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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be dreading going on holiday

47 replies

Holly94 · 08/07/2013 14:49

Going to Spain for a week tomorrow with my friends. We're all 18, however I'm now 9 weeks pregnant. Obviously holiday was booked prior to surprise baby.

It was too late for me to cancel and I didn't really want to. However at a meeting last week to arrange who's going in what room etc, I found out each room sleeps 4 people and that there'll be 2 twin beds and 2 camp bed type things. I asked if it was okay for me to have a proper bed as I really haven't been sleeping well recently and my friend told me 'being pregnant doesnt entitle you to a proper bed'. I was also told not to try and disturb them on a morning throwing up. Sorry but I can't really control my morning sickness! Some of the girls have also been saying stuff like 'please stay out all night with us, a few drinks won't hurt the baby'.

Arghhh! I know they can't really be expected to understand - they're all counting down to freshers week and I'm counting down till my due date, but it's just so frustrating :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Holly94 · 08/07/2013 14:51

I'm also bruising really easily so my legs look like I've been battered and I've got awful early pregnancy bloating.
Aren't I going to look lovely in a bikini next to all my skinny gorgeous mates :(

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 08/07/2013 14:52

Hmm, it's going to be a bit grim for you if they're all out getting pissed every night, and you're sober.

I'd try to find someone else to take my place, to be honest, but this sort of holiday is my worst nightmare anyway!

Pennyacrossthehall · 08/07/2013 14:52

'...a few drinks won't hurt the baby' you must definitely ignore idiocy like this!

However, that doesn't stop you staying out with them at night. Drinking isn't mandatory, you know?

sweetsummerlove · 08/07/2013 14:53

Cancel. Don't go...your friends sound like insensitive arses.

AKissIsNotAContract · 08/07/2013 14:55

Don't go, it sounds like you won't be friends with them by the end of the holiday.

Original poster
Holly94 · 08/07/2013 14:55

Endoplasmic I've said I'll stay out for a bit on a night - obviously no drinking! But I'm knackered by about 11 at the latest anyway so I'll be going to bed early which doesn't bother me as when they're all sleeping in till midday I'll be sat by the pool in the sunshine! This holiday is my worst nightmare too now.

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HumphreyCobbler · 08/07/2013 14:55

I would feel no shame about grabbing a bed due to being pregnant. I am normally quite diffident about stuff like that but I feel soooo rubbish in early pg.

Seriously, are you sure you want to go? I would think it won't be much fun. sorry to be such a doomsayer.

PatriciaHolm · 08/07/2013 14:55

It really doesn't sounds as if the type of holiday they are planning is very compatible with pregnancy unfortunately and if they aren't prepared to make and adjustments, it doesn't sound like any fun at all.

aldiwhore · 08/07/2013 14:56

They sound like shit friends.

If my friend was pregnant she'd get the bed without having to ask.

Your life is taking a different path now, some of your mates will stick with you, some just won't get it, you will be brilliant with the right attitude. You have to grow up, they don't, so you can only do what's in your power to do.

Honestly I wouldn't go. If you do go, make sure you don't get bullied.

Original poster
Holly94 · 08/07/2013 14:56

I can't cancel, it would have cost me money I really don't have right now. My boyfriend says to go and enjoy myself and the sunshine and just to ignore them if they start being idiots.

OP posts:
Original poster
Holly94 · 08/07/2013 15:00

Aldi, I know, I'm on a different route to them. My life is going a bit differently to how I'd planned and I'm at a different stage to them. I want to carry on being friends with some of the girls but some of them are just not very nice anyway.

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elQuintoConyo · 08/07/2013 15:00

Could anyone take your place?
Would cancelling mean the others would have to share your cost? Iyswim?
Could you just not go and pay up anyway, chalk.it down to, 'that's the way the cookie crumbles... bastard cookies!' ?
It sounds like it will be a nightmare sharing a room with the others then not enjoying frying on the beach.
I'd ignore the morning sickness comment - I'm sure you'd all be fighting each other to puke in the toilet, morning sickness or not!

Congratulations and use MN to fund out all you need to know about your pregnancy and birth and baby... no question is too stupid Grin Thanks

Original poster
Holly94 · 08/07/2013 15:04

ElQuinto, it's tomorrow :( I tried to cancel a couple of weeks back when I realised what some people would be like with me but it's going to cost me as much as the holiday in the first place.

