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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand why you'd only provide alcoholic drinks

29 replies

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 08:11

It's my sixth form leavers ball thingy tonight at a posh hotel. Paid £35 for a ticket!
I'm also 9 weeks pregnant.
My group of friends are all going to someone's house for photos in the garden beforehand. My friend posted on the Facebook event that she's providing alcoholic drinks and snacks. I asked if there'd be anything non-alcoholic and she said I'd have to bring it myself which I don't have a problem with I just always thought if you were buying alcohol and food for a garden party people tended to buy things like lemonade too!

At the actual hotel we have a 3 course meal and every table is provided with free bottles of wine and beer. I asked one of the organisers if they had anything arranged for those who don't drink and they said you'll have to buy your own drinks.

So AIBU to not understand why only alcoholic drinks are being provided? What about those of us who don't/can't drink?!

OP posts:

kelda · 05/07/2013 08:13

Probably because cheap bottles of wine/beer are cheaper then orange juice/cola etc.

Will there be drinking water provided?

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 08:15

I've bought a few bottles of j2o to take to the girls house and I presume you can probably get tap water for free at the hotel but I just think it's unfair that I paid so much for a ticket and the only free drinks are alcoholic.

OP posts:

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/07/2013 08:18

Sneak your favourite soft drink in. Ask for a glass of water. There you go. Not ideal but some people find the concept of teetotalism incomprehensible. Also make sure you "claim" your share of free drinks and give them to a close colleague. Brownie points/brew tokens. :o

OhYouBadBadKitten · 05/07/2013 08:21

It's not right as it means that even those who are drinking have no incentive to pace themselves.

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 08:22

I agree re the teetotalism concept. I never really drank even before I was pregnant and at any social events people always used to ask me 'oh why aren't you drinking?' I just don't like it!
I have no problem with those that do choose to drink though.

OP posts:

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/07/2013 08:28

Have you got a lift sorted? Its horrible being the only sober one when everyone else is trollied. You may want to plan an escape for when the "I fucking love you" brigade start up.

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 08:32

My boyfriend is picking me up at 10. I can barely stay awake past 9 so I'll be lucky if I make it to that time anyway! Looking forward to all the 'is it true you're pregnant?' questions...

OP posts:

RaisingChaotic · 05/07/2013 08:35

YANBU you've paid the same for your ticket as everybody else so you should have access to a drink other than water.

samandi · 05/07/2013 08:37

My group of friends are all going to someone's house for photos in the garden beforehand. My friend posted on the Facebook event that she's providing alcoholic drinks and snacks. I asked if there'd be anything non-alcoholic and she said I'd have to bring it myself which I don't have a problem with I just always thought if you were buying alcohol and food for a garden party people tended to buy things like lemonade too!

I thought it was usual etiquette to bring your own drinks to a party, or at least contribute, so I don't see why you should feel put out about that. She's doing her bit by contributing snacks, and going beyond the call of duty IMO to provide alcoholic drinks too - so YABU about that.

On the other hand, it's unreasonable that the hotel don't provide non-alcoholic drinks.

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 08:40

Samandi, I was just wondering why there literally wouldn't even be lemonade on offer. I've bought some drinks to take anyway but I just thought how strange. Normally when people buy alcoholic drinks don't they buy mixers as well? Unless she's expecting people to be drinking straight vodka and Malibu.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 05/07/2013 08:42

Is it the hotel that has decided on alcohol being provided or the college?

If it is the college, this may have come from the students reps, perhaps?

If it is the hotel, then they should provide water, as otherwise they are breaking the Equality Act by indirect discrimination.

Anyone providing a service must be aware that alcohol isn't permitted by some cultures/religions and must offer an equal service to all.

However, it is up to the person whose house that you are meeting at, if they want to buy in lemonade etc.

Birdsgottafly · 05/07/2013 08:44

Actually, it is direct discrimination and indirect, under the law.

We held an event and had to re-think alcohol on the tables, it was available, but people had to go and serve themselves.

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 08:47

It's our sixth form. We had a group of 6 reps and they've chosen the package with the free alcohol etc. I think the hotel will be providing water but if everyone else has paid the same amount of me and is getting glasses of wine etc for no extra cost I don't see why I couldn't have an orange juice.
Not everyone going is 18 yet either.
One of my friends told me 'one drink won't hurt'. I understand some people might have a couple of drinks when pg and I have no issue with that but for me it's not worth the risks to my baby especially when it's at such a vital stage of development.

OP posts:

cantreachmytoes · 05/07/2013 08:50

Wow! If you didn't drink because of religious beliefs, I'm sure that'd be discrimination! I would definitely speak to whoever is organising it and ask for more than a glass of (tap) water to be provided. I have never heard of an event where alcohol is provided, but nothing soft, whether at a house party or a formal/hotel one. It's not like soft drinks cost much anyway and at hotels they often have mixers on tap (taste crap, but they're there).

