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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To restrict dd's access to savings?

31 replies

JackieOHHH · 22/07/2013 13:17

Dd is 17 in sept, she keeps banging on about when does she get her money ( saved through birthday/Christmas and other stuff). She knows she's getting it so I told her its locked away il she's 21....firstly is that too old?? And there's another, small account that she will get at 18 approx £1000...she seemed happy about that, but aibu to not let her have the rest til she's 21? It'll be around £2/3k depending on what comes in.

If I give it her before she's 21 it'll lose interest but doubt it'd be much...I just know when I was her age I got a bit at 18 then some at 21 and promptly squandered every penny

OP posts:
specialsubject · 22/07/2013 13:23

what is she planning to do with the money? That will answer your question.

BTW are you keeping an eye on those accounts? Even the highest rate is only about 2% at the moment but dormant accounts pay 0.01%. Literally.

Gubbins · 22/07/2013 13:28

If it's money that has been given to her and that she has chosen to save rather than spend at the time, then I don't think you should keep it from her. If it's money that you have put aside for her then I'd not let her have it until she needs it,even if that's not until she's 30.

Original poster
JackieOHHH · 22/07/2013 13:38

Gubbins that's it exactly...it's money that's been put aside, now she goes to college for 2 years in September so she'll be 19 almost when she finishes, then hopefully uni but I'm hoping she is going to get a job very soon to help fund her excessive lifestyle.
It's the fact that she makes me feel like I'm hoarding it when she is "sensible and won't do anything silly with it"!

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CheeseFondueRocks · 22/07/2013 13:47

Tbh, it's not that big an amount so if she wanted to go travelling after school, I'd let her have it. If it was just to fritter, I'd still let her have it but encourage her to realise that she will need the money for college.

If we were talking an amount that would be a potential deposit for a flat/house, I wouldn't let her have it. No way.

We have the issue that our DC will get access to about 30k each at their 18th birthday (from my dad) and I feel that 18 is too young. Sadly, I don't think there's anything I can do...

NatashaBee · 22/07/2013 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 22/07/2013 14:16

CheeseFondueRocks (and yes it does!!) I would do everything within my power to either stop them getting it or to make sure they invest the vast majority of it. That is a good chunk of money, but could so easily be 'wasted' and see them regret it later - and as is the way of the world - blame you for letting them!

Thingymajigs · 22/07/2013 14:25

I'm dreading the point when my dc's can have their savings.
I imagine it might be around 5k each which would probably be spent on a gaming laptop if I just let them have it at 18. I'm worried I would resent them for wasting money that we've saved so hard for over the years. I'm definitely holding off until 21 and even then I might have restrictions on how the money can be used.
Only you can judge how responsible she is and how you'll both feel if the money is squandered in a short amount of time.

ShabbyButNotChic · 22/07/2013 15:28

My friend and her cousins all inherited from their grans death aged about 7-8, this money was put in trust until 18 as i was a massive amount, about £25k each. My friend was sensible and took £5k at 18, and left the rest til 21. She bought a car/insurance, went on holiday, and bought a laptop. And it was all gone. She was shocked at just how easy it went and didnt touch the rest until she bought a house at 23, using the rest as a deposit.

In contrast, her cousin (same age) took the lot at 18, had a fantastic 12 months on it, then realised it had all disappeared on shit . She then really struggled with debt etc afterwards.
I think you need to talk to your dd and see exactly what she plans to do with it, if its something sensible like passing her test and getting a car or something memorable like 12 months travelling i would let her have it all. If she just fancies getting new clothes and an ipad then i would keep hold if i could. Not all 18yr olds would blow it though so i think you need to have a good chat.

cozietoesie · 22/07/2013 15:39

I'm not sure you can refuse to give it to her once she's legally an adult and if she knows about it and asks for it. All you can do is hold it back and delay things, I think.

(We've got the same issue which has been partly solved by simply not telling the youngsters that they have a few 000s held for them. Some day that bubble is going to burst, though. It's a difficult one. Two of the youngsters would likely continue to save it and spend only on necessities. The rest would blow it.)

Costypop · 22/07/2013 15:49

I personally wouldn't her have any of it, unless it was to go towards a big buy like a car or house. I had £30,000 given to me when I was 18years old, compo money. The boyfriend at the time (a lot older) enougaede to spend the lot on holidays and nights out, paying his rent etc. if only I had that money now my life would be totally different

Original poster
JackieOHHH · 22/07/2013 16:18

H,mmmm lots of different views....to be honest if she got it before she was 21 there wouldn't be 3 grand, it's an on going thing, I just want to eeek it out, a grand at 18 is great, but I'm worried she will need the rest for university...that's a whole other issue right now for me, how are we for to afford uni?!

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Original poster
JackieOHHH · 22/07/2013 16:21

When I was 21 I got some money, bought a car, then went to live with an arsehole who made me sell the car and spend the money on our lifestyle (bit like you Costypop although no where near that amount), similar thing has happened with step daughter, she got ALOT of money when her grandad died and it's all gone, on crap, and her lazy arse boyfriend not bitter, much

OP posts:
PrettyKitty1986 · 22/07/2013 16:27

Why is she expecting this money if it's been put aside by you?

