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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that paying off a significant debt should be a priority?

41 replies

mameulah · 01/08/2013 15:37

How do I persuade a close family member to pay off a significant debt?

They always have good reasons why it is not top priority at the moment. Can anyone help me find a simple, and persuasive way, of scaring the crap out of themgetting them to get rid of their debt/

tia

OP posts:
samandi · 01/08/2013 15:40

YANBU. But some people just don't see it that way. No idea how you'd go about scaring the crap out of them - is the debt secured against anything?

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 01/08/2013 15:47

Have you tried google to find a debt calculator? (a quick google gave me this one )
That allows them to calculate how much they will pay in interest if they pay just the basic minimum. They can then see that by upping their payments now they will save money in the interest. It could equate to thousands of pounds saved by paying it off quicker.

Khaleasy · 01/08/2013 16:01

YABU - surely its none of your business?

Original poster
mameulah · 01/08/2013 16:05

I will have a look at the debt calculator, thanks. I have tried that previously though.

I was wondering if anyone had a good idea of how to use a bit of emotional pressure as to why it is good to pay it off. And clear your head space as well as your debt...???

OP posts:
allmycats · 01/08/2013 16:06

If they owe you then send them a letter byrecorded delivery setting out the payment terms and stating that if payment is not forthcoming then you will instigate collection proceedings.

If the debt does not affect you then keep quiet.

CerealMom · 01/08/2013 16:07

Agree with Littleprincess. Two words for them Compound Interest.

runningonwillpower · 01/08/2013 16:08

You have to ask yourself how they ran up a significant debt in the first place. Probably because they are financially irresponsible.

It's their problem (I hope) and they will have to work it out themselves.

HighJinx · 01/08/2013 16:08

I am sure you have the best of intentions but I don't see how it is anything to do with you how others allocate their money.

LazyMonkeyButler · 01/08/2013 16:11

Who is the debt owed to?

If it is to you, or to an individual who is now struggling financially without the loan being repaid then YANBU to put pressure on.

If it is owed to someone else then it is none of your business. Live your life as you please & let others do the same.

flowery · 01/08/2013 16:15

I'm assuming this person is an adult. If they are grown up enough to take on personal debt they are also grown up enough to make their own financial decisions without "emotional pressure" from a relative.

HatieKokpins · 01/08/2013 16:18

YABU. None of your business, unless it is you they owe money to.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/08/2013 16:20

Its their debt and their choice.
Unless the debt is to you, in which case take them to small claims court, or they are asking you for cash to help them out, in which case say no.

People are allowed to make even stupid choices.

OhDearNigel · 01/08/2013 16:21

I have 4 words for you

Mind Your Own Business

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 01/08/2013 16:22

I would use the calculator, then look at the amount they will pay in interest paying off the minimum, then how much interest they will pay if they pay off as much as they can afford to. Then explain that the difference between the 2 figures is how much they would have free to spend on a holiday etc. Otherwise it is money thrown down the drain that they can not get back or enjoy.
Hopefully that would appeal to them.

OhDearNigel · 01/08/2013 16:26

I cannot believe that any of you think that it is your right to try and meddle in someone else's financial affairs. I would go absolutely ballistic if a "close family member" took me to one side and tried to emotionally pressure me, with an interest calculator, and interfere in my finances. They would be getting a very short shrift from me.

Unless they have CCJs or the bailiffs knocking at the door this is absolutely, unswervingly NONE OF THE OPs BUSINESS.

GobblersKnob · 01/08/2013 16:28

From the way you have worded your op, I am guess they don't owe the money to you.

Any suggestions from family members as to how as should run my financial affairs would be met with a curt 'thank you' hoping they would get the message followed by an even curter 'fuck off'.

EvieanneVolvic · 01/08/2013 16:28

Nigel is correct: unless the close family member is your DP.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 01/08/2013 16:32

OhDearNigel - as a rule I wouldn't interfere, and as yet have not. However I think it does depend on the circumstances. OP doesn't say who this family member is. If it was her child, for example, I could see why she might want to interfere to save them from potential issues (bailiffs, CCJ's etc) when they could be avoided. I think then it would only be natural.
But the person being offered the advice is well within their rights to ignore.

Original poster
mameulah · 01/08/2013 16:32

Thanks LittlePrincess that is exactly the kind of idea I was looking for.

OP posts:
runningonwillpower · 01/08/2013 16:37

Sorry mameulah but if this is your daughter or son, why didn't you say so?

It does kind of change the dynamics. But even so, I stand by my original advice. He or she will have to work it out himself. Anything else is just a plaster over the real problem which is his/her financial irresponsibility.

Original poster
mameulah · 01/08/2013 16:42

Thanks everyone.

Just to clarify I am not asking for advice about whether or not it is my business or not.

And it is not my son or daughter.

I am confident and comfortable that the person I am talking about is happy for me to interfere. And in fact does not find my involvement interfering.

I am frustrated, and find it unreasonable, that I cannot clarify why debt is so expensive and should be prioritised above and beyond other expenses. IMO. And, if I was able to share more of this persons business over the internet I would. But that, imo would be unreasonable.

Anymore practical ideas that show the expense of debt would be appreciated.

tia

OP posts:
Still18atheart · 01/08/2013 16:53

It depends what sort of debt it is!

I.e is it a mortgage or student loan debt in which case yabu

or is it a high interest loan or owing money to a loan shark type thing then yanbu

Do they owe you any money

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 01/08/2013 16:56

I'm confused.

If they want your help and input and they dont see it as interfering, why are you asking for ways to convince them to pay off their debt.

Convincing someone to do something implies they don't want to. And asking for ways to apply emotional pressure does too.

They don't have to do what you think they ought to, but if they've invited your emotional pressure and convincing then you could do a budget with them, go to the cab with them, do one of those online interest calculators with them, phone debt advice people, etc.

Turniptwirl · 01/08/2013 17:31

Yabu, I still think you should leave them to it unless they come to you and ask for help (not politely tolerate you interfering)

I speak as s

Turniptwirl · 01/08/2013 17:34

I speak as someone currently paying off about £8000 of credit card, overdraft and payday loans debts.

I stuck my head in the sand until it all got tooth and then sorted it out on my own via a debt management company.

I'm not stupid. I knew exactly why I shouldn't be doing what I did with money. I can tell you exactly why pay day loans are evil and could have before I took them out too. But I still did it

Debt is like anything else, you can't force someone to help themselves. As long as they don't owe you money leave them to it