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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want what my friend has!

36 replies

areaGL51 · 09/09/2013 11:57

I know this is unreasonable, but I'm so jealous of my friend and the way her life is. This isn't bitchy because I really, really like her, but I wish it was me!

Where to start. Well, she's liked by everyone and I mean everyone. You couldn't dislike someone like her. She's very funny - really good at telling witty stories and is great company. She's probably the most intelligent of all my friends and very cultured. She's well travelled, well read, well educated well everything really!

She has a lovely, lovely creative job which she does around the school hours. Her DH earns a packet in a very trendy, well-respected, interesting job.

They have one DD who is practically a mini-genius and is absolutely beautiful. Top of the class in everything and is very popular. Even the parents like her as she's so polite and sensible. Good influence on our DCs and all that.

Her house is gorgeous. Not just spotlessly clean, but shining! Everything is lovely. Lots of quality furniture and intellelectual things! I know this is silly, but I can't describe in depths in case I give it a way. Even her garden is beautiful - think magazine photoshoot standard.

Her DH is also very attractive. All the women we know think so!

She's beautiful. Lovely natural hair, skin etc and an jealous rage-inducing figure. She always, always looks really well dressed. On the school run, she looks like I would after hours of getting ready, and you know it's only taken her a few minutes.

She always seems to have loads of time for nice things in life and is so relaxed. If you pop over, she's always very welcoming and there's always some posh coffee on the go and something baking in the oven. They know a few famous people because of their work, and they're often popping over in the daytime too. It just makes me jealous!

I want her life!

OP posts:
dingit · 09/09/2013 11:59

Sounds just like me Wink

MrsDavidBowie · 09/09/2013 12:00

She probably has piles.

Writerwannabe83 · 09/09/2013 12:01

I want her life too!! Grin

In a perfect world we'd all be saying, "Be grateful for what you have, the grass isn't always greener....blah...blah.." But the reality is that we all look at other people and sometimes think, "I wish I could be like her..."

It's just part of life and jealousy is just a human and natural emotion.

It is just a case of keeping your perspective and being jealous of her in a nice way, if that makes sense. You don't say anything nasty or bitchy in your post so I don't think there is any malice or anything to your jealousy, it is just natural daydreaming about how we wish our life could be.

Nothing wrong with that in my eyes Smile

PaulSmenis · 09/09/2013 12:02

It's only natural to feel a bit Envy areaGL51 of people like your friend.

A lot of us have a friend like that who seems to have it all. I went through a stage of feeling like you do, but then I realised that I must be pretty awesome if someone like that wants to be friends with me. Smile

feelinlucky · 09/09/2013 12:03

Mrsdavidbowie, that made me nearly wet myself laughing. I do have very poor pelvic floor though :)

MrsMangoBiscuit · 09/09/2013 12:05

And I bet there's a whole myriad of things that she stresses about, beneath the surface, and that she worries all the time that she's screwing her kid up! Grin

If it's just a passing observation of yours, then I'd just be grateful that you have such a nice friend. If it's actually getting you down, figure out one thing that you're going to improve in your life, and work on it. Someone on here (no idea who, sorry for stealing your quote if you're reading this!) once said, in situations like this, their mantra is "Bless them, change me." I like that.

frogslegs35 · 09/09/2013 12:07

Her shit still stinks though - don't forget that ;)

MrsMangoBiscuit · 09/09/2013 12:07

Ooh, rather a zen post from me there.

Must mean it's time for more coffee!

FingersCrossedLegsNot · 09/09/2013 12:09

God I don't even know her and I'm jealous of her now Wink

KoalaFace · 09/09/2013 12:10

Ah she sounds great. Like a nice, fun friend to have. And she does sound like she's got a lovely life.

But think about what you've got. And people all over the world who see your lifestyle as something perfect, to be envied. See you as having it all. People who may not have your health. Or family. Or home. Or a spare £1 to spend on a packet of biscuits. I bet you have loads to be content with.

pianodoodle · 09/09/2013 12:14

If areaGL51 is a clue to your location can I come over to your friend's with you?!

I could do with some posh coffee :)

monkeybuts · 09/09/2013 12:14

I think its so easy to look at others lives and think how amazing it is in comparison. I think there is a very small amount of people whose lives are exactly how you see them..

I had a friend like this once..I loved her to bits but I once caught myself crying rather pathetically over how jealous I was...two months later it turned out her husband had been sleeping with the secretary for three years and she had known all along, was desperately depressed having to keep the world thinking her life was perfect. ..actually it was just a big mess. It certainly taught me a lesson. I still feel awful for her now and that was yonks ago.

mrspaddy · 09/09/2013 12:19

Ah, it is natural to compare..maybe use it to your own advantage.. Gradually get into a routine at home and with beauty care so you feel at your best everyday.. I you want to for yourself, that is.

