More was he being unreasonable

[Ilovemyself]

Had to call an ambulance for my wife at 4.30 this morning. The first responder was very good and called her by her name.

The paramedic crewed ambulance that turned up to take her hospital were nice enough but one of the paramedics kept calling her mate.

I have no problem with it and tbh, she was in so much pain he could have called her anything and she wouldn't have cared. I do wonder though if some people would feel this wasn't professional.

Was he being unreasonable?

Yanbu but how is your wife now? Hou?

I suppose it depends on your area but it's a term of endearment around here.

Like in some areas 'duck' or 'love' is considered friendly.

Hope your wife is ok?

I've had paramedics call me "love" and "sweetheart". I actually found it comforting and reassuring when I was terrified and in lots of pain. I acknowledge however that many others may have found that inappropriate.

And don't forget, some people are extremely good at their jobs...but extremely bad at remembering names.

oh see I think i'd find it a lot more comforting in that situation if the strange man handling me into an ambulance called me mate or sweetheart or love. maybe because my dad uses these sorts of words (and I do too with my dcs) in an affectionate way and so it's comforting but I can understand if it's only ever been known to you in a gruff sort of way then maybe you took it wrong. how does your wife feel about it? and is she ok?

I get annoyed when some scrote on the tills in Tesco calls me mate, but I'm quite willing to forgive it in someone doing me a useful turn!!

I think sometimes when people are in pain and often afraid it can be a comfort to be treated in a more personal manner. As a bystander watching our loved one in pain we can also be frightened and want the reassurance of a professional who knows what they are doing and hearing someone say "mate" or "love" doesn't make you feel confident.

I think a paramedic is a really unique role, first on the scene they are there to stabilise and reassure and I suspect through experience they have found a more informal approach is what's needed in some emergency situations.

No. He was doing his job and trying to be kind in a fraught situation. He probably didn't consider the gender implications of calling a female 'mate'...and quite frankly, should he be? providing he's doing his job? I'm sure his supervisor will give him suggestions for more appropriate endearments, moving forward.

Hope your wife is ok?

I don't think he was being u; I just think this is his way of making people feel cared for and at ease. He may also have a bad memory for names! I guess he'd been up all night doing a night shift and seen a few people in that time. Obviously what matters is that he did a good job caring for her

I rember collapsing in the toilets of the hospital, I was panicking and whilst the midwives did what they needed I distinctly remember someone holding my hand and saying "your going to be fine my love". Turned out be a hospital porter.

I will alway remember him and think what a lovely guy. Might not have been professional but it was a human response to another human in distress.

It's what your wife thinks that matters although I prefer a bit more formality but often I think it's how something is said that matters most.

How is your wife now?

YABU (U for ungrateful).

Someone comes to your wifes aid at a time when most people are fast asleep, I think the last thing you need to be concerned with is which particular friendly term the paramedic uses.

If I needed to call an ambulance for a family member at 4.30 in the morning, I don't think I'd really care what they called they called my relative, or what they called me. As long as they did their job.

'Mate' is friendly and reassuring, exactly what is needed imo.

Different people have grown up in different surroundings and with different standards of what is and is not acceptable. You should be more concerned with intent than language, and their intent was to get your wife better.

Thanks for the concern. She is in overnight and morphine and tramadol don't seem to be doing much for the pain ( gallbladder) but it does make her sleep a lot which is good.

I try and turn it into a positive for her - she gets a rest. And for me good time on my own with the kids.

I asked as you hear horror stories of people being offended by such informality and complaining but as I said, I thought they were all great.

well she's in the right place and I wish her a speedy recovery.

I am a bit surprised though that it has taken for her to go into hospital for her to get a rest and you to spend some time alone with the dcs.

Ever smoorikins. Did you read all of my original post. I said I didn't mind but I wondered what the general view was.

As I said in my reply to everyone. I was interested as you hear of people complaining about such things

stephenfrysaidso. We do get rest ( for her) and time with the kids ( for me). It's just a way of looking at the positive in all this.

ah right ok. I just thought it seemed odd but obviously I've misunderstood.

Fair point Ilove, but I don't know why it would occur to you at this point to post about it if it hadn't been an issue for you.

But If I made the wrong assumption, I apologise.

Thanks. I have had time to think this evening. It was just you hear about people making such a big deal about such small things and I wondered if I was a bit more relaxed than some about it.

It certainly hadn't crossed my mind about the gender implications.

I call people mate all the time outside of my work environment, but wouldn't do so at work. Perhaps it was just that that made me notice.

I think it's a bit strange to call a woman 'mate' but that's just me.

I hope your wife is o.k. I hear from friends who work in accident and emergency that 90% of the people who end up there don't need to be there.

I hope; in the nicest possible way, your wife is one of those people.

I think it's odd to call a woman "mate" too. Perhaps I'm old though. The other terms of endearment don't bother me too much, in the right circumstances but it is absolutely never ok for a teenager boy to call me "love". It sounds very cocky.

For me mate is gender neutral so wouldn't bother me. Ilove we're thinking of you and your family, take care.

Try and Imagine the number of people they see & cut them some slack. The most important thing is that your wife was dealt quickly & appropriately, calling somebody mate is not unprofessional. Stop nit picking.

I'm in Manchester, and mate is a massive term of endearment here. Yabu to my Mancunian brain... But probably not elsewhere.

raisah. And others that read this and this and say i am having a go or should be more worried about my wife. Please read what I said. I wasn't bothered at all but I wondered if others were. And with the kids all in bed and feeling like a limb is missing without my wife here it just popped into my mind.

catinabox sadly she was one of the 10%. Straight through triage to a cubicle and then up to sau. Hopefully she will be out today and the waiting list for the op isn't too long. Btw, is it shroedingers cat in a box?

Thanks jacks.