To not be sure what to do

[1Veryhungrycaterpillar]

So, it's my best friends hen night tonight (I organised it) now she's just found out that her FIL is extremely ill possibly terminal and now I don't know if all the willies etc will make her feel bad or if they'll be just the tonic she needs. I don't want to makelight of the matter so should I pack away the willy straws or not, help!

Y d

Bloody phone! Sorry!
Y don't you ask her? That way you can always tone it down if she's not up to it.

I'd have a chat with her to see what she feels up to

I think I'd better check, I know it sounds odd but I don't want her to think that I feel like she should be toning it down, does that make sense? I

Yeah I can understand that - I would just phrase it as - I just wanted to check that you are okay with everything going ahead as planned as I didn't want to stress you out/upset you if you couldn't quite face it although you might want a full on night out to take your mind off of it.

So then either way both is a totally acceptable answer for her to say without feeling bad about wanting it to be full on

Yes, ask her.

Just speak to her.

In general willies do not make me think of my FIL so it's not as if they will particularly remind me of the situation.

If she is a willies-and-L-plates kind of bride then getting rid of those things might make her feel worse, a she'll be constantly reminded that you are being deliberately more serous than you would be normally.