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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for the child benefit to be split?

58 replies

marieclare168 · 16/09/2013 22:02

Please be gentle with me as this is my first post.

My husband was married previously and has 2 teenagers. He has joint residency and therefore receives child benefit for one of them (their mother gets CB for the other - this arrangement was put in place when they split 8+ years ago).

We now also have 2yo DS together and I have my own CB claim for him. My payments for DS are at the 2nd child rate. DH receives payments at 1st child rate for stepson.

It just occurred to me that this seems unfair and that we really should be pooling the total we both receive from CB and splitting it 50/50 between the 2 children.

Husband cannot see my point of view at all and says it's never going to happen. He says I would be taking money off stepson if we split the funds as his award is for his specific child and my award is separate. My thought is, if my claim were genuinely separate I would be receiving the full amount for our DS but clearly the CB treat us as a household and theoretically assume the 1st/2nd/subsequent amounts are pooled in any household and shared for the benefit of the children.

OP posts:

gordyslovesheep · 16/09/2013 22:04

honestly - I think it's a massive fuss to make over a few quid - and it makes you seem a bit negative towards his son - sorry

DameDeepRedBetty · 16/09/2013 22:04

I do see your point. Would anyone who works in the bit of the civil service that processes these awards care to explain how it works?

Hegsy · 16/09/2013 22:04

How do you split other household finances does your DH give his son the CB or does it go to living costs etc?

Debs75 · 16/09/2013 22:09

So you are arguing about £3.50 per week. Is that really worth arguing about?

littlemisssarcastic · 16/09/2013 22:10

I wouldn't be making a stand over an extra £3.45 a week.
Does this go deeper OP?

bearleftmonkeyright · 16/09/2013 22:11

This is a big can of wriggly worms to open. Why would you? This is the way it is, fair or unfair. I think yabu.

hermioneweasley · 16/09/2013 22:11

Do you give the CB to the kids? If not, isn't it all just in the household pot?

(dreads now unlocking a can of worms about controlling/abusive/arseholey financial arrangements)

mehimandthegirls · 16/09/2013 22:11

Yep I see your point. They are both DH kids so the money should be pooled. Why would his DSS lose out on money? does Dh give it to him directly?

Our CB gets swallowed up with bills ect....

maddymoo25 · 16/09/2013 22:12

I m confused to as why its split anyway, are all your finances split ? X

littlemisssarcastic · 16/09/2013 22:13

Also, if you are pooling your finances in the first place, this shouldn't be an issue. Perhaps you should be more concerned with why you are so bothered by this in the first place?

What extra could your child get with another £3.45 a week that he doesn't currently receive?

Unexpected · 16/09/2013 22:14

What rate does his ex-partner get for their other child, given that they have two children together, surely she only gets second child rate for the child who lives with her? I'm also not sure what you mean about pooling the total and splitting it - do you have completely separate financial arrangements? Surely the money just goes into a central pot and is spent as needed on stuff for both children or for the family in general?

AmyFlower · 16/09/2013 22:14

That depends...were you the OW?

Debs75 · 16/09/2013 22:14

So he has joint residency? Does that mean he has one of his kids live with you or he has both live with you some of the time?

gobbynorthernbird · 16/09/2013 22:16

Pool your finances or keep them separate, it's up to you. But as mentioned, a few quid a week isn't worth arguing about under normal circumstances.

maddymoo25 · 16/09/2013 22:16

I don't understand so does that mean the teen children get 20 each cb to diff houses x

gobbynorthernbird · 16/09/2013 22:17

What has being the OW got to do with anything?

gobbynorthernbird · 16/09/2013 22:19

And, to be fair, the difference in CB should be split 3 ways with his ex. Then everybody gets the same.

AmyFlower · 16/09/2013 22:22

If you were the OW then you should be ashamed of yourself.

Moxiegirl · 16/09/2013 22:22

I get chb for 2 children, dp for 3! It all goes into the same account and gets spent on household outgoings. It wouldn't occur to me to quibble.

gobbynorthernbird · 16/09/2013 22:24

Oh do be quiet, Amy.

Fairy1303 · 16/09/2013 22:25

Absolutely ridiculous and irrelevant to be asking OP whether she was the OW - a a step mum I actually find that assumption quite offensive tbh.

Agree that I don't think you should quibble a few quid. I get 2nd child rate fr DS and DH gets the £20 for DSD, it's never crossed my mind that it should be an issue, since it all gets pooled anyway.

WilsonFrickett · 16/09/2013 22:25

I do get what you mean - if you had two DCs of your own, you wouldn't say 'DC1 gets this and dc2 gets that' you'd just pool the two amounts and just sort of absorb them in to household life.

For example If you were well enough off to be able to save the cb, I can't see that you'd save less for dc2 just because they were the second one, you'd split the difference and save the same amount for each child.

But I really can't say if YABU because it depends so much on how your household works.

BrokenSunglasses · 16/09/2013 22:26

YABU.

What are you planning on doing with the extra few pounds each month anyway?

AmyFlower · 16/09/2013 22:26

IneedAyoniNickname · 16/09/2013 22:28

Confused about what being the ow (or not as the case may be) has to do with it?!

I'm also curious about how they calculate it. He gets higher rate for 1st child, what about his ex? Does she get 2nd child rate, or 1st as she only claims for 1 child?

The cb I receive for 2 dc pays the bills.so they benefit equally.

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