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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

radar key-what else was I meant to do???

71 replies

ariane5 · 25/05/2013 20:48

All 4 dcs have disabilities and ds1 has a radar key.

Went out this morning and he needed the toilet so used the key, while we were in there (it is a baby change too) I changed the baby and dd2 and dd1 also used the toilet. We were probably about 10 mins.

Came out to a very annoyed couple who demanded to know why we had been so long. Tried to explain but they were adamant that ALL the dcs shouldn't have used the facilities if only one had a radar key.
Tried to explain that yes its in ds1 name but technically ALL of dcs could have one.

We were as quick as we could have been but they were extremely annoyed.
In the end I told them I wasn't going to justify myself to them anymore and if they had really been that desperate to use the facilities they wouldn't be standing around having a go at me.

WIBU to have let all dcs use the toilet/changing facilities?

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/05/2013 20:50

Yanbu.

Dannilion · 25/05/2013 20:51

Yandu. Ignore them. Some old people just love to moan.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 25/05/2013 20:51

Of course not. How rude!

Brew sounds like a hard day.

BreasticlesNTesticles · 25/05/2013 20:51

YADNBU

ByTheWishingWell · 25/05/2013 20:52

Not at all.

I think they WBVU to have a go at a mum with 4 disabled DCs for letting her DCs use the toilet. Ridiculous.

noblegiraffe · 25/05/2013 20:55

If there's a baby change in there then presumably babies don't have keys and it's for family use?

Original poster
ariane5 · 25/05/2013 20:56

I really was as quick as I could be, seems like virtually every time we manage to get out something goes wrong Sad

It just puts me off, I'm sick of the 'looks' when we use the blue badge and now this as well.

OP posts:
frownyface · 25/05/2013 20:56

ariane, they were BU.

Some people are very rude and not very understanding.

Dont let it worry you :)

frownyface · 25/05/2013 20:57

i get the same re. blue badge-screw them!! please dont let these small minded people upset you

Original poster
ariane5 · 25/05/2013 20:58

I think if you don't have a key and want to use the changing facilities you have to go to reception and request their key.

I really was trying to be quick. They didn't knock on the door or really give me much of a chance, just pounced when we came out it was a bit much how irate they were, and clearly not that desperate as could argue first!

OP posts:
OryxCrake · 25/05/2013 20:58

You were not being unreasonable at all!

(Um, Danillion, where did the op say they were old? Yes, the waiting couple were in the wrong but there's too much older-people bashing on here...)

Original poster
ariane5 · 25/05/2013 21:02

I didn't specify their age in my op but yes, they were elderly.

Tbh though I've had comments in equal amounts from both young and old, seems like a lot of people regardless of age are rude!

OP posts:
Sidge · 25/05/2013 21:02

YANBU.

Hell my DD2 is disabled and takes about 10 minutes to toilet, regardless of whether my other children and I use the loo too!

They were very rude; FGS it's a DISABLED toilet, it's not beyond the realms of possibility that the person in it might not be in and out quickly Hmm

Kormachameleon · 25/05/2013 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noblegiraffe · 25/05/2013 21:04

Well you had a baby and a key so you had a double right to be in there.

If I had requested a key for the baby change from reception, there's no way I wouldn't have let my other DC have a wee at the same time. They were just being narky at having to wait for a wee.

frownyface · 25/05/2013 21:07

hold your head up high, raising four kids is tough without the added responsibility of looking after children with disabilities.

You are parking in the right place, and you are using the radar key exactly as you should so dont let people get to you :)

Original poster
ariane5 · 25/05/2013 21:08

I thought I was the expert at quick nappy changes but obviously not quick enough! I think what upset me most was the way they did the 'shouldn't you be ashamed looking us up and down to try and work out what was wrong with dcs look'

We get that a lot when use blue badge as with the younger 2 in a double buggy and ds1 sometimes in pushchair/sometimes walking and dd1 people do stare and it really annoys me.
The m+s car park where we live is the worst place on earth for this-the amount of comments we have had there is horrendous Sad Try to avoid it now, even in the shop we would get tutted at if somebody wanted to get past.

Sometimes I feel like the effort put in to go out with dcs just isn't worth it.

OP posts:
OryxCrake · 25/05/2013 21:20

I know it's easier said than done (have a dc with autism) but try not to let the rude, staring, tutting, ignorant sods get you down.

I think people who do this have no idea how undermining it is. Or don't care. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Hang in there - you sound like a lovely mum. I used to be tempted not to go places with my kids as dc1 attracted a lot of negative attention but try to bear in mind that there are loads of people out there who think like the people on this thread.

50shadesofbrown · 25/05/2013 21:24

Both supermarkets where I live have the baby change table in the disabled loo. The normal loos are too small to take a pushchair in. If I need to change DD while I'm there, I use the disabled, I also have to use the disabled if I need the loo as there is nowhere safe to leave my one year old DD while I use the normal loos. I'm not disabled but I have bowel problems so waiting 40 minutes until I have walked home, isn't always possible. No-one has ever said anything nasty to me (yet).

Soupa · 25/05/2013 21:27

Arses, really huge bastards. Don't let it chip away at your confidence, you are marvellous and can take as long as you want in the toilet or anywhere else.

Sounds like you really need a spare pair of hands sometimes, can you get a volunteer from homestRt or similar? You could practise your hard stares on each other before going out. Honestly though they are awful people don't let them keep you in. Am so sorry there is not better support in so many ways.

Iggi101 · 25/05/2013 21:27

Please don't let these attitudes put you off going out with your family. Think about all the "silent" people you also pass by, who aren't saying anything/or looking askance at you. Most of them will have the attitudes of supportive mumsnetters, if only you knew. You could have passed me in a shop a million times and you wouldn't know how brave I think you are and how I'd stand up for you and your dcs in a hearbeat. It's only the ones with an axe to grind who speak out, unfortunately.

Original poster
ariane5 · 25/05/2013 21:36

Thankyou for so many lovely responses, I feel a bit less defeated now. Earlier in the day I had decided I'd never go out again (a bit like the time I gave up using buses as got fed up of having to justify dcs needing a seat).

Think I just need to forget about todays incident and hopefully next time we manage to go out things will go smoothly.
I rarely venture out just me and dcs it is much easier with dh. I did have a lovely homestart volunteer who helped us get to dd2 nursery/shops etc but our local homestart shut due to losing funding from the council so I only saw her 5 times, such a shame.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 25/05/2013 21:40

YOU know you did nothing you shouldn't have so they can go take a running jump.
You have no need to justify how long it takes your DC to go to the toilet.
Rude, rude, rude.
Keep doing what you're doing.

Sunnywithshowers · 25/05/2013 21:43

YANBU. They were being horrible to you.

Flowers
Finola1step · 25/05/2013 21:44

Some people are just really unpleasant. Please don't let it spoil your day.

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