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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Car seats and gp

43 replies

nothingbyhalves · 06/09/2013 18:12

Aibu to expect gp who do regular childcare to use the car seats I provided? Today my dad left car seats in his car which was going into garage as he couldn't be bothered to transfer them over to courtesy car. Dc were with him and he just drove them home with seat belts on. Car will be in garage till Wednesday and he has dc on Monday.

OP posts:

WoTmania · 06/09/2013 18:18

YANBU , car seats aren't a matter of opinion, you aren't being precious, they are there for safety.

LIZS · 06/09/2013 18:21

If the dc are young/small enough to need seats and he chooses not to use them he is breaking the Law and as driver liable for prosecution. yanbu

AgentZigzag · 06/09/2013 18:23

I've had similar, and straight after I'd said something, twice. I thought they understood after the first time.

I had to be really firm bordering on rude to get my point across because they just wouldn't listen.

They didn't talk to me for a while afterwards, but the thought of something happening to DD2 is worth the hassle.

I try and avoid them taking her out, but if that's not possible for you then you'll have to give them an ultimatum, even if that makes it awkward childcare wise.

Original poster

nothingbyhalves · 06/09/2013 18:27

Tried to point out legality of issue which was met with deaf ears and then I was told to be quiet so I ended up having a huge row with my dad over his failure to listen to me rows are uncommon in my family so all very upsetting .

OP posts:

Sirzy · 06/09/2013 18:32

How old are the children?

YANBU though, it is just worse the younger they are.

I assume you are not going to leave them with him on monday? (easier said than done I know, but I don't see you have a choice unless you put your seats into his car)

AgentZigzag · 06/09/2013 18:32

He told you to be quiet??

Fuck the legal side of it, if you've said he has to use the proper car seats then he'll have to do what you say.

Could it be that he doesn't like the reverse role thing of having to do as he's told?

There is no other option but for him to back down, does he think he can browbeat you into being OK with it?

Original poster

nothingbyhalves · 06/09/2013 18:35

Dc are 3 ( twins) I'll go to garage and pick up the car seats tomorrow and put them in df car. I hate being reliant on gp for childcare, but we simply couldn't afford the extra 2 days a week in crèche ( extra £550 a month) also dc do adore them!

OP posts:

Chusband · 06/09/2013 18:39

Can your mum talk some sense into him? Got any mates in the police who can have a quiet word?

AgentZigzag · 06/09/2013 18:39

Does he have other boundary problems with your DC?

GP (IMO) have to make a clear distinction between looking after the GC on their own and when the parents are there (without parenting the parent as well).

It is possible, but they can sometimes overstep the mark thinking they have more authority than they actually have.

sameoldIggi · 06/09/2013 19:13

I'm sure there are videos on the internet that would explain what could happen to such small children in an accident wearing only adult seatbelts.
Too many gps still remember when you didn't have to wear belts at all, held babies on your lap etc. They need to move on from this.

Nanny0gg · 06/09/2013 19:21

As a GP I would never take my DGC in the car without seats (I have my own so we don't swap very often), but the legislation unfortunately says:

Unexpected journeys
If the correct child seat isn?t available, a child over 3 years of age can use an adult seat belt if the journey is all of the following:

unexpected
necessary
over a short distance
You can?t take children under 3 in a vehicle without a seat belt or the correct child car seat (except a taxi or minicab).

So your dad might say it was one of the above.

You can still insist, but it may make your argument harder to win with him.

gordyslovesheep · 06/09/2013 19:23

it's THE LAW - he is being very very unreasonable

HorryIsUpduffed · 06/09/2013 19:39

But Nannyogg your link says "all", not one. The journey isn't unexpected and he isn't a taxi, so the rest is irrelevant.

OP, yanbu.

facedontfit · 06/09/2013 19:46

I'm - 3 years old!!

kangarooshoes · 06/09/2013 20:15

Both my parents think I'm crackers about car seats, and I have had rows with my mum about it. (And sacked an au pair over it). I would go ballistic over this, and he wouldn't be looking after them until he agreed to keep to my rules on safety.

