy then say they can come in for x and then must go home.

Original poster
EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/09/2013 16:20

I think it might be because I do work that I resent having our family time invaded to quite such an extent.

We didn't have a problem over the summer holidays because when we weren't on holiday they were. But since school started it's been almost every day after school, plus weekends. Like Duck I'm not usually in. My husband is starting to get irritated though and that's not like him at all.

My younger son enjoys having his friend over, he has said "why does little brother have to come too, he's annoying". I'm inclined to agree, but I think it would be mean to leave him out.

My older son is getting rapidly fed up though, he's 8 going on 40, and finds the three of them together very irritating. That's why I took them out earlier, as my boy wanted to help his dad clean the car and it would have been impossible with four of them.

OP posts:
DuckToWater · 22/09/2013 16:42

Perhaps you could speak to the parents and formalise the arrangements a bit more? Our children and neighbours children often play in one others' houses and gardens but I think both sets of parents have a similar tolerance of when it's all a bit "too much".

As they don't see each other all week now I don't mind a few hours of being in and out of the house and neighbour's house at the weekend, but not all day.

Original poster
EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/09/2013 17:01

Yes Duck - I'm wondering if we could have a "you can play Mon, Wed, Fri but we get Tue and Thu off" sort of arrangement.

OP posts:
AaDB · 22/09/2013 18:26

Sounds good, I thinks it's a good idea to talk to the parents.

I also think they should offer to have your ds over and have one night when it's just the two 7 yos.

You sound lovely and much more welcoming than I am. I love people coming over but hate a pop in.

Hunfriend · 22/09/2013 18:50

No visitors on a school night unless arranged ie playdate.
They have to call on a Saturday to see if you are free, NO visitors on a Sunday .Its a faaaaaamily day Wink

LumpySpacePrincessOhMyGlob · 22/09/2013 18:57

We get this with the little girl next door only its always our house never theirs. She goes to her dads at the weekends so at least we get them free. To be fair she is a super kid, but it`s all the bloody time.

Original poster
EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/09/2013 19:03

Mine never ever pop over there. Younger one has been primed to say "could we go to your house now?" but it's about 80:20 at the moment.

He came back after half an hour this afternoon, when they'd been over here for four hours.

It sounds like I'm keeping score now. Perhaps I am.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 22/09/2013 19:04

OP i used to be awful at letting neighbours kids walk all over me and my house and the contents of my fridge just because i was awkward about how to sort it. Then i got a job in a primary school ..... :)

You need to develop your big jolly no nonsense voice Grin

Maintaining Big Grin Grin @ the kids on the door step - ''Hello there! No - not today, bye bye for now''. Close door gently.

Never give a reason - little kids will find a way round it. Never say 'maybe tomorrow', they wont take the hint.

... and when you do want to let them in, again with the big jolly voice - ''Just for an hour today, then it's home time''.

... home time: ''Right!'' Grin ''everyone to go home now, it's been lovely having you to play but off we go''. Bustle bustle bustle. It works.

Children IMO prefer adults to be kind and firm and then everyone knows where they stand.

Original poster
EndoplasmicReticulum · 22/09/2013 19:07

fluffy - oh I can do the teacher voice. And I don't feed them, if they're hungry they can go home.

Husband also declined to wipe smaller one's bum the other day when he popped in and immediately went for a poo.

I need to say no more often. As does husband.

OP posts:
claudedebussy · 22/09/2013 19:07

i would never send my kids somewhere without checking first. i find this extraordinary. their sahp is having an awfully easy time of it.

fluffyraggies · 22/09/2013 19:12

Then teacher voice needs to come out at home OP Grin

It's lovely to feel you can have an open door policy to your kids friends all the time, but if they haven't the social skills, or their parents are happy to dump them on you then you have to put your -teacher-- foot down.

Some people just do not do fair shares when it comes to play dates so you have to man the doors sadly.

Misspixietrix · 22/09/2013 19:21

YNBU I had a similar problem with some of DC's friens who live further up the road. It got to everytime they saw us walking home they would run straight here to play with DCs. I have no problem with DCs friends coming over to play just occasionally not every fucking day! time they see/hear our Gate open. OP I ended up having a word with their Mum in the end as even when I told them I was busy it just fell on deaf ears and one cheeky sod staged a sit in protest in my Garden! Grin

Misspixietrix · 22/09/2013 19:23

*friends. Oops!

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