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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am so angry right now.

30 replies

MissSG · 17/05/2013 20:40

I've had to unfortunately move in with my parents due to an Ex leaving me out of the blue with my DS and pregnant.

I have applied for a council house and I am waiting to hear back from them.

I have had enough of my Dad and I am at the end of my tether. I wouldn't have enough time to explain everything but the latest situation is that I had a glass in my room as I always need a drink at night, my D decides to go in my room and carry the glass down the stairs, it slips out of his hands and shatters. My DM cleans it up while my D proceeds to shout at me and blames me because I had a glass in my room. I said 'Don't you blame that on me' and I have endured the silent treatment ever since that happened where he ignores my presence every second of the day. Not only does it make the whole family feel awkward but they will not say anything to him through fear of starting an argument.

So, after not speaking to me I put DS to bed, after many weeks trying to get him to settle straight away when he was younger he now goes to bed with no trouble at all. Thinking of a way to annoy me my D sneaks into my room after DS has gone to bed and sings to him and starts playing with him. After hearing DS I go upstairs and tell him to 'get out' and I now have a toddler who refuses to go to sleep.

I am beyond annoyed, I've had enough. He is an immature arse and I wouldn't have anything to do with him if that was possible.

Sorry for the rant, My D has always had a problem with me, not my siblings just me and my family have always been under his thumb. I really dislike the man.

WIBU to just not say anything to him including not leaving DS with him and just waiting and praying until the day I get a house.

OP posts:

ReluctantlyBeingYoniMassaged · 17/05/2013 20:42

Could you not rent privately for now?

greenfolder · 17/05/2013 20:44

You are never going to change him and he clearly doesn't want you there.

Focus solely on moving

Original poster

MissSG · 17/05/2013 20:46

I cannot afford to privately rent unfortunately, I only get a certain amount if benefits and this will not cover it.

I'm so annoyed, after I went to bed and DS was up and shouting because he has been played with my D walked past my room a few times laughing because DS would not settle.

OP posts:

Lj8893 · 17/05/2013 20:47

The thing is, the longer you are under a roof and not technically homeless, the longer it will be until you are offered a council house.

Can your parents write a letter to the council stating they will be throwin you out as they can have you living there anymore for whatever reason, effectively making you homeless? It may mean you will be in temp b&bs accommodation for a little while but sounds like you might feel better there than with your dad.

SybilRamkin · 17/05/2013 20:58

You need to move out of your parents' home into a hostel for a few weeks - it need only be very short-term, but will make you a priority for housing. You're almost certainly entitled to housing benefit, but you won't be eligible if you're living with a family member.

The hostel won't be a delight to live in, but will surely be better than living with your dad who sounds like a complete arse!

SoleSource · 17/05/2013 21:34

Your D is a /!+#@@#

GoblinGranny · 17/05/2013 21:41

You dad is being a pain, but it could be worse. He could point out that you are an adult and they have no legal responsibility towards you and your children at all. How much are you paying them in rent?
Unfortunately, moving back home seems to have returned you to the role of teenager in his mind.

GoblinGranny · 17/05/2013 21:44

We did end up living with my parents for a year, with children. It was very hard all round, so you have my sympathy!

00poppy00 · 17/05/2013 21:58

do u have a good relaionship with ur mum, or sibling who also is on good terms with him who could talk to him? i to stayed for a few months with my parents along with dh and dc... it was hard, and i have a good relationship with both... can u talk to ds explaining YOU are the parent and staying at gp is temporary.. try to get him veiwing you, him and baby on the way as a little team?

Doubtfuldaphne · 17/05/2013 22:09

Living with your parents is not doing you any favours in getting a council house quickly. They need to tell the council ASAP that you can't stay there due to overcrowding and the stress it's causing on you all. Go to a B and B or hostel - I've been there and done it with a newborn baby and while it wasn't the nicest experience in the world it meant I shot up the list to the top priority and wasn't there long. You can't put up with an immature idiot like that it will drive you mad!
Also when you leave hostel or temp accommodation you will be entitled to a community care grant to do up your new council house so look forward to it :)
If you would like to rent privately but can't afford to, there are bond schemes in place of deposit and budgeting loans to pay the first months rent - after that, the housing benefit will start up and essentially pay back your loan for you because they pay 4 weeks in arrears.
Lots of options for you there and I hope you get settled soon for yourself and your ds :)

Snazzywaitingforsummer · 17/05/2013 22:12

Agree with all the advice about moving asap.

To add to that, I would be tempted to wake your dad at 3am (or whatever early hour you can manage) and say that every time he wakes your DS up after his bedtime, you will come in and wake him up during the night. Not nice but from the sound of it neither is he.

rainbowbrite1980 · 17/05/2013 22:18

would you get housing benefit if you rented privately - even a bedsit as a temporary measure?