I having savings for my dc but am determined that they won't even know they exist, never mind the amount. There is zero chance I am handing over thousands of pounds to a teenager...what a waste! We will dole it out as and when we see fit.

JazzDalek · 22/07/2013 16:32

Ooooh, I'd be worried too. I pissed £6000 up the wall when I was 21 Sad. I've never had anything close to that sum again since, and would love to go back in time and give myself a massive kick up the arse. Dp received approximately £30000 from the sale of his childhood home when he was in his twenties and blew the lot before I met him.

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 22/07/2013 16:36

I had savings and my parents sort of went down a 'kill two birds with one stone' approach when I was that age. They said that they would match my savings to buy a car, on the proviso that it was brand new (at the time I thought they were nuts, I realise now that they wanted to me to have one that was shiny and new so they could be reasonably confident it wasn't going to break down at 1am. Personally, a 6 monther would have probably done the same, also, not stealth boast. Was the basic model citroen saxo so certainly nothing flashy!).

Given your DDs age, I imagine this is high up her list. It incentivised me to save knowing that I was effectively saving double and I still had something to show for it at the end. Could this work for you?

I do think the two installments approach is good, or maybe say that she can have the rest provided she can 'justify' it to you - i.e. travelling to a significant place, investment in education, that sort of thing. Does she have any specific ideas for it?

Greenkit · 22/07/2013 16:40

But its her money saved from Birthdays and Christmas, if you restrict it surely that is theft? In a loose sense, you are depriving her of her money.

Surely it would be better to discuss what she would like the money for, and help her to use the money wisely?

Original poster
JackieOHHH · 22/07/2013 16:54

Greenkit I see what you're saying...but the money is from cheques given to her for the sole purpose of being put away, and the accounts are in her name with me as trustee iykwim,so hardly theft. I found a account a few years ago that locks it away til she is 21, although I can have, I think, 2 withdrawals per year, or something.
Right now her plans would be yet another new wardrobe Hmm... We will be paying or driving lessons and a car as that's what we did or stepdaughter when she was 17. We are trying to get her a job, and fair play she is trying, but nothing as yet....when she gets one, if it's a decent amount of hours & money per month I plan to take a bit from her in 'board' but actually save it for her.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 22/07/2013 16:58

Please don't tell her you're saving it for her and when you give it back to her, don't tell her it was her board, just that you're giving her some money. She needs to know that she has to contribute.

cantspel · 22/07/2013 17:01

When she becomes 18 only she will be able to access the money and you as trustee will be redundant. You will not be able to have any say or stop her from withdrawing the money. Even if you keep the book all she has to do is going the branch and request a search is done to get a new pass book..

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 22/07/2013 17:03

I'd let her blow a bit on a wardrobe, but definitely not all of it. One of my university friends spent her first student loan installment on a beautiful but completely impractical cream Karen Millen suit during the first week of and then had to live off rice and beans for the rest of the semester. It was an expensive but very effective learning experience for her.

I think it's valuable to have that and realise how easily money disappears when she's still young and can learn from it without major incident.

Fairyliz · 22/07/2013 17:03

I've got about £8000 put away for my teenage daughter who is 19. Its a combination of money given for birthdsys/christmas when she was small and money I have saved each month. I have told her it is towards a deposit for a house and she seems to have accepted that.

ImperialBlether · 22/07/2013 17:04

Cantspel, that's when the OP has to refuse driving lessons and a car, then.

oscarwilde · 22/07/2013 17:10

YABU and YANBU - but I would ask her for a copy of her financial plan to fund her current lifestyle, driving lessons, use/purchase of a car, uni fees and living costs, and other miscellaneous before handing over the reins Grin

17 is not too young to manage her own money. She could be managing her first child in theory so it might be time to sit her down and introduce her to your money worries. That you want her to be able to go to uni but have concerns about affordability, and that you are anxious that she will whittle down a sum of money that has been built up over a period of time, and will later regret it.

It might be useful to take another tack entirely which is to say that between the two accounts, that it is a good opportunity to look at her savings "portfolio" and to try to maximise her interest on the accounts. Does she want a shares ISA for example? Make her think about growing the money rather than spending it. I had a small sum of money [less than £300] as a child which my Dad invested into stocks and shares with my "consent" @12 yrs. I followed the stock market weekly with him tracking my investment and cashed it in for 10 times the initial investment 10 yrs later when the shareholders were bought out and the company taken private. It was a huge lesson.

YouTheCat · 22/07/2013 17:17

I have some money I've been saving for dd and ds (started when they were 6) and I purposely decided on the 15 year plan so that they are 21 when they get the money.

At 18 it would go on booze. I'm hopeful, that at 21 it'd go on renting a place. (It's not really much 2/3k depending on interest rates).

I think giving your dd some of the money and saving the rest is a good option.

Original poster
JackieOHHH · 22/07/2013 17:23

Youthecat - sounds like the same sort of account.....thanks.
Thanks everyone for your input.

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