I'd pull out the pregnancy card. Unless your whole year is full of pregnant girls, it's hardly like giving you a few soft drinks is going to start a tidal wave of requests!

As an aside, the hotel is going to have one hell of a mess to clean up tonight/tomorrow if attendees aren't given anything to pace themselves with!!

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 08:52

Cantreachmytoes I was thinking of using the 'I can't drink I'm pregnant' line but don't want to sound 'entitled''! Do you think it will work if I just say to the bar as I'm pregnant and not drinking the free alcohol could I possibly have a glass of lemonade please?

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 05/07/2013 08:58

That's really shocking. You have paid £35 for a ticket, which includes food, and alcoholic beverage. So if you are pregnant, don't drink on religious grounds, or are driving, then you don't get some of what you have paid for. It should certainly be alcoholic or equivalent so, either a glass of wine or a glass of orange juice, or a glass of lemonade. I mean come on, lemonade from those mixers are not exactly expensive are they?

Re your friend, a bit selfish, but, what can you do? A guess, as a 6th former, those who do drink are still in the new 'lets get hammered at every opportunity' phase and don't get those who would not want to do so. It just doesn't enter into the head of some who love a good boozeup that others might not want to do so too.

PavlovtheCat · 05/07/2013 09:00

holly and you are right re drinking when pregnant, lots of women feel comfortable about having the odd glass of wine, and lots of women don't want to have any alcohol - that is your choice and it's your right to make that choice.

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 09:08

Pavlov, yeah my friends just seem to want to get as drunk as possible. I'm going to Tenerife with them on Tuesday for a week (obviously booked before falling pregnant - surprise but very welcomed baby!) and I'm starting to dread it now.

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 05/07/2013 09:13

holly I am not surprised, they are mostly going to get drunk and party. But, at least when they are waking at midday or later feeling wretched, you will enjoying some sun on the beach. Virgin mojitos are very bloody lovely and you enjoy the atmosphere of a good party without drinking. I have several friends, my best friends, who didn't drink when we were younger, maybe a glass of wine or two, but that was their limit, one of them normally drove. They still came clubbing, partied til the wee hours without alcohol. Now, of course you are not going to want to do that til 3am, but, there is no reason you can't drink virgin mojitos or other non-alcoholic cocktails, and dance the evening away before crashing then waking with no hangover.

Pigsmummy · 05/07/2013 09:13

There will be water on the table, have lots of that, it will help you keep awake too.

As for the holiday take plenty of books and sunbathe whilst your friends sleep it off.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/07/2013 09:15

OP, if you don't want to tell people you're pg then don't. Let them speculate all they want. You're entitled to your privacy. I take it you're 18 or thereabouts? I didn't think being a younger mum was still as scandalous as it was when I was a whippersnapper? :o

Wine, beer or cider can be served with a meal in a bar or restaurant to over 14 year olds btw. I'm sure if the faffing with food just for the sake of drinking booze could be avoided then it would be.

Original poster

Holly94 · 05/07/2013 09:21

Pavlov, yep when they're sleeping in until midday I'll be sat by the pool with a book and a non-alcoholic cocktail enjoying the sun ;)

YourMa, thanks to a 'friend' the entire year now knows I'm pregnant. I have very bad early pregnancy bloating which also gives a suspicious 'baby bump' shape in my dress - although I know it's not a proper bump just yet! I'm 18, everyone is just shocked as I was probably one of the least likely people to end up pregnant if you know what I mean. I've just been ignoring people's texts asking if it's true though as I don't see why my personal life is so important to them.

OP posts:

raisah · 05/07/2013 09:29

That really winds me up, its unfortunately so ingrained in this culture that alcohol equates having a good time. People dont know how to pace themselves & if theres free drink around they will drink the place dry & thats when the rowdy behaviour starts.

The organisers should have taken this into account particularly with it being 6th formers. They should put out jugs of water out on the table for people to have with their meal.

I'd contact them & say that if they dont want a huge bill for the hotel repairs resulting from drunken brawls they had better stagger the drinks & provide soft drinks. They are really stupid for not considering that sixth formers and alcoholic drinks dont mix.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 05/07/2013 09:29

Well its not. When asked just say loudly "Ooh goody! Are we swapping gynaecological stories? How's your fanny? Are you clear of STD's now?"

specialsubject · 05/07/2013 11:00

because it is a kiddy party and therefore they are only going to drink until they vomit, I'm afraid. Those who don't like alcohol or don't want to get plastered aren't considered. The organisers won't have thought of it.

welcome to real life.

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