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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About this family occasion?

63 replies

MoleRat · 07/07/2013 16:14

My parents are having a big celebration lunch later this month. It's for their anniversary and it's a big occasion, there are about 80 guests attending, all family friends and extended family. I know they have put a lot of money in it, and I was really looking forward to it.

My parents said myself and my siblings could all invite friends, and both myself and my sister have invited old childhood friends, ones which our parents know- we were under the impression as it was a big family occasion they would like to see friends which they have known for years.

Now my 16 year old brother is taking his new "girlfriend". (I use the term loosely as he says they aren't officially dating, but they might eventually) None of our family have met her. This will be the first time any of us meet her, with our entire extended family and family friends.

AIBU to not want her to attend? I wouldn't mind if she was someone who I knew or my parents had met but she is a complete stranger. She also isn't my brother's girlfriend really- I wouldn't invite someone I was seeing for a matter of weeks to a wedding or similar event.

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 07/07/2013 16:16

Not up to you. Not your party. If your parents don't mind, you shouldn't.

ilovechips · 07/07/2013 16:17

If your parents don't mind then I don't see why you're bothered.

TidyDancer · 07/07/2013 16:17

Of course YABU. Ridiculous in fact.

Lj8893 · 07/07/2013 16:17

YABU.

It's not your event to decide who your brother, or anyone else, brings.

I don't understand why you wouldn't want her there, i could kind of understand if you don't like her or don't get on with her but since you haven't met her that isn't the case.

I would be loving it if my brother was bringing a girl I hadn't met yet to a family event, I would be dying to meet her. And for that reason only, my brother probably wouldn't bring her in fear of me embarrassing him!

AnneTwacky · 07/07/2013 16:18

YABU and a bit controlling.

Your parents said your brother could invite one of his friends, and he has.

MelanieCheeks · 07/07/2013 16:18

I think you are BU! It's a big do with 80 guests, chances are you'll get very little time with her at all. If you're allowed to bring a friend, then so's your brother. If SHE is OK with such a potentially intimidating gathering, then I don't really understand why you feel it's not on.

maras2 · 07/07/2013 16:20

How very selfish of you.He's 16.At that age this sort of relationship is 'the one'.

Pimpf · 07/07/2013 16:21

Yabvu, get over yourself

Original poster
MoleRat · 07/07/2013 16:23

Okay thank you for the replies- reading it back I can see where everyone is coming from.

I think it is more the fact that none of us know her, or have met her. I honestly wouldn't mind if she had come over for tea or something beforehand, it's just the fact she is a complete stranger.

I don't know, maybe I am really weird.

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 07/07/2013 16:24

Oh OP - imagine a 16 year old you, thrilled to be invited to your boy friend's (or nearly boy-friend's) family do.

Now imagine that his big (adult) sister was all humphy about you being there. One 16 year old girl, probably nervous, among 80 guests is hardly going to effect the celebrations.

fluffyraggies · 07/07/2013 16:26

Why don't you suggest asking her to tea then? Or take the pair of them out for a pizza with you and your DPs so she can meet some of you?

LondonInHighHeeledBoots · 07/07/2013 16:26

If he's bringing her to a big family event, then I think she is a proper girlfriend, he just doesn't want to admit it imo. 16 year old boys don't invite random girls that they don't really like to a big family do generally. Just get hold of baby pictures and milk it a bit.

Ask him to bring her to meet you for coffee or something first - so she knows someone else there and isn't nervous?

superbagpuss · 07/07/2013 16:31

when I was 17 I was invited to his patents wedding anniversary
we hadn't been dating long and had only met his parents in passing

still it felt very adult to go somewhere with him and be included

we split up a few months later, he cheated on me on a geography field trip, but for a few months it was love

Figgygal · 07/07/2013 16:36
Shock

It is not your party yabu!!

Turniptwirl · 07/07/2013 16:40

Yabu

If it bothers you that much arrange a meal with you, bro and his gf and your parents begorehand

DuchessFanny · 07/07/2013 16:40

Ahh bless her, she'll probably be so nervous meeting the whole 'clan' at once -- be friendly for the ( probably ) short amount of time you'll have to spend with her, I promise her attending will make NO difference to your mum & dad and their big party.

Inertia · 07/07/2013 16:41

Can you not invite her over for tea first then? She'd probably be glad to see a familiar friendly face amongst 80 strangers.

CloudsAndTrees · 07/07/2013 16:43

Yabvu!

Out of 80 guests you are worrying about one person who is probably lovely just because you haven't met her?

I had a couple of guests at my own wedding that I'd never met before because of plus ones. For an anniversary lunch, where your parents have actually told you to invite friends, I honestly can't see your problem.

TigOldBitties · 07/07/2013 16:44

Yabu, out of 80 people, especially family nd friends, I can't see why you would even be aware of some 16 year old, your brother wants her there and your parents don't mind so let it go.

Coconutty · 07/07/2013 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emilythornesbff · 07/07/2013 17:00

Are you miffed because you "used up" your invites asking ppl you felt you "should" but your db hasn't done that?

Or are you worried about something else?

NoComet · 07/07/2013 17:06

I was a complete stranger the first time DH met me, and already engaged to their pfb Grin

NoComet · 07/07/2013 17:07

DH's parents, sorry posting and tennis don't mix

nkf · 07/07/2013 17:10

He probably likes her lots and that's why he's invited her.

comedycentral · 07/07/2013 17:42

What a horrid attitude!