AIBU to think its too late?

[CocacolaMum]

I have 2 children 1 primary and 1 secondary age. I work from home so no colleagues and we live hundreds of miles from any friends I made when I did work...

so

..is it too late for me to make friends with real life actual humans?! I mean I watch my 7 yr old approach other kids and essentially just say "want to be friends?" and that's it, instant person to play with and I wonder how on earth grown ups go about this friend making mularky? I don't really have any hobbies as spare time is spent working and I really don't know any of the mums at school gates despite her now being in her 2nd yr at this school.

Maybe I just have chronic bitchface and should resign myself to having only online friends :(

I would like to think it's never too late but I have no idea how you go about it as I am bloody hopeless at the friend making marlarky. If you find the answer will you share please?

Always accept an invitation for wine.

You'll have some disastrous evenings, but every so often you'll meet someone you'd like to see again. Very occasionally you become firm friends.

You can't just go out and make a friend, you have to create opportunity knowing that it will be tedious sometimes!

It's never too late to be open to allowing opportunities come your way.

I used to have chronic bitchface when I was depressed. It does create a barrier to making friends.

I had to soften up a bit, start chatting with ppl, open up my body language, let ppl in etc.

Was hard but I over time I grew a lovely circle of friends

I think we lose practice once we leave education whether that be school or university. Then once your circle of friends dwindles you feel really self conscious about seeming clingy.

Im in the same boat. Moved away years ago and met dp. Apart from dp i didnt ever get on with anyone enough to be good friends with. Everyone seems to be on a different wavelength here (in the country) but this was never the case in my homecity so im not just an odd person.

Its never bothered me as i have lots of aquaintances and i enjoy spending my free time with dp. Plus my new home has always felt very temporary and like i might move to my real home one day. Now that i have dd though and everything is more permanent i realise that i need to make friends but i cant bear to look desparate so i probably wont! I worry that people will realise that i have no mates if i push to do things with them and i dont want that, so i probably subconsciously appear aloof instead. D'oh!

Op, will you be my friend? We can play hopscotch and stuff

Have you tried Mumsnet local?

I would NEVER turn down wine! Never been invited though :(

I do love hopscotch littleginger so yes, I would happily consider you for friendship :D

Worraliberty I hadn't see that area of Mumsnet before but having just popped over I can see that there is nobody else in my area :s

The people I know with lots of friends tend to be the ones who organise stuff. You say you won't turn down wine - loads of people feel the same way. Why not try chatting to a few mums on the school run and suggest a drink?

Or go back to local mums page and post a message? You do have to work at getting a social life and maintaining it.

Fantastic we can include wine and pretend we are improving our social skills.

I always get the impression that people are too busy and have enough friends. Sometimes i hanker to move back home where everything is easier but i know that i live in such a great place for my dd.

I went to a baby group for first time last week in an attempt to meet new people and it was great however it finishes for summer next week. Double d'oh!

Hello OP.

I know exactly what you mean, I am a bit the same. I am quite confident though so don't find talking to people difficult and seem to make lots of acquaintances and few friends. if you talk to parents of your dc friends, arrange for kids to meet and play, at least you have a common interest. Then the ones you wouldn't mind a social with are easier to approach.
Find a hobby outside the house, I know its hard time wise but a couple of hours once a week could be manageable. There are loads of short courses in the community that are free and you'll meet like minded people there.

Try these Op.

SpiceUK

Meetup

Or MN Local

Or even (don't laugh!) your local WI. It's not all Jam and Jerusalem, there's a mixture of all ages and there's often loads of different interest groups within your branch.

It's worth a look. Wish I'd joined when I was younger.

Could you organise your work so you could get involved with something at the school? I was thinking for instance of helping in class with reading and so on (if your DDs school encourages it). Then regular helpers all meet up every so often.

When DS was in primary, every year a mum (not the same one) would organise a meal out (and wine!!) for all mums whose DC had just gone into their child's class (works if there's more that one class per year!)

You may or may not wish to get involved with the PTA...

Seconding NannyOgg - I moved back to the UK after a few years overseas and found it really hard to get back in the swing of things with people I hadn't really kept in touch with. Joined a WI and have made some good friends! Ok, it's an urban WI and therefore the average age is 36, and we're all in the same boat culture-wise (mostly aging goths - not representative of WIs in general, I promise) but new people, things to do, lots of support and encouragement.

Plus, it gets you out of the house. I work from home too, for myself, and have a big post-it on my computer which says "leave the house!" on it. You can only make friends by meeting people and only meet people by getting out and about.