Do I have to take special cautions in the sun?

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elQuintoConyo · 08/07/2013 15:06

Oops, typing too slowly!
I'm sure you can't just "go anyway and have fun", your body has other ideas.
At 18 our lives change dramatically - babies, university, gap year, starting a new job, moving in with DPs - friendships change, too. Good friends will stay with you for life, fairweather friends will come and go.

I'd say don't go on holiday, you'll feel like crap both physically and around your friends, totally out of the loop. I'm in Spain and it is disgustingly hot, like walking around wearing a wet duvet

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 15:07

your friends sound insensitive but if you cant get anybody to go in your place go on holiday but they may leave you behind if you are throwing up and going to bed just as they are going out, grab a bed when you get there and try and enjoy yourself

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 15:08

o I have to take special cautions in the sun?

make sure you have loads of suncream and try and drink loads so you dont dehydrate

Pigsmummy · 08/07/2013 15:10

I remember your ball thread, just take a loaded kindle/loads of books and enjoy the break, I would go out with them until you are tired and then make your way back to the room. Drink loads of water and swimming is great pregnancy exercise!

How was the ball?

elQuintoConyo · 08/07/2013 15:11

Factir 50 all over, plenty of liquid and healthy diet, lots of swimming.
Honestly, just don't go. If no one is going to be supportive while you are there, you'll be putting up with rolled eyes (or worse) every time you say, 'I can't do X' or 'I'm gonna throw up'.

I realise you're going to lose a big chunk of money - but would that be worse than going and not enjoying it one bit?

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 15:13

Remember you cant eat shellfish

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 15:14

I think Pigsmummy has it it is still your holiday too it is just going to be a bit different than you expected if you want to stay at the hotel or pool just do it, dont go traipising about if you are not feeling right just try and relax and enjoy the break

badfaketan · 08/07/2013 15:15

It might not be so bad.Insensitive that they haven't guaranteed you a bed but you can still all go out for dinner and sit in a bar then they can hit the clubs and leave you to sleep undisturbed.
If my pre-Uni holiday was anything to go by they might not even make it back to their own beds..
Take loads of books you want to read and enjoy relaxing in the sun.You won't get a holiday like this again for a while so don't let them spoil it!

Original poster
Holly94 · 08/07/2013 15:15

Pigsmummy, it was quite nice thank you. A few people whispered and threw looks at my way and a few stared at my stomach (nothing there much to their disappointment) but the majority of people were nice and I sat and drank orange juice all night.. Well, before getting DP to pick me up at 10 pm because I was tired! Grin
Got a loaded kindle ready to go!

Elquinto, it's just I physically don't have the money, it's all put away in savings for pram/house/cot etc. I'm terrified of not having enough money to feed my child so I'm saving frantically. Stupid unfounded fear but keep having thoughts of DP losing his job etc, my maternity pay not coming through :(

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ExitPursuedByABear · 08/07/2013 15:17

As you will be the first to bed you can nab whichever is the comfiest.

Ignore any snidey remarks, put your feet up in the sunshine and relax.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 08/07/2013 15:19

I'm sorry but they sound horrible. I agree with the poster who says that in her world, a pregnant friend would automatically be offered/allocated a proper bed ? that goes without saying, doesn't it? Hmm

If you feel like you need/want a break in the sun then go. Socialise as much or as little as you want to and enjoy some time reading/lying around. If anyone gives you any shite about not drinking, going to bed early or having morning sickness, just tell them to mind their own.

If all this sounds too stressful then I'd suggest you cancel. One way to look at it is that the money is gone anyway; it doesn't make any difference to that fact if you go on the holiday or not.

And get some better friends, honestly.

SummerMyArse · 08/07/2013 15:20

Don't go.

Chalk it up to experience.

I've lost money from not going on holidays when I was a student. Very annoying at the time but the right decision for my mental happiness.

I've also been on holiday with 2 friends that I pretty much argued with from day one and had a miserable time.

If you do go, lots of suncream (otherwise you can get skin pigmentation which you can't get rid of), lots of water and a wide-brimmed hat.