GoblinGranny · 17/05/2013 22:20

So, is this a plan to make her parents throw them out?
Seriously, it's not a good idea to start a feud, ideally all the adults should behave as such, but if one isn't then it's not helpful for others to continue the petty and annoying behaviour.
Yo need to move out OP.

Lj8893 · 17/05/2013 22:23

Not many private rentals are able to accept housing benefit. But certainly worth checking out. However once you get somewhere to rent private your even less likely to get a council property!

holidaysarenice · 17/05/2013 22:23

Persoanlly I wud go into his room at 3am with a super soaker. Its not mature and it won't help, but for 5 seconds you might feel better!!!

With any luck he wud throw you out!

BenjaminButton172 · 17/05/2013 22:33

You need to move out and into your own place but there is no guarantee that if u do go into a hostel or temporary accommodation that u will get a house sooner. Because if there are no available houses there are no available houses.

I would keep on at the council about once a week though so they know u are desperate for a house and not just sitting on the list for the sake of it.(to get a bigger house or moved to a different area).

I moved in with my parents after my marriage broke down and it wasnt too bad as my parents are lovely but it was still hard.

Your dad is a horrible horrible man and i cant begin to imagine how awful it is for u.

hickerybobp · 18/05/2013 08:16

Your dad sounds like a nightmare. If he wakes him up again insist that your dad has to deal with him for the rest of the night. Might sound mean but if your DS usually sleeps through, go out straight after you have put him to bed for a couple of hours even if its just for a walk/see a friend. That way if your dad wakes him up he will have no choice but to deal with the fall out himself.

With regards to the council you probably won't be priority as you are not homeless or in danger in your current situation. Could you call them and ask where you are on the list and how long they expect before a house becomes available to you?

GoblinGranny · 18/05/2013 08:27

This is the OP's father you are talking about, not the child's father.
What makes you think he'd deal with a woken-up child in the middle of the night? How is it fair on the child to be used in that fashion?
As I said, your parents lost any legal requirement to be responsible for your care when you hit 18, how long have you lived independently as an adult before moving back home?
Many posters have the 'My house, my rules' philosophy, were your parents like that when you lived there full time? What are you doing to contribute to the household financially or workwise, who does the cooking, laundry, cleaning and shopping?
I have two adult children who are not yet earning, but they contribute in other ways so that I'm not feeling as if they are freeloading.
is your Ex the father of your DS, OP? Because his father ought to be involved with providing for him cashwise and timewise.
I hope that you intend to ensure that your ex supports your baby when it's born too.
It's not enough to wait and pray you get a house, what are you actively doing about it?

greenformica · 18/05/2013 08:40

take a letter from your dad/mum to the housing office stating that from June 12th 2013 you will no longer be able to sleep in their house. Things will move forward more quickly but it might mean staying at a temporary location for a while.

LEMisdisappointed · 18/05/2013 08:57

Wow goblin, nothing like a bit of sympathy eh

BoiledEggonLegs · 18/05/2013 09:13

Sorry, going against the tide here but

*I wouldn't have anything to do with him if that was possible.

I really dislike the man.*

[Sad]

He didn't have to let you and your ds move back in with him did he, you should be grateful, no?

Also about the sneaking into your room, perhaps he wants to spend time with his grandson and that's the only way he can if you are an arse to him!

Bloody move out if you hate him so much.

RiotsNotDiets · 18/05/2013 09:17

I think you probably could manage private renting.You ought to get about £400 in housing benefits, that would cover a small 2 bedroom house (depending where you are, I suppose).

GoblinGranny · 18/05/2013 09:19

Read back on the thread LesMis, I did this for a year with my parents.
OP's dad is being a PITA, but she's sounding more like a whiny teenager than a parent and an adult.

SirBoobAlot · 18/05/2013 09:28

Let's not jump on the OP - having lived with my parents for the first year of my sons life, there were times when we were all ready to really loose it. It's freaking hard work. Especially if you're feeling trapped, and without an alternative. And we also don't know the history between the OP and her father; I was grateful to be living with my parents, and I love them, but I don't trust my father as far as I could throw him.

OP you have my sympathies. What other posters have said it correct though; if you're living somewhere safe you will not be seen as a priority for council housing. They either need to say you are no longer welcome there, or you need to apply for HB. It can be tricky to find a LL who accepts HB at times, and in certain locations, but it's not impossible.

Numberlock · 18/05/2013 09:30

I agree that the OP needs to be more in control of her life and not at the mercy of these various men, be they fathers or exes.

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