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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After quick answers please, I know it's wrong area but Mumsnet never lets me down..

33 replies

JeeanieYuss · 18/06/2013 23:51

Ok , so briefly a rumour has been started at my daughters school (yr5/6)
, this thing did used to be true however hasn't been for years and am so angry my daughter has been subjected to it.

Can I see a solicitor as this one Mum is basically slandering me, will i get legal aid (am single parent atm, not working as have no childcare and am starting college in Sept, so please no judgyness) : )

I am so angry , but I want it dealt with the correct way. Am meeting with teachers to see what they say but I basically want this stopped in it's tracks and if a scary letter from solic can help I will do it.

Hope this makes sense, an typing quickly amd am exhausted, so need my bed, so good night.... And thankyou 'Oh wise MN'ers Grin

OP posts:
PunkHedgehog · 18/06/2013 23:53

No, I'm pretty certain you won't get legal aid for slander/libel.

squeakytoy · 18/06/2013 23:54

might be tricky, if it was true at one time.. suppose it depends what it is..

SpooMoo · 18/06/2013 23:56

Very unlikely you'd get legal aid or legal representation in general really, if it's just idle playground chitchat. Meeting the teachers is a good idea, make sure not to blow things out of proportion, these things always pass!

Blessyou · 18/06/2013 23:56

No legal aid, but the fee for one letter may not be too high.

Original poster
JeeanieYuss · 18/06/2013 23:57

Ok, I had drug problems years ago, none for years though, I am now respectable lol, this has now been said to my daughter in her class as some other parent has enlightened her lil darling to this information and now it's spreading : (

OP posts:
Original poster
JeeanieYuss · 18/06/2013 23:59

Roughly any ideas for how much a letter would cost?

It's a middle class school im so embarressed, more so for my kids there!

OP posts:
apostropheuse · 19/06/2013 00:03

Did the person say you are currently using illicit drugs or that you previously used them?

Alisvolatpropiis · 19/06/2013 00:03

For a privately paid letter from a solicitor it could easily be £60 as a starting point.

I can understand you would prefer legal aid but the nature of issue takes you into an area of law that doesn't tend to provide legal aid.

If it's just a one off letter you want then it could well be money well spent though?

RiotsNotDiets · 19/06/2013 00:05

Oh dear. I can see why you're upset.

I'd try and ignore it, reassuring DD and playing it down, but making sure she knows to tell you if anything is said to her. Hopefully if neither of you rise to it, the mother and daughter should get bored of it and it'll pass.

You know how on here people say "don't feed the trolls"? Bullies soon get bored if their tactics don't actually bother their target. It rests on how good a poker face you have!

babyhmummy01 · 19/06/2013 00:05

if it is true then its not slander or libel I am afraid so I am not sure there is a lot legally you can do. it may possible inflame the situation.

the best bet might be just to sit your kids down and explain the facts to them so that they are hearing it from you rather than anyone else and then calmly speak to the school and see if they can intervene with the parent and ask that this is not repeated further but I suspect this won't happen.

its not a nice thing to have happen, but I am not sure that you can do a huge amount about it sorry

DumSpiroSpero · 19/06/2013 00:07

Call round a few local solicitors that do litigation and see if anyone can give you a free half hour of advice.

You should then be able to draft a letter requesting that the matter is not bought up again, and getting in a mention of the fact that you have sought legal advice from Ms X at ABC Law Firm.

Copy this to the parent concerned and the school, and I suspect it will put the shits up them sufficiently for you to have to take any actual, paid for legal action.

I've done similar over an employment matter just using the legal advice helpline service included in an insurance policy - managed to get the money I was owed by return!

Good luck.

DumSpiroSpero · 19/06/2013 00:14

I believe technically what you are dealing with is 'public disclosure of private information' which is a privacy rather than a defamation issue, unless someone is falsely claiming that you still have issues with drugs.

HerrenaHarridan · 19/06/2013 00:19

Arm your children with the truth.

They are defenceless behind a wall of lies.

Be honest, frank and age appropriate with them.

You have done an amazing thing getting off drugs, why are you ashamed!?!

Everyone has skeletons in their closet, snidey bitch probably more than most.

