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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be terrified of full time nursery?

30 replies

cherhorowitz · 23/05/2013 14:21

So I found out I have a full time job today which is absolutely brilliant news and I am chuffed. I visited the nursery where DD2 (2 yo) will be staying from 8:30am - 5:30pm today and while it's brilliant, the staff seem friendly and it does seem like a 'Home away from home' environment I am terrified.

Myself or DP never not been with DD2. When one of us is out or he's working the other is with her. DD1 is 5 and is in reception but will be going from school to the same nursery until 5:30 too. I feel that DD1 will be fine with it as she just loves to be active and occupied but DD2 is tugging at my heartstrings. She loves other children, playing etc but it's a very long time for her to be away from me.

Tell me IABU. Tell me the great things about private nurseries. I feel like crying although this job is my perfect career job and I couldn't be happier about it. I am so conflicted.

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 23/05/2013 14:28

YANBU and YABU... :) If you're nervous about leaving your toddler there all day, talk to the staff and tell them your misgivings. Some children (and parents) like to be eased into the process, others take to it like ducks to water and the whole point of the nursery is to make you and your child happy with their care. So speak up and let them reassure you.

mrsseed · 23/05/2013 14:31

Cant lie, it will be hard at first, but more for you than dd. Give it a short time and it will be fine, they will find their favourite grown up and favourite friends and will be happy.
I have had both mine in full time nursery and both are well adjusted tolerant happy kids. Honestly dont be terrified. There will come a time when you go to pick up that they dont want to come home!

greenolive · 23/05/2013 14:35

Congratulations on the job. Well done! Start with visiting sessions and build up the time gradually. Your daughter will love it and the staff will get to know her really well. I felt the same as you but my wee girl loves going to the nursery and has formed a really nice bond with the staff :)

Original poster

cherhorowitz · 23/05/2013 14:41

She did play for an hour today while I was shown around and DD and DP will come next week to view and she can have another play though so all is not lost.

The staff seem lovely and there's a group of 7 toddlers Mon-Fri. They really put my mind at ease while I was there but I came, looked at her little face and realised how difficult this will be for us.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 23/05/2013 14:44

If she's always had one of you at home, then going straight into 9 hours of nursery care could be difficult for all of you.

But it's nothing that can't be sorted in the long run.

If it doesn't work out, do you have any child minders in your area?

Original poster

cherhorowitz · 23/05/2013 14:46

I don't know how to find out. Websites like childcare.co.uk ask for payment to contact the childminders.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 23/05/2013 14:47

How about your local council website?

FrenchJunebug · 23/05/2013 14:58

my ds is at nursery from 8.30 to 6 and loves it. Often he doesn't want to leave. It's hard but all nurseries have a week adjustment period when you leave your little one for an hour, then a bit longer the next day, etc. It's more for the parents than for the DC...

fairylightsinthespring · 23/05/2013 15:02

for c/m try the local council. just google "whatevercouncil childminders" ad you should find it. I found our fab CM that way. The pros are that they are in a home environment and there may be more flexibiity, the downsides are that she is just one person, so if she's ill, or one of her kids is, she can't have ours and one of us has to take time off at basically no notice.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 23/05/2013 15:06

Congrats on the job.

I had a bit of a wobble when my dd first started nursery (she started about 2 months ago, is 2 and three months old and was normally cared for by her grandma).

She only goes 1 day a week and did get upset the first few times I dropped her off. Now she is completely happy there. My best advice is a bit heartless - drop and run. She got more upset the longer the goodbye was.

Best of luck.

calmingtea · 23/05/2013 16:48

Google 'family information service' and the area you are in, for a list of childminders and other childcare registered with the council.

DuelingFanjo · 23/05/2013 16:56

Like others have said - it is hard at first. It does get better though.

Lonecatwithkitten · 23/05/2013 16:57

Childminders weren't for me. DD went to nursery full time from 12weeks she loved it from the word go. I dropped her and got in the car and bawled my eyes out. 9 years on it was so the right decision for her and me.

Original poster

cherhorowitz · 23/05/2013 19:34

I found a nursery that will both take eldest DD and pick her up from school. Why did nobody say that childcare costs £14k a bloody year?!

OP posts:

ohnosnow · 23/05/2013 20:11

I work in a nursery.

The first few weeks maybe hard as you all adjust to your new routine, but before long you will be collecting your dd and she won't want to come home as there will be so much too do.

