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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Your whole life.

48 replies

copperred · 07/08/2013 19:52

Can I ask people when they had their first little baby where they able to do much else a part from things with little one.
I breastfeed my little one who is 5 months old and I don't get a lot else done a part from things with my little one. Which I haven't got a problem with. But I keep having close family saying when I had mine I was able to do this. Or saying other people have more than one child and can get loads done!!
Or am I just useless and should I be able to get more done?

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 07/08/2013 19:54

What sort of things? Normal housework and cooking etc or going out to meet friends go shopping etc?

Pozzled · 07/08/2013 19:58

You're not useless. It's really hard with a new baby, especially when it's your first. When you have your second, you do get more done, but I think that's partly down to experience and partly just because you have to!

Try to ignore what people are saying- it doesn't matter what anyone else did or did not do. What matters is whether YOU are happy with your life at the moment. If it works for you, great. On the other hand, if you do want more time for other things, then I'm sure people here could advise you on that too.

TheFallenNinja · 07/08/2013 19:59

Don't sweat it, people always talk bollocks to new parents.

McNewPants2013 · 07/08/2013 20:00

What things.

When ds was 6 months I had to go back to work, so at 5 months I had to get my butt into gear.

When dd was 5 months I still had 6 months ML left so I proritised spenting time with her.

Original poster

copperred · 07/08/2013 20:02

More doing jobs. I do manage to get out and about.
My parents have got a small holding which we live on. And it's more working with the animals and stuff round the house. But some days I get very little house work done.

OP posts:

namechangesforthehardstuff · 07/08/2013 20:07

Fuck 'em.. Your life not theirs. MIL went on at me once or twice.about how she had three dcs and managed to do all the housework but given that at least two of her dcs hate her maybe less ironing and more time with the kids might have been a good idea...

Actually she went on at DH who told her to ARGUE

namechangesforthehardstuff · 07/08/2013 20:08

STFU not argue...

ratbagcatbag · 07/08/2013 20:11

Nope. I have a five month old too, have done bugger all in the cleaning department. If I get dressed and get the washer on and then washing out its all out cheer leading. I've got a cleaner starting as I've just given up. :)

Mintyy · 07/08/2013 20:11

Having a newborn is totally different to having a 5 month old.

Yes, I was able to have a bit more of a life with a 5 month old. I would have been down to a regular 4/5 feeds a day at that point, and had a fairly happy soul who would tag along on all sorts of sorties by then.

It is certainly easier than having two very young dc.

IsisOhIsis · 07/08/2013 20:13

Have you read "what mothers do" by Naomi Stadlen? It's really reassuring. You're completely normal and if other people have a problem with it then they can help out or butt out xx

LimitedEditionLady · 07/08/2013 20:20

I have a two year old and i remember the baby months.I didnt get the housework done in the day,i spent the day focused on baby so obviously yes i still washed the bottles and put his washing on and i did when he was starting solids put his food on to make batches of home made food for him but i did this when he was sleeping.Its very tiring in the early months,i was shattered my baby woke up through the night for a very long time so dont think that you arent good enough because you are holding baby whilst pushing a hoover with the mop shoved up your ass,personally is rather in the day spend my time with ds.I still do my housework in the evening when hes in bed other than little jobs that he helps me with because its easier.Youll find your own way,people will never stop nit picking,its what they do

MisselthwaiteManor · 07/08/2013 20:21

I have an 8 week old and most of the housework gets done when my husband is home. While I'm alone with her I don't get much done because it's constant feeding and shes a clingy baby, but sticking her in a sling in between feeds has enabled me to put the washing on, get myself some lunch etc. I would seriously recommend a sling if you haven't already got one.

CorrineFoxworth · 07/08/2013 20:24

DD, back at work full-time by the time she was three months old and it was awful. DS years later, I did sod all apart from BF and basic household stuff, much better and nicer.

IsThatTrue · 07/08/2013 20:27

When I had dd everything I did centred on her. I felt there was no time for anything else.

Now I have 3 dcs I can barely even think what took up all my time, especially as she was bottle fed.

The lure and simple fact is this comes from experience and necessity. You still have to clean and cook dinners when there are other children around. But tbh everyone I've known has said the same. Don't worry about it. I doubt you'll ever look back and say 'I spent too much time making my baby happy' :)

Rufus43 · 07/08/2013 20:34

Don't worry, the past is flexible and people only remember the bits they want to in the way they want to

If someone had their children years ago there is no way they would remember the state of their house or how they filled their days....it's probably wishful thinking!

Dorris83 · 07/08/2013 20:44

I have a 4 month old and do the bare minimum. I do laundry, a bit of cooking but mostly I feed the baby, play with baby, read to my baby, feed the baby ...

It's bliss. But I can imagine that it would be ruined if other people looked down their noses at me.

I don't think you need to change a thing

CorrineFoxworth · 07/08/2013 20:47

I remember being very proud that my house looked lovely when the HV came round after I had DS. DD was at junior school so out all day and hardly made any mess unlike now and everything was shining (excessive nesting helped - I was a woman obsessed pre-birth)

I was just seeing the HV out when I realised that I had my top on inside out. Bless her, she didn't bat an eyelid for the entire visit and just laughed when I looked mortified!

spotscotch · 07/08/2013 20:52

See I was the total opposite. When ds was new born/very young he was the most placid thing ever. He was not a big mover either so I could put him down for quite a long time and get loads done. My next group used to talk about how difficult things were and I would just sit there and nod, not being able to relate at all. for me, that bit was easy!

Fast forward to now and he is just about to turn 2 and has just dropped his afternoon nap. And is no longer very placid or a non mover. My house is a tip, arrgghh!

I would ignore these comments. From what I see on mumsnet and in rl, the norm is to have a tricky time of it when they are very young. And of course course people also have a habit of bending the truth when it comes to these sorts of things. [Smile]

spotscotch · 07/08/2013 20:53

Nct group, not next!

MoominMammasHandbag · 07/08/2013 20:54

Yep I was like you when the first was fiver months; by the time I had three under 5 I was bloody supermum and DS4 was an absolute doddle.
Having your first baby is a massive learning experience and not all babies are equally easy.

DfanjoUnchained · 07/08/2013 20:58

My ds is 7 months old.

Apart from the usual feeding, bathing, playing and changing him, I go to baby classes, meet with friends and have tea and cake, go to my mums/sisters house, go to the park. That's about it!

They're very high needs at this age so I don't get to do a lot of stuff for just me anymore. Won't be for long though.

CailinDana · 07/08/2013 21:52

It's worth remembering that attitudes towards child rearing have changed hugely since we were babies. Our mothers were encouraged to formula feed at 4 hour intervals and were told that holding a baby too much was "spoiling" them and "making a rod for your own back." Underlying that was the belief that a woman at home was there to look after house and husband first and foremost. Babies shouldn't get in the way of their "duty." Thankfully all that bollocks is slowly losing its grip.

Some older women have commented to me that they're jealous of the fact that these days were "allowed" to be so "soft" with our babies. It's sad really.

Your job as a mum is to care for your baby. If you can fit other things in around that, great. If you can't who cares?

MrsDeVere · 07/08/2013 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 07/08/2013 22:01

When I had DD I juggled flaming swords while cooking a healthy, balanced dinner and writing my great novel.
When I had DS I slobbed around in my dressing gown eating crisps and watching BOB the builder on repeat :o
Whatever works for you - if not "getting stuff done" is stressing you out, that's a bit of a problem. If you're perfectly happy then it's fine.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 07/08/2013 22:02

I may have exaggerated both of those slightly :o

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