To think that returning to work after three months is not that unusual?

[Caff2]

I did with both of mine, because I couldn't afford not to after the maternity pay went down a lot. A friend of mine seems to have forgotten I did this, and has just had her first, and is slagging off a member of her ante natal group with phrases like, "Why did she even have a child if she couldn't wait to get rid of him to a childminder?"

I love my children, I do my best for them, but both were in childcare whilst I worked full time from 10 weeks and fourteen weeks respectively.

I don't know anyone that returned to work that early.

your friend is a twat.

You do now! Me! :)

I think it is unusual to go back to work so soon. Even so it's not for anyone else to judge - every family does what is best for them.

My work colleague plans to come back after 3 months. She needs the money. Other people should just butt out and mind their own business.

I went back after 8 weeks but then I didn't have any choice as DH & I are self employed

Trying not to be envious of the rest of my NCT group's daily FB updates...

I know a couple of people who returned to work after 2 weeks. They still love their kids and one of them breastfed for a year.

Cousin did this, they couldn't pay their mortgage otherwise. I'm sure her kids appreciate the roof over their heads!

Where I live (France) maternity leave is only 12 weeks so it's entirely normal.

The phrase 'why did she even have children' really needs to be banned.

Nor me but I work in public sector. I did talk to a woman working at Lakeside who had to return to work after 5 weeks due to financial circumstances.

So YANexactlyBU but your friend is being unsympathetic to other people's circumstances.

i was like you Caff - couldn't have afforded to stay off any great length of time

i am very lucky in that my DH has a flexible job (as do i) and our childminder was across the street for the times we needed her :)

It is unusual in the UK, but needs must. It's easy for those with pots of money / high earning partners to sit back and judge. It is hard enough making parenting decisions without being criticised by so called friends.

My partner went back after ten days, and no one suggested he didn't love his children. And we have the same job (well, you know, two jobs in the same profession, we're not sharing one) at the same pay level.

She just (unintentionally I'm sure) made me feel a bit upset.

I think it is quite unusual now and usually to do with finances rather actual desire to, as you have said yourself.

Doesn't make it wrong. Doing what is best for ones family can mean going back to work earlier than average if finances will suffer. Need money to feed and clothe children after all.

Your friend is an idiot for bad mouthing somebody for having to make that choice.

Very unusual.

Well, a mix of replies. I have to go to bed now, really up too late, I've just seen the time! But at least I'm not entirely alone!

I was a cm and had babies from 6 weeks to 18 months post mat leave.

all thrived and all were from loving homes. all had us as a second family ( me dh and 4 dss) but absolutely knew who were there first family. kids are fine if surrounded by love and good child care.

people need to mind their own business.

Would have been normal in my mother's day. And is normal in places like France and the US.

I went back part-time when dd was 17 weeks. Worked out really well for us both.

I think most people here think your mate is an arse for judging OP.

3 months is more unusual than it was when I was born (late 80's) but y'know needs must. And for much the same reasons now as they were then.

Don't feel bad about yourself for making that choice. My mum went back to work when I was 3 months old and I don't harbour any resentment. Nor do I think I suffered for it. As I said, your mate is an arse.

to add, as a cm it's not unusual at all.

Definitely not alone. I think 3 months is usual in the US too, though perhaps less usual here. I went back pt after 3 1/2 months due to new job opportunity I just couldn't afford to miss. Still breastfeeding and loving both work and motherhood a year on. Your friend was being foolish/thoughtless. I have a couple of friends who went back ft after 4 months for financial reasons- and my mum went back to be a full time teacher after 7 weeks with my older brother!

to add, as a cm it's not unusual at all.

Having a year off is a recent thing! My DC were born in the 90s and the option wasn't there really. I took 3 months off for each plus the next 3 months part-time. Worked fine for us as DH and I shared pick-ups equally. Also, in hindsight it made it easier to continue having a career. Do what you need to and don't listen to your 'friend'.

So how long are you supposed to have off before she deems your procreation worthwhile, I wonder.

I hope you told your friend that she is lucky to have the option of being off for longer, not everyone is that fortunate.

I'm self employed and will probably need to start working at around 3 months as I don't get paid holidays to use up or 6 weeks full pay. I can't risk losing my clients do have to return to work, at least part time.

Your friend is being a judgemental cow. Not everyone gets a great maternity package or has a partner who can support them financially to have 9-12 months off!!