My dad can at least understand the theory behind my son's seat. He just thinks he's such a good driver, he won't crash, so what's the point in the faff?

TallulahBetty · 06/09/2013 20:17

YANBU. Car seats are not optional, legally or morally.

ShadowSummer · 06/09/2013 20:21

YANBU.

It's a safety issue, and he's breaking the law by not using the car seats.

The legislation wording Nanny0gg has posted is interesting, but I think irrelevant in this particular situation, as it's unlikely that the OP's father using a courtesy car while his own car is in the garage is so unexpected that he wouldn't have been able to switch the seats over.

Nanny0gg · 07/09/2013 00:14

He might argue necessary.

I'm not for one second saying he's right. It's just that if he's done it, he's going to look for every possible (or not) justification.

I wouldn't let him drive them anywhere, ever.

gallicgirl · 07/09/2013 00:21

I had a courtesy car recently and the company were brilliant at facilitating the swap over of car seat. I even stored my seat in their office for the day and they dropped me off at work.

Your DF action was totally unnecessary imo especially as he had the seats right there!

DoJo · 07/09/2013 00:23

Could you approach it a dilemma with him - that you love how close he is with his grandchildren and you really appreciate the childcare, but you absolutely cannot compromise on their safety and so you're having to seriously consider giving up work in order to resolve the issue. If he realised how seriously you took it, do you think he would take you more seriously? Otherwise you are never going to feel comfortable leaving your kids with him so do you have any other options?

Shelby2010 · 07/09/2013 00:32

Does he actually know how to fit the seats correctly? Could it be he wasn't sure & couldn't face attempting it in the garage while trying to keep control of the DC? Not that it's an excuse, but may explain why he was so defensive about it?

VisualiseAHorse · 07/09/2013 00:42

There should be a leaflet of some kind in your GPs surgery you could give him.

It is a legal issue, not just a safety one.

swallowedAfly · 07/09/2013 00:49

yanbu BUT some people on here are talking as if they were your paid employees. they're not. they're doing you a favour and as you yourself said saving you a fortune so i would want to handle it more diplomatically than most on here are proposing.

i would say please, i would say why, i would say you may think i'm being precious but, etc. these are not your servants but people who are spending two days a week, every week, looking after your children and saving you over a hundred pound a week in doing so.

yes assert yourself, yes put your children's safety first but i'd temper the advice you've been given on here with some good manners and diplomacy.

MumofWombat · 07/09/2013 01:22

Before adult seat belts became law, my Dad had a go in a contraption at a family fun day at Police HQ that simulated an emergency stop. Previously he had never worn a seat belt. He wore one home that day and has ever since. Because of this I know I have no worries with my parents about child car seats, in fact they are already looking into options for when we visit them (we are in Australia, they are in the UK) for next year for my two DCs. My inlaws 'get' car seats for babies but I know they have taken my (older than my DCs) nephews in their car without booster seats. They dismissed my concern when I gently said something but when it concerns my kids I would be more forceful. But then I will never have to rely on them for childcare as they are 3 hours away!
So for your situation, your Dad probably knows he was wrong, could you talk to your Mum, perhaps show her some literature or you tube video and leave it with her to talk your Dad round so that he doesn't have to 'lose face' with you his daughter? If this isn't an option, you may have to reconsider childcare options.

AgentZigzag · 07/09/2013 01:32

The OP doesn't need any other authority backing her up, her word is THE LAW (Dredd style).

Quoting laws, finding leaflets and videos just looks like she feels in a weak position, that she needs more than her own view and opinion as a parent to make him put them in.

By telling her to STFU, he's saying he has more right to a say than she does! That he can decide for her DC and he's overruling her.

The GPs choosing to spend time with their GC Swallowed, doesn't mean they can say what they like. So long as the OP's not coerced them into doing it, same boundaries as though they weren't looking after them (ie OP's the parent, GP not the GC's parents).

And the Dad was pretty lacking himself on good manners and diplomacy.

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