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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to looking after DD's friend tonight?

39 replies

thefuturesnotourstosee · 20/06/2013 16:43

Feeling slightly guilty but can't decide if IABU...

DDs friend's mum phoned me in a bit of a panic at 1pm saying she desperately needed someone to look after her dd tonight as her husband was working late and she was on late shift.

She wanted me to get her from school with dd and then her husband was going to pick her up at 5.30pm.

Last time I agreed to this it was 7.30pm before she was picked up and despite me phoning my calls were just being dropped. I never got an apology either. I have heard similar stories from other parents about the same child.

I've just had a text saying no one could do it so she's had to take unpaid time off work.

AIBU to have told her no?

OP posts:
LastTangoInDevonshire · 20/06/2013 16:45

I think you should have given her another chance and THEN made a judgement call.

cansu · 20/06/2013 16:45

No I don't think so. I think she is a bit cheeky texting you to tell you that she had to take unpaid leave. That's not really your problem.

Leeds2 · 20/06/2013 16:48

I don't think YABU. If someone told me they would collect at 5:30, and didn't turn up till 7:30 without ringing to ask if this was OK, or at least apologising when they eventually turned up, I don't think I would look after their child either. Seems like your friends are of the same opinion if she was unable to find anyone to help!

Ignore her text. She is just trying to make you feel guilty so that you will say "yes" next time she asks.

fuzzywuzzy · 20/06/2013 16:48

Well that's what happens when you take liberties with other people's kindness.

YANBU

WeleaseWodger · 20/06/2013 16:55

I would put her in her place and reply that you don't appreciate her attempts to make you feel bad in her last text. Especially as last time you did do her a favour, she was 2 hrs late, wouldn't answer your calls and failed to say a simple sorry. And would add, After your last text, in the future my answer will now always be a "no."

BoysAreLikeDogs · 20/06/2013 16:58

Just ignore the bleating.

Yanbu.

ENormaSnob · 20/06/2013 16:58

Yanbu at all

pinkyredrose · 20/06/2013 16:59

Her childcare isn't your problem, her and her DH sound like total pisstakers.

AlistairSim · 20/06/2013 17:00

YANBU.

Just reply with Fuzzy's post.

Fakebook · 20/06/2013 17:01

Yanbu. Her not having emergency childcare sorted is her fault, not yours.

Turniptwirl · 20/06/2013 17:02

Surely she would've known in advance what shifts she and her dh were on? When I worked shifts in a shop it was all posted a week in advance. I know sometimes you might be asked to change or cover for someone but just say no if it would cause child are issues?

I probably would've given one more chance but I don't think it's unreasonable not to, especially given the short notice. Plus, having had a guilt trip text I would be more likely to say no the next time!

LadyBryan · 20/06/2013 17:04

YANBU

She was being unreasonable to text you that she had to take unpaid leave.

SuperiorCat · 20/06/2013 17:06

If you send a text saying what welease or fuzzy say I will send you a weeks worth of chocolate. Fantastic responses

Concreteblonde · 20/06/2013 17:09

Would it affect you and your family badly if you did help her out ? If it disrupts you in any way then fair enough. But to be honest, I'd have given her the help this time with the strict proviso that her DD will need to be picked up at 5.30 as you have other plans etc.
I kind of thought that these sort of things are what makes people friends.

pinkyredrose · 20/06/2013 17:12

concrete friends help each other out. Friends do not take advantage. Can you tell the difference?

MerylStrop · 20/06/2013 17:15

I would have done it
Knowing my friends would do same for me
And I wouldn't have been that fussed about a 7.30 pickup
She sounds a bit disorganised, either that or her husband is a bit of an arse and doesn't support her working (reads between lines)
YANBU though if you didn't want to

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/06/2013 17:15

YANBU

And clearly she has burnt all her bridges because no-one was prepared to do it. It is all her own fault.

This is the kind of person who is always moaning that the world is against them without ever pausing to think that their behaviour might be causing it!

NotSoNervous · 20/06/2013 17:15

YANBU and ignore the text there was need for her to send that you but she wanted you to feel bad

Concreteblonde · 20/06/2013 17:16

I have lots of friends. We help each other out lots. Sometimes somebody gets held up, or wires get crossed about pick up times. We still help each other out.
Do you have many friends Pinky ? Wink

missnevermind · 20/06/2013 17:18

You could send a text with a smiley face and say you are glad it was so easily sorted.

fubbsy · 20/06/2013 17:20

My understanding is that the children are friends, but the OP is not friends with the other mum.

YANBU the guilt-trip text only confirms your instincts.

ChaoticTranquility · 20/06/2013 17:27

Last time I agreed to this it was 7.30pm before she was picked up and despite me phoning my calls were just being dropped. I never got an apology either. I have heard similar stories from other parents about the same child.

^^This and the fact that no one is willing to do it this time speaks volumes.

The fact that she sent you a guilt trippy text just compounds that these people are piss takers.

YANBU

SoleSource · 20/06/2013 17:27

Having lots of 'friends' means fuck all

yanbu

I think she took the piss, fuck her

pinkyredrose · 20/06/2013 17:34

concrete I have plenty of friends thank you. We help each other out, we do not take the piss. Your comment was slightly passive aggressive did you mean it to be?

BrianTheMole · 20/06/2013 17:38

I probably would have helped her out and asked her to make sure she collected on time. But a 7.30 pick up wouldn't bother me anyway.

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