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AIBU?

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Original poster

Bed time routines for 4 week old

26 replies

boardingschoolbaby · 21/06/2013 11:59

Our first baby is now 4 weeks old, I just keep him with us downstairs on an evening. He feeds about 7, then again about 10, or 10.30. Over the last week he has had quite a bit if discomfort with his stomach.(I had very strong AB's for mastitis) so we have added a bath in before his 10pm feed to try to sooth him and he has infacol before each feed until this settles (he is ebf). Our HV and my mil both think I am wrong to keep him with us and that after his 7pm feed he should be up in his Moses basket in our room rather than with us and that this is why he is struggling to settle as he is listening to us talking or hearing the dogs move about or the tv rather than settling to sleep. I thought that there was no point trying to impose a strict routine on him so young and that if he is uncomfortable then the best place is surely with us to reassure him? Have I got this totally wrong and I am actually the cause of his upset?

OP posts:
Panzee · 21/06/2013 12:01

No no no. You are right. Baby should be sleeping where you are to help reduce SIDS risk.

scortja · 21/06/2013 12:01

You're right, they wrong.

Next!

curlew · 21/06/2013 12:02

Nope. You're right, they are wrong.

Do what you feel is right- and if you need to lie to shut the HV or MIL up, then go ahead!

Vicbic · 21/06/2013 12:03

Ignore them! I did the same as you with both of mine and they are now very good sleepers.

Airwalk79 · 21/06/2013 12:04

Your mil had her turn with her kids!
Health visitors are famous for talking crap!
This is your baby and your turn, enjoy every minute, and do what feels right for you.

nilbyname · 21/06/2013 12:05

x- posted with everyone!

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 21/06/2013 12:08

You are completely right. 4 week olds don't know about bedtime.

iwillsleepagainsomeday · 21/06/2013 12:09

Baby should stay with you for safety reasons (sids)

He will also be assured by your background noises rather than all alone in total dark silence.

My 6mo still stays downstairs until I go to bed. Saves a lot on crying and going up and downstairs between his supposed bedtime and mine. I can actually watch something on telly this way.

It's dc3 so I am confident it will work out fine as with the first 2.

Your hv should give correct advice. She got her facts wrong. Never mind yr bil.Angry

Chunderella · 21/06/2013 12:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
boardingschoolbaby · 21/06/2013 12:11

Thank you- I think I just needed some reassurance. Will stick with what we are doing.

OP posts:
thebody · 21/06/2013 12:12

IGNORE THEM... Your baby your rules. Start ad you mean to go on chick.

thebody · 21/06/2013 12:13

On and your HV is crap.

iwillsleepagainsomeday · 21/06/2013 12:14

Mil sorry

Be aware that your mil comes from a generation where babys were told not to be heard. My own parents can't get to grips that my baby is

  1. Still bf
  2. Has no established feeding hours
  3. Does not sleep through the night
  4. Is not allowed to cry himself to sleep
  5. Still hasn't started fully weaning (about to start this week probably)

Hiwever being it dc3 they know that's the way I do it and it didn't mess up dc1 and dc2 Smile

WorraLiberty · 21/06/2013 12:15

YANBU

Those sounds can be very comforting to a baby.

It's human nature to want to be close. I doubt cave women/men stuck their babies in a separate cave.

farewellfigure · 21/06/2013 12:16

Your house, your baby, your rules. DS stayed downstairs until he was 8 weeks old then went up as he was settling quite well and we quite fancied having our lounge back without the massive pram in it. Up to you when you do it. No-one else. Oh and the tv won't be disturbing him.

anonaibu · 21/06/2013 12:18

My two had a feed at 7pm, then slept downstairs till 10, when I'd move them upstairs, give them a last feed and settle myself down for the night as well. That routine lasted till they were 3 months, at which stage they went up at 7 with the monitor on.

It's none of their business, do your own thing and ignore them.

Nightfall1983 · 21/06/2013 12:23

What?! Ignore MIL, she is probably just trying to help but things do change. The HV on the other hand I would consider reporting, as well as undermining a new mother what she is suggesting is totally contrary to the SIDS guidelines - baby should stay with you till 6 months.

farewellfigure · 21/06/2013 12:26

Oh, and for the first week that I started putting him upstairs on his own, I came down and cried to myself for half an hour. He may have been ready to go up and settle on his own, but I certainly wasn't!

babyhmummy01 · 21/06/2013 12:33

irrespective of what the HCP's say or well meaning relatives think, do you think you are doing the right thing?

If yes then carry on and politely tell them that you appreciate your advice but you are going to continue with what you are doing

If no then give their suggestion a whirl and see how it goes

neunundneunzigluftballons · 21/06/2013 12:48

yep you are right they are wrong.

boardingschoolbaby 1
Healthvisitor and MIL 0

just as well you are mummy

HazleNutt · 21/06/2013 12:53

Due to SIDS it is recommended that babies should always sleep in the same room where you are, even for daytime naps.

WinLipFry · 21/06/2013 13:04

The point is he/she is your baby and you can parent however you like. We personally started our DD in a bedtime routine from 2 weeks, upstairs after bath at 7, and she sleeps like a dream, self settles etc and is so hapy and content, so i have no doubts that it was the right thing for us. However, not everyone chooses to do that, and I totally respect everyone else's parenting choices (within reason!!) Your HV and Mil are offering advice based on their parenting choices, but you are totally right to go with your own preferences and choices, not theirs.

raisah · 21/06/2013 13:28

Keep him with you so that you can see if he needs help or comfort. My ds had bad reflux so it helped if he was upright after a feed for about 20 mins. Either propped up by a pillow or in his bouncy chair but your ds is too young so hold him up until he settles.
If you took their advice you would disturb him all the time by checking up on him every 5 mins so he is better off with you anyway.

mumofweeboys · 21/06/2013 14:30

Do whats right for you. My youngest is 7 wks and I feed him to sleep (ebf) in the bedroom then put him in his cot by 7pm. This works for me as have two other wee boys to put to bed (their noise wakes baby up if he isnt in the bedroom).

My first I kept downstairs with me in his moses basket in a darkened sittingroom.

As said if your happy downstairs then carry on with that. I wouldnt be bathing so late as your trying to encourage sleep and let him/her know its night - bit like u or me going to bed at 10 and getting up for a bath at midnight.

mumofweeboys · 21/06/2013 14:33

Also try taking some acidophilus bifidus tablets from holland and barrett - help counter act neg stomach affects of anti b's