Please remember nursery staff love children that's why we go into it. (Well it's definitely not for the money) and they will care for and nurture your child when you can't be there.

Congratulations and good luck in your new job

Karoleann · 23/05/2013 21:11

Personally I think full time nursery is too much, I think children need a bit of time at home too especially after being at school all day. Could you get a nanny or childminder one/two days a week so they're having a bit of a rest.
Having to do reading or other homework at 6pm when you get home every day will be difficult for your little one.

pointythings · 23/05/2013 21:13

I suspect adjusting to nursery will be harder at two than for a younger child, but it will happen. I'd recommend a settling in week before you actually start work though, if you can afford it, and do the 'a little bit longer each day' thing.

FWIW mine were in nursery from 6 months (this was before the long paid mat leave you get now) and they have absolutely thrived.

pointythings · 23/05/2013 21:15

Oh, and my DDs were in an after school club too, once they were of school age, and coped perfectly well with homework and reading in the evening. They can handle the long days. The one thing I would say is that you will have to forget about having any time for yourself until they are in bed. But that's being a parent for you...

scottishmummy · 23/05/2013 21:21

you need to get a grip quickly,before the nursery nay Sayers pollute your mind
congratulations on job,your kids will be fine if you've picked a good nursery
you need to be able to compartmentalise work and nursery. it's no biggie you just do it

scottishmummy · 23/05/2013 21:25

quite frankly I wouldn't bother asking folk who don't use ft nursery their pov on ft nursery

pointythings · 23/05/2013 21:29

What scottishmummy said. A good nursery is fabulous for children. They get a range of toys and activities you couldn't do at home even with the best will in the world and a ton of money, they make friends, they learn whilst playing... My DDs came out of nursery so ready for school that they settled in without any effort whatsoever.

HopALongMcLimpyLegs · 23/05/2013 22:00

I love our nursery. DS is so happy, he's only been upset once, and by the time I had walked round to the front of the building, his key worker had stuck her head out the window to say he was fine now and off playing. Some children find it a much harder transition, but I do think it is 100x worse for the parent. You learn to just put your work head on, and if you trust that the staff are lovely and looking after them well, then it gets easier every day until it's just a normal thing that you do Mon-Fri. CM was just not for me, but it works for some people.

Also, do not be worried about calling to check she is OK. I called so much when DS first started going, and was always apologising for it, but a good nursery will help you through it and not make you feel bad for checking up on your child if you need to.

Congrats on the new job!

cardibach · 23/05/2013 22:06

DD loved full time nursery, and at 17 is well adjusted, happy and a joy to be around. If you are happy with the nursery, I am sure it will be fine. I'm not really sure why a childminder is being suggested as an alternative when your worry is your DC being away from you - she would be at a CM too

choceyes · 23/05/2013 22:19

Personally for me, full time nursery is too much. But I'm not in a job I absolutely adore, so going part time was an easy decision for me.
I started full time after DC1 (although not fully FT as finished at 3.30pm), but after a month I begged work to let me go part time, 4 days a week as I was missing DS so much. I found the weekend goes by so quickly and is not enough time to spend with the DC and do other things too. I now do 3 days a week with two DCs and find it the perfect balance, and I know that they think so too. They absolutely love nursery, but they love the days at home too. I just don't like the idea of them being in one place all day long 5 days a week. I do loads of stuff with them on those 2 days, days out etc.

BUT in your situation, it is a hard one as you've found your ideal job, and that is a hell of a thing to give up on.

Yes the right nursery is a great thing. My DCs absolutely adore their nursery. They go running in (although DS, 4.5, says he wants to stay at home with me before he goes) and it is difficult to get them away at the end of the day! They take ages to say bye to their friends and take the time to show me all the stuff they've done during the day and proudly take home their art works etc.

Pilgit · 23/05/2013 22:35

It will be fine. You have a good feeling about the place and that is really important - it makes it so much easier to leave them knowing that they are being well taken care of and having a good time. I have also had to leave DD1 full time (and will have to with DD2 to) and DD1 has loved it AND has been really good for her. She has benefited so much from it - they get to spend the whole day with people who want to be there, who don't have to worry about housework and the stresses of family life and are paid to be devoted to them. Ultimately you do what is right for your family. Yes, there will be flashpoints (at the points of separation anxiety especially), and you will probably feel guilty at some points and then also frustrated that they don't miss you more at others! Congrats on your job...

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