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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Disturbing other house guests

34 replies

ArabellaBeaumaris · 30/06/2013 18:23

Stayed over at a friend's family home so that we could attend a big garden party there, as we live 200 miles away. About 15 other (young childless!) people ended up crashing, so there were multiple people sleeping in every room apart from the kitchen.

Dd2 had a lie in & got up at 6.35, I took her downstairs so she didn't wake DD1. We stayed in the kitchen, but dd2 doesn't have a mute button or volume control & I know she disturbed people, especially those in the dining room attached. When dd1 woke up & we had breakfasted & dressed we went out to the playground but I was wondering if I should have done more to keep the kids quiet? I could, I suppose, have given them breakfast & got them dressed in the garden.

Was IBU not going to great lengths to avoid disturbing others? DC are 5 & 21m.

OP posts:

LindyHemming · 30/06/2013 18:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ArabellaBeaumaris · 30/06/2013 18:27

No, not to me anyway! Pondered it on the 4 hr drive home. I think I did make all reasonable adjustments but wondered whether others would agree.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 30/06/2013 18:28

Speaking as one who slept on the sofa in my friend's house last week (her 40th, I am neither young nor childless) I was fully aware that I would be disturbed by her young dc in the morning. Sufficiently anaesthetised youngsters are unlikely to notice, and don't have a parent's feeling of responsibility anyway. Don't give it another thought.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 30/06/2013 18:28

Did you have a partner with you? If you did then you really should have taken DD2 out and left DD1 with your partner. It was unsociably early for a sunday morning after a party!!

... it wouldn't have bothered me personally as I'm usually up by 6 and even if I wasn't she's a small child doing what small children do, but I imagine from your description the other guests would probably feel differently!

Original poster

ArabellaBeaumaris · 30/06/2013 18:29

No, it was just me & the two kids, so couldn't divide & conquer.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/06/2013 18:31

Meh, you tried your best.

Justforlaughs · 30/06/2013 18:32

I wouldn't worry about it unless you were asked not to bring DCs and ignored it. I think most people would assume thtat if there are small children in a house, then they will get woken up in the morning. Certainly, anyone who stays here is likely to get woken up either by the noise, or more likely by 3 children jumping on them!

LindyHemming · 30/06/2013 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chesterberry · 30/06/2013 18:42

I don't think it sounds like you were being unreasonable and I don't think people would expect you to go to such lengths as dressing/breakfasting outside to stop your children from making any noise, so long as you weren't encouraging them to be very loud and boisterous and were avoiding rooms where people were actually sleeping.

I have a couple of friends who had children much younger than the rest of our friend group and they would quite often go to parties, kids in tow, and stay over amongst all of the young, childless people. I have been disturbed by their children before (remember one time being woken up in my own house by friend's baby who would not stop crying in the next room after a party at my house) but never once was I resentful of that as friends always did what they could to avoid their children being too noisy. I always thought at least for me it was just that one morning I was being disturbed and not every morning as it was for my friends! And honestly, most times I was easily able to ignore the children and go back to sleep.

Your DD2 probably did disturb some people and no doubt there were some people feeling a bit grumpy about being awoken so early, but I think most people would understand that young children wake up early and there's not much the parents can do about that. I also think it is expected that the morning after a party the kitchen will be used by as they wake up and that there will be some noise coming from the room. As long as you were doing what you could to keep DD1 as quiet as one could expect a toddler to be YWNBU :)

formicadinosaur · 30/06/2013 19:56

Quiet TV watching? Stories? Breakfast?

I have 4 kids. I would consider it rude to wake others though and would avoid doing so. Sleep is so precious in our house.

Roshbegosh · 30/06/2013 20:03

How long were you making noise in the kitchen before DD1 woke up? Was she the only one who got some peace? We're you in a bedroom with DCs and you left it to come down and wake up everyone who had been on floors / couches? Maybe you could have been more considerate but everyone would have expected a rubbish night's sleep anyway after a party where everyone ends up dossed down around the house.

verytellytubby · 30/06/2013 20:08

I would have stayed in the bedroom with a portable DVD player. I'd rather disturb my other child than hungover guests.

Viviennemary · 30/06/2013 20:17

Most people would have expected a bit of peace for longer than 6.35. . I probably would have moaned about the noise. Still that's life and most people realise that little ones can be noisy.

Original poster

ArabellaBeaumaris · 30/06/2013 20:24

We were in the kitchen about 30mins before DD1 came down, my friend's parents came down then too & were pottering about sorting out the aftermath.

Couldn't do telly as people asleep in the living room, don't have a portable DVD player. Didn't stay up in the bedroom & sacrifice DD1's sleep as friend's granny was across the landing from us & walls were thin!

My kids were definitely welcome & our arrangement to stay was long standing. We went down the night before the party.

OP posts:

DoJo · 30/06/2013 20:27

I too would rather have let one child wake the other than disturb guests, but I suppose the noise of two wakeful children would probably have pervaded anyway.

HotCrossPun · 30/06/2013 20:33

Of course YANBU.

You arranged to stay before hand, all the other people just crashed out.

If you fall asleep after a party at somebody's house you know that you aren't going to get the best nights sleep of your life, but that's the price you pay for not having to travel home late/getting free digs for the night.

HotCrossPun · 30/06/2013 20:35

I'm really, really surprised at all the people saying that you should have woken your other child 6:30am so you don't disturb all the drunk/hungover 'guests'.

Original poster

ArabellaBeaumaris · 30/06/2013 20:36

not meaning to drip feed, but just realised that it was the people in the dining room that made the big difference. If they hadn't been there I would have taken in the kids into the dining room - where all the toys were from the previous day - & it's quite sound proofed from the rest of the house (not a traditional layout btw). Those people only stayed over because they had a big row & missed the last train

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 30/06/2013 21:01

You had a long standing arrangement to stay and your friends knew you had kids. Not much you can do if they wake early and you can't expect them to be silent. I am sure the youngsters who were crashing were well able to sleep through anything if they are anything like my kids I really wouldn't give it another thought.

elinorbellowed · 30/06/2013 21:06

Yeah, you're worrying about nothing. If you got them out 45 min after DD2 woke up, then they probably would have gone back to sleep anyway.

Kat101 · 30/06/2013 21:17

Yanbu. I don't suppose they kept the noise down once your kids were in bed for the evening, or in the unlikely event of the adults being awake first thing, would they have crept around so as not to disturb your kids. Doubt it. A bunch of unplanned hungover adults do not have priority over pre planned guests , regardless whether adults or children.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 30/06/2013 21:27

Oh well, if you couldn't divide and conquor then you probably did the best thing, especially if the people she was most likely to have disturbed were the ones who decided to stay at the last minute...

I hate ever waking anyone up - so I don't know what I'd have done. Probably reluctantly woken DD1 & taken them both out, if I didn't think waking her up would wake the whole house.

But I don't think you did anything wrong.

SinisterSal · 30/06/2013 21:33

Nah feck them. You said it first (childish!)
If you flop out in someone's house after a party you can't expect everything to be laid on to suit you.

They may whinge about it but they have every other morning to nurse their hangovers in complete self absorbtion. They'll be fine

PurplePidjin · 30/06/2013 21:45

Did the "young childless" others make efforts not to disturb your sleeping children while they argued and missed their train and upset their hosts' arrangements?

SinisterSal · 30/06/2013 23:16

Good Point PP

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