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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it should be ok to do things alone

47 replies

homebakedflapjack · 29/08/2013 16:05

I went on holiday alone for 10 days. I couldn't afford anything fancy so only went to Wales but thought it would be nice to get some change of scenery. I obviously wanted to do what most people do on holiday.

I went on a boat tour but when I booked the tickets the woman said "ONE?" in an incredulous tone and I felt so lonely as everyone else exclaimed over the islands and birds and sea.

I ate in a restaurant once but it was such a miserable experience - the lady behind the counter kept saying "it's a table for one you want? you are dining alone?" in a polite but surprised tone. I ended up with takeaways the rest of the holiday.

I just sat on the beach mostly but I did notice I was the only person alone - it made me feel a bit of a freak. I am now wondering if people who are single just don't go on holidays or days out?

OP posts:

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 29/08/2013 16:07

Well it IS difficult alone...which is why many people try to go with a friend or relative. If you have none, you could try to look for singles holidays which aren't geared towards romance? There are some....

IKnewHouseworkWasDangerous · 29/08/2013 16:10

I am married but I enjoy some time alone. I would love to go to a restaurant or the cinema etc alone but I just cant face the look of pity on other peoples faces.

Jan49 · 29/08/2013 16:11

I love going away on my own. I only get to go for an occasional weekend as I'm a single parent, but I'd be happy to go for longer. However, I confess I wouldn't eat out alone for dinner as I feel a bit uncomfortable. I just buy something to eat in a supermarket and eat it where I'm staying.

I think a lot of people who are single arrange to go with someone else. It's nice to have someone to be with for some of the time (such as mealtimes). But if you mainly enjoy being away on your own, then it's worth it.

Original poster

homebakedflapjack · 29/08/2013 16:12

IKnew yes that was how I felt. Don't fancy a singles holiday - it was nice just to do things I wanted to do, ok ideally I'd have done them with a partner or friend but since I couldn't, well.

Cinema's usually OK though cause its dark. My brother goes to the cinema a lot on his own.

OP posts:

Hiphopopotamus · 29/08/2013 16:16

I think sometimes you see what you want or expect to see. I love doing things alone, and frequently take myself out for dinner, or go to the theatre alone. The only times I've been aware of other peoples pity is when I've been feeling a little self conscious myself. I don't think the pity is even really there, but if I feel it, I see it. To be honest, I don't think other people even notice or care who is with who in restaurants or trips. If you are confident to do it, just do it!

(actually there was one time I did look a little out of place - I accidentally once booked myself a single ticket to go see a west end musical on valentines night. I just didn't click the date. I think I genuinely was the only solo person there, surrounded by a sea of couples buying roses and champagne for each other! Haha but I just shrugged my shoulders and enjoyed the musical - what else can you do?)

Grumpywino · 29/08/2013 16:17

I'm single and love it, I'll never do all that marriage lark. I love nights out/day trips/weekends away/holidays whether with friends or on my own. I prefer to keep dates to meals/evenings in, and save my money and time for my alone time or with friends. I treasure my freedom and independence and always feel a burst of pride when I go away on my own....and no one to spoil it for me!!! I can't say I have been treated badly but then I don't go looking for peoples reaction, meh, I don't give a f**k. I pity the arguing couples and families, they look miserable.

ILoveDolly · 29/08/2013 16:18

Cinema on your own is great. My mum, now single, nearly plunged herself into a severe depression going on a holiday alone. Take a friend!

nothingbyhalves · 29/08/2013 16:21

I went to Italy alone about 10 years ago. I had a fab time, but stayed in youth hostels, so did do things with people I met along the way, usually in the evenings.

Beeyump · 29/08/2013 16:21

I just cannot understand the problem some people have with going to the cinema alone - it's hardly a sociable experience, is it?? Alone in the dark, just you and the story...aahh, bliss. People can stuff their pity

A holiday alone is a bit different, but could still be fun I think.

Beeyump · 29/08/2013 16:22

Reeeally fancying an afternoon cinema trip now.

liquidstate · 29/08/2013 16:23

I have been on holiday alone! I just take a book into restaurants so am not sitting there looking lost.

But then I can be a bit of a loner...

EstelleGetty · 29/08/2013 16:24

It is a pain when you attract looks of curiosity pity for dining or going to the cinema alone!

I had never been to a restaurant on my own until last year. I went to California for work on my tod. I wandered into a Mexican restaurant and ordered a burrito. The waiter seemed pretty surprised I just wanted a table for one, but he was very nice and said if I got lonely just to give him a holler! I figured I might never get to visit that part of the world again, and didn't want to sit in my hotel (motel) room with a carry out. I actually really enjoyed some aspects of being there alone - I could spend ages wandering around all the vintage shops and not having to worry about dragging any unwilling persons with me.