She does sound lovely.. Bit I bet there are a million people who want what you have.. Maybe they don't have children, or are hungry or lonely.. We never know what goes on in others people's lives.

sparkle12mar08 · 09/09/2013 12:23

It's natural to look, to campare, to sometimes envy people. But you know what? My life is my responsibility - it's up to me to make myself happy. And there's a lot to be said for being happy and grateful for what you have. It doesn't, and shouldn't, stop us from trying to better ourselves, to improve our lot, but eating yourself up with jealousy will send you round the bend and makes one exceptionally unattractive to others.

Thepowerof3 · 09/09/2013 12:49

How did you meet each other?

FaddyPeony · 09/09/2013 12:59

This woman might be hiding huge personal problems in her life sometimes it can be almost a comfort to think so but equally she might not. Some people do have beautiful, blessed lives, and that's just the way of it! The fact that you say how nice she is suggests that this woman is aware of her good fortune and has a good outlook to life.

1 lovely school-aged DD means that probably she has plenty of time for herself these days: her work, her hobbies, her grooming. Don't forget that! People with more children have less time.

It's normal to envy others, as long as you can laugh at yourself a bit when you catch yourself doing so. :)

NigelMolesworth · 09/09/2013 13:04

Yes as monkeybuts says, nobody really has the 'perfect' life. I realised this the other day as I was in a meeting with two colleagues.

We were sat at a table in Carluccio's with the laptop out talking about a project - three well dressed intelligent women with nice clothes living the dream etc etc (OK two well dressed women and me!).

But I know that of the three of us:

  • one lost her husband when he died suddenly and is really struggling to come to terms with it
  • one was badly treated by a former partner and now her business is struggling
  • one has come back to work and is really struggling with confidence

So things are never quite as they seem.

Although, having said that, I do have a friend like yours OP and I am slightly jealous of her life too...!

Original poster
areaGL51 · 09/09/2013 18:11

Ah, yes I know what you're all saying - nobody's perfect, I know. I've known my friend for many years (from pre-DC) as we live near to each other and I did some work for her a few years ago. Our DC are now at school together and we get together socially a lot.

I suppose I'm also jealous of the relationship she has with her DH. They're always very tactile with each other, walk hand in hand, arms around each other on the sofa etc. She only ever speaks very fondly about him and, as far as I can glean from my DH, he's exactly the same about her. Even though they've been together since university, they seem to really enjoy each other's company and don't seem over-familiar with each other. I try to be like that with my DH, but we soon slip into the old routine.

I know I shouldn't be jealous and compare my family unfavourably to hers (I love my DC completely and utterly, of course) but I can't suppress a slight twinge when my DD came home today to say that my friend's DD just past Grade 7 flute at the age of 11, or something like that!

Anyway, yes I should count my blessings, I know. :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
areaGL51 · 09/09/2013 18:14

Oh, and I know a few members of her family and they are, of course, brilliant, intellectual, interesting, caring, good-looking, successful people - aaaaagh! I met one of her brothers recently, who was completely charming and really seemed to enjoy his sister's company. It's all just so comfortable, confident and intellectual. My family talk about the latest buy in Wilkos as though that's important news! :-D

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 09/09/2013 18:29

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. Their lives might not be as perfect as you think.

Crinkle77 · 09/09/2013 18:31

Another thing-the ones that usually talk about intellectual things all the time normally aren't that intellectual.

everlong · 09/09/2013 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claraschu · 09/09/2013 18:33

I'm jealous of you, having such a nice, interesting friend

MollyBerry · 09/09/2013 18:35

It may all be a screen. I know that I, from the outside, have what could be seen as a very enviable life but it's not all ok on the inside. I've suffered from anxiety for many years and had a eating disorder yet people don't know this as I've always kept up a front which I wouldn't let slip.

defineme · 09/09/2013 18:45

I think the joy of having my Mum friends that I made when kids were babies is that no matter how different their lives are from mine( yes yes to famous friends/holiday homes/spotless houses) we have always bonded over the inevitable highs and lows of parenting that comes whatever your life is like. Kids waking up/throwing up in the night, friendship isssues, fussy eating etc etc.

I was struck by a story Mel Gibson once told (before madness/racism woes) of the horror of being in a cafe with a child with an exploding nappy. Or photos of Brad Pitt at a souless looking soft play place in a shopping mall. Money makes little difference to these things.

Now the kids are older we bond over kids starting big school/aged parents. It's the same fear whether your child is starting local school/private prep/special school/whatever.