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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take part in the 'Surprise' for my co-workers wedding?

44 replies

VenusOfWillendorf · 23/07/2013 12:54

​here is a guy from my group at work ​getting married next month. We had a 'secret' meeting this week to discuss what to get for the happy couple and what to do for him. Normally we'd have a small apero at work, drinks cake etc and present the gift.
However, they (my group) decided this morning that we should surprise them by showing up on the wedding morning to wish them well. The plan is to meet up behind the cathedral and then pop out with a 'Surprise!". One of the guys from my group rang the registry this morning to find out time of the wedding; at first they were reluctant to tell him 'due to bad experiences in the past" ... but they did eventually give him the time. ​

I think that this is a terrible idea! I really would not like it if a crowd of people from work decided to show up at my wedding! But everyone else seems to think that it is perfectly normal. And I also don't particularly want to take a morning off work (I would allowed to, but would need to make up the hours at a later time).​ I'm not living in the UK, this is in Continental Europe, the guy getting married is from Eastern Europe, most of the group are French, German, Swiss and Italian. Nobody knows anything about the Bride to Be. I think I'm going to opt out of going. I just think the whole idea is a bit mad.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 23/07/2013 12:55

No, yanbu. in fact you sound like the only one with any sense! Unless this is some sort of established tradition and half-expected it's a terrible idea!

patienceisvirtuous · 23/07/2013 12:56

What a terrible idea!

Purple2012 · 23/07/2013 12:57

Terrible idea. Yanbu.

BadgersNadgers · 23/07/2013 12:57

Do they really dislike him or something?

Sirzy · 23/07/2013 12:57

i think the Groom will have much more exciting things on his mind than being 'suprised' by a group of people from work. I doubt he will even notice them.

what a bizzare idea!

Original poster
VenusOfWillendorf · 23/07/2013 12:58

As far as I know, it isn't an established tradition; I've lived here for ten years and never heard of anyone doing this. I think they just think it would be a nice surprise. I think they are crazy; I would HATE it.

OP posts:
comedycentral · 23/07/2013 13:00

Shock Bad idea!

MrsKeithRichards · 23/07/2013 13:01

Haha! What a lame idea!

PerchedOnMyPeddleStool · 23/07/2013 13:01

That's bizarre.
I'd hate to be on the receiving end of that, the groom could have 101 things on or people to meet/organise before his wedding.

Terrible idea, don't do it and let the rest of the group know why.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 23/07/2013 13:03

Shittest idea I've ever heard of. Seriously - it's so far beyond shit that it's actually whizzed off the end of the Shit-O-Meter.

TarkaTheOtter · 23/07/2013 13:04

That's a terrible idea. If you aren't invited to the wedding it will be excruciatingly awkward that you are all there.

fuzzpig · 23/07/2013 13:06

That's a ridiculous idea.

I would tell your colleague TBH - if by some miracle he is actually happy with it, maybe you could ask him not to tell them that you've given the game away... but (more likely) if he is annoyed at the idea then at least you've warned him and he can tell them not to!

Atomiksnowflake · 23/07/2013 13:06

Over here in switzerland,the co-workers ,people you are in clubs etc. wait for you outside the church. At our wedding we had to walk under a hosepipe display from the firebrigade and play some games.
My riding friends all came on horseback to line the way from the church.
It is a tradtion in europe ,saves on having to invite them to the reception.

CrazyOldCatLady · 23/07/2013 13:06

That's the worst wedding idea I've ever heard. It can only result in awkwardness and an annoyed bride and groom.

Crinkle77 · 23/07/2013 13:09

Yanbu it is rather an odd thing to suggest. It is one thing to go and watch them going in or coming out but to do 'surprise we're here' is bizarre. I am sure the groom will be busy with other things and won't have time to stop hello to you all. I would not go.

Unexpected · 23/07/2013 13:09

But what happens after they jump out and shout "surprise"!? Does everyone just wander off back to work then or will the groom feel obliged to stand around having photos taken and chatting to people who aren't invited to the day? And if you normally do drinks at work and this is taking the place of that, will he not be mightily miffed on leaving work on his last day to think that everyone has forgotten about his wedding?

pizzaqueen · 23/07/2013 13:10

He didn't invite his co-workers for a reason. What a bizarre idea.

i don't dislike my co-workers, in fact we get on quite well, but i wouldn't want them at my wedding. it would make me feel awkward if they turned up.

YANBU.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 23/07/2013 13:16

when DH and I married a crowd of about 6 women from his office turned up outside the registry office and waved to us over the fence as we had our photos done... Confused

squoosh · 23/07/2013 13:17

'We're only your work colleagues, you chose not to invite us, but we're here anyway. SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!' Talk about attention seeking on someone else's day.

You're quite right, crap idea.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 23/07/2013 13:30

It's a bit making his day all about them.

I think you should tell him - if he doesn't mind he can practice his surprised look for it. If he does mind he can tell them all about his "friend" whose co-workers turned up uninvited and how awful it was.....

DontmindifIdo · 23/07/2013 13:35

I'd point out that if he wanted you all there, you'd be invited. He will be dealing with his wedding guests, his actual friends and family.

Try to talk people out of it, keep stressing how embarrassing it will be and that they are making his wedding about them, not about him.

SmartiesMakeMeNaughty · 23/07/2013 13:37

I think here in Scotland it used to be the case that it was normal for people who felt affection for the couple but were not invited to come and see the bride "going in."
However I don't really think it seems to be the case any more and would now be considered at best wrong headed and at worst barking and rather a passive aggressive gesture.

SmartiesMakeMeNaughty · 23/07/2013 13:38

Also I think it's part of a bygone age when weddings were more traditional and for the family.

SlightlyItchyBraStrap · 23/07/2013 13:38

Hilarious! I hope they're all wearing gorilla masks. Please please please tell him in advance so he can have his response planned, or maybe hire a double to throw them off the track.

Original poster
VenusOfWillendorf · 23/07/2013 13:41

Am glad it's not just me that thinks its a rubbish idea. Sanity prevails!
I truly thought I had misunderstood when it was discussed this morning, but then there was an e-mail sent to 'confirm' the plan with the date, time and a map to show where abouts behind the cathedral to meet. I am cringing at the thought, everyone else dressed for a wedding and us popping out in our work clothes, SURPRISE! We have ruined your wedding!
I don't know the guy who's getting married very well; I think I'll say to the person who was running the meeting and sent the e-mail to maybe reconsider the plan, or at least investigate a little more on how it might be received. But regardless of outcome, I think I am opting OUT!
I think it's beyond unreasonable .... verging on completely insane.

OP posts:
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