Optimist1 · 29/08/2013 16:27

When eating in a restaurant alone I find it's useful to take a newspaper (for reading or crossword) or my Kindle to read. Room service is always such a non-event.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 29/08/2013 16:30

I love the idea of going on holiday on my own. I don't have a problem with doing things or eating out alone anyway, though.

I suspect a city holiday might be easier than a small-town or country one, too. I reckon in cities restaurant staff etc are generally more used to people being alone than in small places, and don't raise an eyebrow.

Somethingyesterday · 29/08/2013 16:33

It would never occur to me to look with pity on someone dining or holidaying alone - and I don't believe I'm exceptional in this.

Like most people I've experienced living alone and living as part of a couple / family. Both have their pros and cons. But I can tell you honestly nothing in life as a singleton could ever be as bad as the sheer heartbreaking misery of being half of an unhappy couple.

Since I've been on Mnet I'm far more acutely aware that the grass is not always greener. Most people are far too busy with their own lives to worry about why you are eating alone. If they do notice you - they're probably envious.

Glitterandglue · 29/08/2013 16:40

I was at the cinema alone the other night. I actually prefer going alone because I can go as early as I like (I hate the idea of being late but other people don't seem to mind it so I get anxious waiting for them) and I can just watch in peace. If I go with other people I always have comments that I want to pass on but then I don't want to disturb anyone else; if I'm alone I know there's no one to whisper to so it doesn't bother me as the temptation is removed, IYSWIM. You can always then discuss the film with other people who've seen it at a later date.

I'm going on holiday (to Wales, in fact) on my own in about a week and I am soooo looking forward to it. Nobody else's schedule or wants to fit in...bliss. But then I don't notice people outright staring at me half the time (which they do, I have been reliably informed by everyone else that ever goes out with me, due to my hair/piercings/clothing) so I'll be unlikely to notice any looks of pity. If someone exclaims at me in surprise then that's their problem, not mine. I'm doing what I want to do and their opinion is not important.

In general people will think you're weird for doing certain things alone (particularly eating, for some reason) but they can go hang.

meganorks · 29/08/2013 16:43

People travel alone, but then usually stay places where you expect to find other lone travellers - ie hostels. Did you think of staying somewhere like that? You don't have to share a room if you don't want to as most have seperate rooms and a lot of them are really nice.

If you were away during the school holidays I can see why some people might find that odd though. If you are on your own without kids why would you go at the busiest and most expensive time?

bananananacoconuts · 29/08/2013 16:44

Use it to your advantage. I was once locked out and Dh (now ex) was at work for the next 5 hours out of town. I went out to dinner by myself and had the pitying looks. When i explained i was locked out, I got my food for free! Was only a carvery but hey it was free!

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 29/08/2013 16:47

I work away from home for short bursts, and love going to the theatre or restaurants on my own. I usually take my Kindle to the restaurant and read as I eat. Bliss!

GrendelsMum · 29/08/2013 16:48

I was gazing in envy at the woman who was on her own at the place DH and I were at on holiday - she just seemed to be having the most terrific time, reading the papers over dinner, sunbathing, having a glass of wine, whatever she wanted. In fact, she looked so happy that I really wanted to go and talk to her, to see if it would rub off onto me.

Ifancyashandy · 29/08/2013 16:49

I've just come back from 2 weeks in Egypt on my own. Bloody marvellous. Beach, book, beer. I took a book to dinner the first night but to be honest, I was too busy people watching to read it!

Been to the Indian Ocean on my own too. Way I figure is, yes I'd rather go with a mate but if its a choice of going alone or NOT going, then I'll go.

And, as a friend once said, many of the people looking at you wish they were you.

Ifancyashandy · 29/08/2013 16:49

See! Cross post with Grendles!

ResNullius · 29/08/2013 16:57

Regularly stay away for work, alone.

Often holiday alone. From choice.
Total freedom. Love it.

Also a regular at a couple of my local restaurants, when I can't be bothered to cook, and if friends aren't free.
Usually take a book with me, but very happy to dine alone.

Its a confidence thing. The more you do OP, the better it gets

wowfudge · 29/08/2013 17:01

I've been away on my own a few times. Some holidays have been better than others and sometimes you meet other people and get chatting and others you don't. I have never gone with any expectation. The one thing I wouldn't do is take a book to dinner: it creates a barrier; so unless you want to be left alone, leave the book in your room.

ResNullius · 29/08/2013 17:01

People travel alone, but then usually stay places where you expect to find other lone travellers - ie hostels

Actually choked on when I read this meganorks. Don't make me laugh like that
I wouldn't be found dead in a hostel.
Upgrade don't downgrade OP....you lose the idiot maitre 'd who says "a table for one????" and gain smilingly perfect attention.

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