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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think these are harsh things to say to a 4year old

73 replies

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 26/06/2013 13:32

I'm probably going to be told I'm a wimp but I was a bit taken aback to hear an acquaintance saying to her DD that she was naughty and would be taken away by the police and put in a children's home, do I need to get a grip??

OP posts:
missuswife · 26/06/2013 13:34

YANBU. It is mean and also the child will learn that she's not going to follow through. She needs to set consequences she can enforce.

happystory · 26/06/2013 13:34

Horrible. I heard a 'friend' say this to her ds once, it was about 15 years ago but I have never forgotten it

Quangle · 26/06/2013 13:34

No she does. Shock

missuswife · 26/06/2013 13:35

YANBU. It is mean and also the child will learn that she's not going to follow through. She needs to set consequences she can enforce.

jacks365 · 26/06/2013 13:35

Yanbu. I'm with you on this one I hate it. My daughter is never naughty but sometimes her behaviour is.

TVTonight · 26/06/2013 13:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CreatureRetorts · 26/06/2013 13:37

That's horrible. And lazy scaremongering parenting.

FeckOffCup · 26/06/2013 13:37

YANBU I remember my mum saying to me at about that age that if I didn't stop bickering with my brother she would toss a coin to see which of us was going to the children's home. I totally believed she meant it at the time and it was like a punch in the gut.

phantomnamechanger · 26/06/2013 13:38

Friend is probably repeating the same kind of parenting she had as a child, however, that does not mean it's not very wrong indeed IMO. And yes, when the child is a bit older it gives no meaning to parental punishment and consequence if this obviously is never followed through. While still so young and not really understanding this is in fact just a silly lie, they could well live in fear, and become phobic of policemen and authority figures - who are being shown as the bad guys, when the parent is the bad guy in this case!

TeamEdward · 26/06/2013 13:38

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aderynlas · 26/06/2013 13:39

That's a horrible thing to say to a child. Not a good idea to make them afraid of policemen at such a young age either.

Original poster
1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 26/06/2013 13:39

YY to that jacks365, My first DD is v sensitive and if I said I was sending her away she'd be up all night worrying, I'm a bit wussy though so I wasn't sure about this one!

OP posts:
thebody · 26/06/2013 13:40

I once had a friend who packed a case while her child was weeping saying she was sending him to the naughty boys home.

We almost had a physical fight over it and quarrelled for life.

It's vile and cruel.

UptoapointLordCopper · 26/06/2013 13:40

TeamEdward but that's the truth. Driver responsible for minors wearing seatbelts.

cozietoesie · 26/06/2013 13:42

My Mum said that to me more or less when we passed the local 'secure school' - as it was then. I never forgave her.

Doedeer · 26/06/2013 13:42

No, it's a horrible thing to say.

It was DM's favourite threat and I believe it has contributed to my feeling of being disposable to everyone. Until DD was born I had the same recurring dream that DH left me and my family disowned me and I genuinely think it was due to DM's attitude towards me.

Now DD is here I barely give 2 shits about anything as long as she's ok.

Original poster
1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 26/06/2013 13:42

That's fair enough though TeamEdward as that is not a lie

OP posts:
Original poster
1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 26/06/2013 13:43

God thebody that's awful, the person that said it seems to pride herself on no nonsense parenting

OP posts:
TeamEdward · 26/06/2013 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nenevomito · 26/06/2013 13:45

Totally. I always tell mine I'm going to take them back to the hospital. At least they understand what one of those is.

Justforlaughs · 26/06/2013 13:45

YANBU, I get so annoyed with parents who threaten things that they have no intention of following through. Even when they say things like "if you don't behave I'm going to take you home", but to threaten a child with being sent away is cruel, and to make a child afraid of police is, imo, irresponsible. If my child ever got lost or was in trouble, and for some reason I wasn't there/ couldn't help, I want them to know that they can turn to the police for help, not be afraid that they will be spirited away from me. Some people really are stupid - and i don't say that lightly Sad

imnotmymum · 26/06/2013 13:45

I do threaten the dog frequently with Battersea dogs home...not the kids though.
I have said the seatbelt thing too ...

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 26/06/2013 13:48

Maybe she was worn down to the bone....am sure we all say things ocassionally we don't actually mean.

I once threatened to leave DS is tesco.....I actually meant it at the time but luckily my dad was there as well to talk sense into me :)

Jacksterbear · 26/06/2013 13:52

In desperation I once told ds that he had to go to school or the police would come and put mummy in prison. I know now that I couldn't really have said anything worse to a small child whose school refusal was caused by massive anxiety. Sad Angry

Original poster
1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 26/06/2013 13:52

She was laughing about it afterwards. Every little helps!

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