To advise you all to NEVER get tied into going somewhere every week. Forever.

[Compromisingannie]

Nc for this.

Since my ds was born, nearly 4 years ago, he has gone to my PIL every single Sunday. Even when he was tiny and I was feeding I used to express for him and off dh would go for his allotted five hours.
There is no flexibility in this arrangement, the only Sundays missed have been if we are away. My family has to arrange any special meals ( for example my gran's 95th birthday) for a Saturday. It drives me MAD and many times I have asked dh to man up and speak to them about it. And to be honest he never has so it's as much his fault as theirs. But even he is getting a bit fed up of it now.

Next Sunday there is a special event on at our museum, with a battle reenactment and knights and jousting. Ds would love it. I told dh I was taking him to which he said "that won't go down well with PIL". I offered the following options

1. I will take ds to knight thing early and dh can take him to PIL a little later than usual. Apparently not acceptable as they will miss out on allotted time.
2. he takes ds before we go and comes back early and we will go to knight thing in afternoon. Not acceptable,see above.
3. PIL can come with us to knight thing. Not acceptable as FIL likes to have home cooked Sunday lunch.
4. I will take ds over sometime in the week. Not acceptable as the days I can do (three out of five) they can't.

The upshot is I am taking ds to the museum and they are cross.
I have told dh they'd better get used to it because when ds starts school there will be parties and play dates and he's not going every single Sunday for ever and ever.

I've put up with it until now but I think it's time to put my foot down. I completely understand they love ds and want to see him but they only live ten miles away and yet they never come here. We always have to go there. Usually I don't go actually, just dh and ds. I think once a fortnight is better once ds is at school. They could maybe pop over one evening in between if they want to see him. Aibu? I'm fed up with never being able to plan anything on a Sunday!

YANBU! What an utterly ridiculous arrangement. Do they seriously never expect you to arrange ANYTHING on a Sunday - EVER?!

Let them be cross! And tell your DH to get a grip and stand up for his family.

This is ridiculous. He should speak to them about it but if he doesn't - then you must.

Just say, I am tired of always missing Sundays with my DC so you will have to be more flexible in future. This is not written in stone... both of you need to grow a spine and use it

YANBU it is completely unrealistic to expect such a large chunk of the family weekend every week.

Your DH needs to back you up.

YaNbu. Every single Sunday? Mad. They will have to start being flexible. Maybe if your dp can't talk to them you could?

YANBU, that's ridiculous!

And yes, there will be many many parties on Sundays going forward. Many. (Mutters)

YANBU.

Oh yeah and YANBU to want to change the arrangements, at all!

They're not sneakily taking your DS to church, are they? Just wondering if there is a hidden reason for the inflexibility. Trying to save his soul or summat.

Gosh YANBU!

I think it's lovely that DS and his GPs have regular time together, but some flexibility is needed. (I'd also not be happy about having to drop off and collect everytime, but I suppose that's a different issue)

Is DS starting school/nursery this September? If so, if say this is an excellent time to revisit the arrangement. I don't suppose they'll take it well, but what choice do you have?

Why don't you just speak to them and tell DH to bring his big boy pants and fecking well back you up!

You know that yanbu.

The attitude from dh and pil would ensure that i never went on a sunday again.

I've told dh to forewarn them about future Sundays when ds is at school.

I'm completely happy for them to see ds and spend time with him and he likes to see them, it just annoys me that it has to always be Sunday from 12pm until 5pm and we apparently can never deviate from this! Also they never seem to want to make any effort and come here. They're not unwell or anything, they like ds to go over there I think.
They prefer it when I don't go - mil told me tis jokingly - because when I'm there ds comes to me over her. This also annoyed me considerably.

Did you really make your gran have her 95th birthday party on a Saturday because of this ?!!!!

YANBU. Why did you put up with this? Time to move on.

There is a real power imbalance here, they are expecting you to serve up your DS to them at a specific time each Sunday and they won't travel or be open to arranging alternative arrangements.

They need to understand they have to be flexible on the days and come to you sometimes. We arrange PIL on a week by week basis and some weeks it can't happen just so this sort of expectation doesn't arise. It sounds hard OP, I really feel for you.

The biggest problem is your DH not supporting you and standing up to them though, but you know this...

To want to see him every week is lovely.
To have NO flexibility about the arrangement is very sill and just asking for trouble as he gets bigger.
They will end up (as has happened this week) not seeing him at all.
They are foolish. They should have come along and shared in his excitement.

Yanbu! I can't believe you've had this arrangement for 4 years!

How did it start?

YANBU. Let them be cross.

On one hand it is lovely they want to see him every week but they need to be a bit flexible.

Just being nosy but why don't you go on a Sunday? And why 5 hours?

That is so controlling of them it's quite scary.
They are BU. your DH appears to being a bit U unless I'm missing something.
Who cares if they're cross? That's their problem, not yours.
Just do what's best for you DS.

Yanbu.

Madness !!

FIL likes to have a home cooked lunch? Lucky him. I bet he doesn't cook it does he?

The biggest problem here is your DH.

It sounds more like court ordered contact time as it's so inflexible!