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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be afraid this friend is going to ruin our holiday

54 replies

vintageclock · 22/08/2013 11:16

A few of us are going to be forty over the coming months. None of us wants a party so we decided we go off together on a 'fab forty' holiday. At first we decided on a sun holiday but one of the group said she burns very easily and dislikes hot weather. So then a few days in New York was suggested but this same person said the flight is too long and she gets a bit claustrophobic if she's on a plane for more than a couple of hours. So then we thought about Paris but this person then said that Paris is a romantic place that she goes to with her DH and she would like to keep it 'special' Angry. She then suggested Barcelona and everyone agreed for the sake of a quiet life, even though one person was there only last month and another travels there frequently for work.

Last week this person then asked if her sister could come along. We don't know her sister and it will mess up the room arrangements and therefore add to the expense. I am beginning to get worried that this 'friend' will just ruin the whole trip by constantly making demands and expecting everyone to go along with them. She's not that close to me, more a friend of a friend who became part of our group, and I've never seen this side of her before.

AIBU to be feeling very pissed off at the moment? We don't have a lot of spare cash so this holiday is important to me. I don't want to go if I'm going to spend the time gritting my teeth and just going along with things.

OP posts:
MrsLouisTheroux · 22/08/2013 11:19

She does sound like a drag. Who is closest to her? Are any of the others rolling their eyes? Can someone talk to her?

AngiBolen · 22/08/2013 11:23

But won't she burn in Barcelona, and feel claustrophobic on the plane? Confused

She sounds like an real pain. I would seriously think about not going.

dreamingbohemian · 22/08/2013 11:23

YANBU

But you can always just say no. You don't have to grit your teeth and go along.

MrsWolowitz · 22/08/2013 11:26

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Floatsyourboat · 22/08/2013 11:28

If she's being difficult then tell her!

Coconutty · 22/08/2013 11:28

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LifeofPo · 22/08/2013 11:29

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Bowlersarm · 22/08/2013 11:30

This would worry me. Not so much that she has dictated where you go to, as you'll have a great time whichever country you are in. But I wouldn't want her sister coming along too. That's where I would draw the line and say 'no'.

Do all the group feel as you do, or are they happy with 'the more the merrier' approach'?

fluffyraggies · 22/08/2013 11:33

This reminds me of the thread where the poster and her friends were off on an expensive all girls adults only trip and then one suddenly wanted to bring along her 6 year old daughter. Emails flew back and forth and the upshot of it was a pretty big fall out if i remember rightly.

Is the holiday booked OP? If not i would find a way to cancel the current plans and start again - with the excuse perhaps that 'something has come up' for one of you.

When the new plans get underway i would get the group to be more assertive about where and how you're all going. It's not fair to cater for just one persons whims all the time.

Good luck.

NatashaBee · 22/08/2013 11:35

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ihearsounds · 22/08/2013 11:41

I would go with the original arrangement that the majority agreed on. If she thinks it's not hot in Barcelona or that she won't get burned she is deluded. Friends going away together as a group, usually involves everyone agreeing, not simply going to placate one member.

Rooners · 22/08/2013 11:44

Don't go to Barcelona, tell her no one else wants to go there, and you hope she has a nice time with her sister.

Then book NY for the rest of you.

There's no rule that means you have to go on holiday with someone.

Renniehorta · 22/08/2013 11:45

I agree, pull out if you can. If she is being so demanding before the trip I would imagine she will also be on the trip. You will find yourselves going along with her plans just to keep the peace. If this is your only holiday you want to be able to enjoy it.

Rooners · 22/08/2013 11:47

And fwiw, I would hate somewhere too hot, and I'd hate to fly at all never mind a 7 hour journey. But there's NO WAY I would expect everyone else to do something just for me.

I'd just have the grace not to go! And wish them a lovely holiday.

She is being SO unreasonable it's unreal.

Wuxiapian · 22/08/2013 11:49

YANBU - she sounds like a nightmare.

Have you spoke to the other group members about it?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 22/08/2013 11:49

Don't put up with it for a quiet life.

You're already, quite rightly, pissed off that she has dictated the form the holiday should take.

Not Paris as it's special for her and her dh, please. Hmm

I'd ask the others what they think and take it from there.

A definite no to the sister coming as well.

nenevomito · 22/08/2013 11:53

If she doesn't like hot weather then why the hell is Barcelona is OK? She does know it's in Spain doesn't she?

IMO I'd arrange something and say she can come along if she wants. I suspect that if its a choice of go or not go, she'll go.

Rooners · 22/08/2013 11:53

It sounds like her sister wants to go to barcelona or she has got some kind of plan around that already.

limitedperiodonly · 22/08/2013 11:56

She'll ruin it. It's a shame but I'd drop out and try and do something nice without her later.

thefirstmrsrochester · 22/08/2013 11:57

Bloody hell, what a demanding diva!
Totally agree with everyone else who thinks she should be told to fall in with the majority vote or bugger off.
She wants Paris to remain special for her and her DH but its a ok to drag another friend who is frequently there for work over there Shock
Assuming you all go on this holiday, how demanding is she going to be in the run up and for the duration?
And at the very least NO to the sister coming along.

Grumpywino · 22/08/2013 12:00

Ditch her, and the sister. Be honest with her why, but life is too short for people like her ruining plans. She does deserve the truth though.

greensmoothiegoddess · 22/08/2013 12:02

You have been WAAAAAAY too accommodating to this rather difficult friend. Stick to the very first plan - the sun holiday. Tis what you should have done in the first place.

HazelnutinCaramel · 22/08/2013 12:02

I think you need to gage the vibe from the rest of the group. Are they annoyed too? If so, you can all agree what you want to do and take it from there.

She is being a pain, no doubt about that.

PostBellumBugsy · 22/08/2013 12:08

She sounds like she is trying to dictate the whole show. What I'd want to do, is to tell her to piss off. What I'd actually do, is politely grit my teeth, while inwardly seething & growing my ulcer! Wink Is there anyone else in the group who is finding "friend" equally annoying? Can you try and make a group decision?

whosshe · 22/08/2013 12:09

Oh heck, I had a friend like this, she and grown up with two parents treating her like a princess and still considered the world revolved around her. Plans always had to be what she wanted to do, she was always late, and then moaned about everything and anything, including the food, weather and other people.

What a drag, I would between the rest of you pick something, and if she doesn't like then all the better, because she will prob be a pain on the holiday so it's best she doesn't come.

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