BeanoNoir · 19/06/2013 00:21

I don't know if this is what you want to hear but I don't think you should be embarrassed or ashamed or try to cover up the fact that you had a drug problem in the past. I think that the fact you have overcome this says something positive, not negative about you and you may actually be better placed to give both your own and other people's children good advice about steering clear/being responsible when they get older.

I know it must seem really difficult but personally I think it would be much stronger for your dc to be able to tell people 'yes, you're right, my mum did have a problem in the past, as lots of people do because drugs are addictive, but she worked really hard to build herself back up and it's not an issue anymore and I'm really proud of her,' than to try and avoid any questions about it. It sort of takes the power away from people who are trying to use it against you iyswim.

On the other hand I am aware I could just be extremely naive and acting like life is a lovely feel good film. Ultimately it should be your choice as to whether personal information about yourself such as this becomes public. Unfortunately I'm not sure what you could do to try and keep it quiet. Would a meeting at the school with the other parent who has told others help if teachers were also present?

HerrenaHarridan · 19/06/2013 00:27

If its out its out, there is no putting the lid back on Pandora's box.

Don't let it be a weapon.

HarrietSchulenberg · 19/06/2013 00:40

The CAB can advise you. In the meantime, speak to school as they can do wonders with a well planned assembly on the dangers of spreading rumours (arming the kids to target the parentsGrin ).

If you know for sure, and I mean SURE, who started these rumours I think a smiley little chat about how you'd appreciate her help in respecting your privacy and how we all have skeletons in closed closets.

Original poster
JeeanieYuss · 19/06/2013 00:51

She is saying I am still using, so it's not true as it's been years. Luckily my eldest knows as I wasn't the best mum at the start of her life and I have explained things.
I lost my mum to cancer at 16 and then lost my 1st daughter when she,was 3 months old, a year and a half later. So two major deaths before I was even 18.
Amongst other equally crap stuff happening, this is y I used. My life is totally diff so for this to come up has devastated me and it is lies as I am not a user anymore, thank god x

OP posts:
Original poster
JeeanieYuss · 19/06/2013 00:53

Its not private knowledge and am v.proud, dont care about me, just the school and kids and that shes saying I still am, am in bed will reply better tommorow, thanks though everyone :)

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 19/06/2013 01:12

Offer to go in and do a talk at assembly. Hmm

Tequilatequila · 19/06/2013 02:45

I hope you dont get legal aid. Thats not what its there for in the slightest. You dont need any help.. you need to take responsibility for past mistakes.

bragmatic · 19/06/2013 03:21

I don't see how quietly accepting someone telling lies about you is taking responsibility for past mistakes?

Give the school a chance to deal with it. If that doesn't work, perhaps you could draft a letter to the gossip monger yourself. I wouldn't threaten legal action. Simply ask politely that she stop discussing your past mistakes or fabricating present ones, because even though you don't give a shit about this person's opinion of you (stated more diplomatically, of course) it is affecting the emotional wellbeing of your daughter and it needs to stop.

livingdownunder · 19/06/2013 04:02

What a horrible vindctive thing to do. We all have a past and our experiences make us who we are today, she'd be wise to keep her uninformed nose out. You sound like you've overcome some very difficult times. I'd go and speak to the school and have them speak with her if that's possible.
Good luck op.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 19/06/2013 04:54

What a nasty spiteful woman.

However, it is out there and there's no way of putting the cat back in the bag - so if I were you, I would ask the school if they would like you to talk to the assemby :) Provided your DC wont die of mortification - they might even be very proud of you.

You have done nothing to be ashamed of. You were a child who lost her Mum and her baby :(

NoRainNoRainbow · 19/06/2013 05:18

Hopefully the other mums will see through this mums shit stirring and gossiping.

Go in with your head held high, it will blow over.

Tell your DD the truth, then let it go. IMO running around talking about slander and losing your rag will give her bullets to shot you with. Ignore ignore ignore, she'll find someone else to bitch about.

HollyBerryBush · 19/06/2013 06:09

Slander and Libel are bother civil law not criminal, therefore you are not going to get legal aid.

Some bright spark once said libel/slander cases are the province of the rich who have far too much money and far too much time on their hands.