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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playground politics??

48 replies

HeffalumpTheFlump · 02/07/2013 17:32

I am currently pg with my first child and am already dreading her going to school because of what I have read on here about the playground politics that goes on. Is it really as bad as it's made out? Are there any of you out there who have managed to escape this crap? It sounds like cliquey, bitchy, passive aggressive bullshit that I would absolutely hate. Is it even possible to have your child attend a school without having to deal with all that?

If not wibu to home school my child because it sounds like my absolute worst nightmare??

I live on the same road as a primary school and there has recently been a full on physical fight between some of the mums. They have been warned by the school that if there is a repeat, they will no longer be allowed on school property. Why on earth does it need to be like that? What is it about the school environment that makes these fully grown adults act like high school kids again?

Obviously I'm not a parent yet so if I have got the wrong end of the stick I am happy to be told iabu!

OP posts:
FrenchRuby · 02/07/2013 17:33

My ds's school is nice, all the mums are nice to each other. No fights as far as I know!

SkinnybitchWannabe · 02/07/2013 17:34

No fights at my dc schools either. We act like adults when we're there Smile

fruitpastille · 02/07/2013 17:35

Its nice at our school.There are groups of friends but not deliberately cliquey. If you work you stay out of most of it anyway.

Fakebook · 02/07/2013 17:37

You know I was thinking the same thing the other day! Before dd started school last September I was absolutely petrified about the school playground politics and the alpha mums thanks to MN. Our school is nothing like that! I have met quite a few mums from the older years and they're all normal and down to earth. Most mums and dads tends to keep to their own little group of friends in the playground and at home time.

I really wouldn't worry!

MumnGran · 02/07/2013 17:37

You really don't have to opt in to the politics of it all. Drop off, collect, and don't interact otherwise. I assume you already have friends outside the upcoming school parents for your DCs year, so just continue with those. Making friends/enemies at the school gates is fully avoidable.

That said ...some schools/year groups/parents are lovely. It is absolutely not a reason to home school.

MadeOfStarDust · 02/07/2013 17:37

our school is lovely - I guess some might be cliquey, but to be honest I turn up, chat with anyone there til the door opens, then go home....

ilovexmastime · 02/07/2013 17:40

There is none of this at my DC's school, or if there is, I'm blissfully unaware of it Grin.
When I first started doing the school run I made sure that I said hello to anyone and everyone that I passed and eventually I've made some really good friends. It took at least a year though, I didn't want to come across as needy so I made sure that I spoke to whoever was waiting outside first when I got there, rather than only certain people. Now that I have good friends ( which some might call a clique I guess!!), if I get there and they are not there I will talk to someone else and not abandon them when my 'real' friends arrive, as I think that I wouldn't like to have someone do that to me.
Anyway, I've digressed!

chickenliversfortea · 02/07/2013 17:45

Village primary in affluent area (at least third year 6 go on to private) . All our mums are lovely.
Actually there are one or two that try to be a bit "special" but as everyone else is lovely they never get very far.

Chocotrekkie · 02/07/2013 17:45

Mine is nice - everyone chats (mainly about kids - dont forget they need wellies tomorrow type of chat). Some people/groups are friends so tend to stick together as they have more to chat about but most people just kind of stand together.

HairyGrotter · 02/07/2013 17:46

My DD started school last September, I've managed to avoid speaking to anyone other than teachers since then, and it feels pretty good. I go in, drop off, come home etc.

If someone says hello, I'm polite and say hello back but mainly get on my merry way. Groups have formed, but I have no interest in involving myself much in school, other than to ensure DD is coping and behaving :)

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 02/07/2013 17:49

My DDs are in reception and year 4 and I have encountered nothing but kindness and lovely people. Honestly. It's very nice....I don't make best friends there or anything but the other parents are great.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/07/2013 17:53

I made some really good friends in the playground when the dses were little - it's not just that it doesn't have to be a bad experience - it can actually be a really good one!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and in the nicest possible way, please stop worrying about schools etc - you will deal with them just fine when the time comes, and you have so much good stuff to look forward to, that you should be focussing on that and not letting worries rob you of looking forward to all the wonderful bits of being a mum.

My favourite book for new mums is How Not To Be A Perfect Mother by Libby Purves - itis full of good, practical advice and humour, and says that it is OK not to be a perfect Madonna-mother all the time - sometimes you can have 10 minutes off with a cuppa and a good book!

IfYouLeaveMeNow · 02/07/2013 17:54

I wouldn't worry. You will probably like some, dislike others. But you don't have to hang around in the playground if you don't like it - turn up just before drop off/pick up and leave straight after.

mrsravelstein · 02/07/2013 17:59

ds1 went to 3 different primary schools, ds2 is now at primary school, so i've got experience of 4 schools. some were friendlier than others, but that's mainly down to parents who already knew each other from preschool or nursery. i've never seen any sort of "playground politics". i stay away from the peculiar lady who sent me a an email to ask why i hadn't invited her son to ds2's birthday. i stayed away from the dad at ds1's school who kept hooting me every time he drove past me. other than that, just smile and chat to everyone, it'll work out fine.

Original poster
HeffalumpTheFlump · 02/07/2013 18:00

Glad to hear I may have got quite a one sided view! From some of the threads on here I was starting to think it was a given! I just couldn't quite understand why all these normal mums and dads apparently suddenly regressed into the childish twunts you often read about on here!

OP posts:
Meglet · 02/07/2013 18:06

They aren't all as scary as your one!

Ours is nice, people who have moved into the area have mentioned how the playground is chattier and more relaxed than other schools.

There is one school near me which looks like it has some 'characters' in it though. I usually have a Hmm face when pass.

Seriously, don't worry about it. A lot can change before your DC goes to school.

Boomba · 02/07/2013 18:06

there is NO cliquey shit at our school, at all

some people are friends, some not...everyone is pleasant to each other

Tee2072 · 02/07/2013 18:09

We have none of this at my son's school either.

There was one mum who tried to alpha. We laughed at her collectively.

QueenofallIsee · 02/07/2013 18:23

No issues at our school - certainly never felt out of things or judged so its not par for the course in my experience

Original poster
HeffalumpTheFlump · 02/07/2013 18:27

The thing that made me really wonder about it is the school by me has a really good reputation! It's supposed to be a lovely school so I was really shocked to hear about it. I then thought if it happens there, it must happen everywhere like it seems on mn!!

OP posts:
DeWe · 02/07/2013 18:30

I think if you go expecting to see cliques, you will see them. If you go expecting there to be some parents who are good friends with each other, and some parents who will be as new as you are-and both will be happy to make friends if you are friendly-then you will find them friendly.

aquashiv · 02/07/2013 18:31

Its all quite pleasant and supportive where we are too.

Jimmybob · 02/07/2013 18:40

Ours is fine really and most people are v nice. I think we had a fight once ( a couple of years ago- it was probably v polite!) - and wouln't you know I missed it as I was working that day! But...it was only because one mum was stupid enough to have an affair with another's dh.

FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 18:45

Our school is a bit cliquey, especially DDs class. However I have met some other lovely mums in other year groups, so it's not as bad as it could be! Home schooling just to avoid the shit flinging is a bit drastic though!

FunLovinBunster · 02/07/2013 18:46

Jimmybob...snork.
In one year group there is a coven of blonde mums. Rumour has it they have chucked their keys into the middle of the table on at least one occasion....

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